Generally stupid things customers do ... add you own

[repsac]

If you can get a hold of one of those hand held machines, you know the type that Leslie Nielsen is always monkeying around in his interviews; you can clear a door post haste.

[HYHYBT]

...she got a huge hard-on and complained...

or possibly

[Jester]

Another good way for getting through crowds that has worked for me for years is "EXCUSE ME! PARDON ME! PREGNANT GUY COMING THROUGH! LOOK OUT!"

It so confuses them that they let you through. Amazing how easy it is to bend feeble minds to one's will.

[ArenaBoy]

"EXCUSE ME! PARDON ME! PREGNANT GUY COMING THROUGH! LOOK OUT!"

That's the second time I've broken Rule #1 today.

I've often found that being sarcastic or joining in on the group and putting on a real happy OMG voice can do the trick. It will get you some glares but they get the hint.

[pbmods]

Oh, and my favorite. When I'm taking in a customer's order, they will ask:

"Do you have any coupons this week?"

My response:

"Did you check the sales paper?"

The hell, lady?! Do you bring your purchases up to the register and ask, "Are any of these items on sale this week?"

Maybe I should change my response:

"Sure. But if you want a discount, you gotta work for it. Whoah! I meant go get a sales paper!"

[DesignFox]

Another good way for getting through crowds that has worked for me for years is "EXCUSE ME! PARDON ME! PREGNANT GUY COMING THROUGH! LOOK OUT!"

Back in the day, when I went to the Vans Warped Tour- this one group had a great trick to get them through the crowds, too. They pushed the one kid in front of them, his hand covering his mouth and making retching noises, and the group shouted- "Look out! He's gonna puke!" The seas parted real fast for them...