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  • Stop it. Please. *really long, with swearing*

    I wish to present to you a list of things you should and should not do when shopping for groceries. I did search through the old threads for something similar, but didn't find anything, so apologies if this is a repost, but there are many, many thing which drive me nuts. If you think of anything I've missed, add it on! This is also up in my LJ, and I wish for it to become a definitive list which will one day deserve capitals. Anyway:

    1. Place things on MY left, not your left. Things move across the counter from left to right. If you don't do it right, I will move them.

    2. DON'T give me that snotty look when I tell you I'm closing. I'm either going on break, or I'm going home. Either way, I don't care about you. Go away.

    3. If you want to give me exact change, do it when you give me the rest of the money. Don't wait until I've cashed off on a $50 note, then say "Oh, did you want the ____ cents?" I swear to god, I will shove that 20 cents so far up your...*ahem*

    4. Pack your own groceries. There is nothing that will enrage a cashier more than some twat standing there with their arms folded while the stuff piles up at the end of the counter. There is a limited amount of space, and if it gets too full, I have to stop what I'm doing to pack your stuff, and it takes twice as long. What, are your arms painted on?

    5. Yes, there's a big sign. Don't stand there gawking at it while I'm waiting for you to sign the credit receipt.

    6. If you want to check your receipt, get out of the way so other people can go through.

    7. Don't pull my bags down. Just don't. If you can't reach them, move. Other people have to use those bags too, you know.

    8. Don't complain to me about how filthy the counters are. We do our best, but with the number of people who come through, we don't have time to be constantly cleaning them. And don't give me a snotty look when I explain that to you. Do you want me to lick them clean or something?

    9. DO NOT, under any circumstances, snatch things out of my hands. If I'm getting your stuff mixed up with that of the person in front of you, maybe you should have waited five minutes until I'd finished serving them before you started cramming your things onto my counter. Ass.

    10. Don't just keep piling things onto the counter. Stack them intelligently, so that they don't come crashing down in a big avalanche the second I breathe near them. Or just wait two minutes until I clear some space.

    11. Don't come rushing through like a bloody gale-force wind. The world won't end if you don't get your groceries in the next 30 seconds.

    12. When I greet you, respond. It's rude to ignore people. "Hello". There, that didn't hurt, did it?

    13. Read the signs. "Cash only" means exactly what it says. Don't come through with $150 worth of stuff, whip out your credit card with a big shit-eating grin on your face, then bitch to me about "You should have a sign up!" There's two.

    14. "The back" is not a magic vortex where we keep all the stuff we don't want you to have. When I say "Sorry, we don't have any more", I mean there's no more. Don't ask me to check out the back - I'll go out the back, but all I'm doing is telling the guys out there what a dick you are.

    15. If something scans at the wrong price, by all means let me know, and I'll fix it. But don't be rude to me about it - I'm not trying to rip you off, I just work here.

    16. Shut your kid up. You might think it's cute when they make that noise, but someone who's been hearing many children making that noise all goddamn day wants to kill your little precious.

    17. Don't put things on my scales when I'm trying to weigh your other things. If you must do that, count yourself lucky they won't read anything, because you'd be the first to complain if I overcharged you, wouldn't you? And keep your kid's fingers off my scales.

    18. No, you can't put your kid on my scales, no matter how hard he whines. First, that's disgusting, other people's food has to go on there, and second, they won't register anything over 15 kilos anyway. Food goes on the counter, kid goes on the floor. End of story.

    19. I am not a social worker. Please, for the love of god, don't complain to me about your husband, particularly when he's standing 3 feet away. And I don't care about your children. I really don't, so don't complain about them, either. If you didn't want kids, you should have worked out what was causing it, and stopped doing it.

    20. Don't be a bitch to me when your boyfriend hits on me. Take it up with him, because I'm trapped behind a counter and can't escape from him.

    21. BATHE. For god's sake, soap and deodorant are not that expensive.

    22. Please remember that you are in a place which sells food. WEAR SHOES.

    23. Be nice to the other customers. They hate it there and want to get out just as much as you do. There was an incident a few weeks ago where some stupid tart was blocking the aisle with her trolley, chatting away. Another woman, who was there with her son, asked her to move several times, then got fed up and pushed past her. As she did, the first woman turned around, grabbed a frozen chicken out of her trolley and swung it around. I don't know exactly who she was aiming for, but she hit the kid, and his mother just flew at this bitch. The police were called, etc, but I don't think anything came of it. This happened before I came on shift, but apparently the woman whose kid it was had been in remission from breast cancer - so she'd been through all that crap, her son had been through it with her, and then they've got to put up with shit like that from some rude bitch. There were a couple of guys there who were trying to hold these two back, but more than a few of the ladies I work with said "If that had been my kid, they wouldn't have stopped me".
    The thing about this is that my mother would have done the same - if someone's in her way and doesn't move when she asks them to, she'll just push past. And if you take a chicken to my mother, chances are she'll take one to you in return. O_O"

    24. DO. NOT. HAGGLE. We are a shop, not a market. Just because it says "market garden" on the sign, doesn't mean we *are* a market garden, it means we're *supplied* by market gardens. Someone pulled that yesterday - her total was $50.05, and she said "Take off the five cents and we've got a deal!" I, of course, said "Sorry, can't do that". I had another one a while ago - "Knock off the 25 cents, hey? Make it $30 even?" I just said "$30.25, thanks".

    25. DON'T TOUCH ME. Just because I am behind a register and can't escape from you, doesn't mean you have any right to touch me in any way. Keep your filthy hands to yourself, thank you.

    26. Don't ask "Is your name *name of store*?" and then laugh like a loon. It wasn't funny the first time I heard it, and it's even less funny the hundredth time.

    27. Yes, I know our pre-packaged fruit is poor quality. That's why it's $1.99 for 2 kilos, rather than the standard $1.99 per kilo for loose fruit. Don't complain to me about it - I didn't put that rotten apple in there just to annoy you.

    28. See that big sign that says "Entry"? That's the *entrance*. The one that says "Exit" is the *exit*. Do not enter via the exit with a trolley, and expect to be able to force your way through the queues at the registers. We will tell you to go out and come in properly.

    29. Do not beat your children in the store. Common sense tells most people to go out to the car, where there are no witnesses. O_o"

    30. Don't hit on me. Don't call me 'Babe', I am not a piglet.

    Gah. The fact that I have 30 things ont his list already is depressing. What's worse is that I know there's more than that.
    God made me a cannibal to fix problems like you. - Angelspit, '100%'

    I'm sorry, I'm not authorised to give a f**k.

  • #2
    31. Don't let your kids eat things in the store that are purchased by weight, such as grapes. That would be considered stealing.
    "Penny Lou Pingleton, you are absolutely, positively, permanently punished! You will live on a diet of saltines and tang, and you'll never leave this room again....Devil child! Devil child!"

    Comment


    • #3
      This is so funny. I work in a supermarket and aside from the seeing someone not wearing shoes and the frozen chicken incident, every single thing on that list has happened to me already. That's insane. Apparently idiots like this are attracted to supermarkets everywhere. Why do idiots have to eat food?

      Comment


      • #4
        32. We just swipe the card. When the credit card comes back declined its because either you or your credit card company suck. It is not a conspiracy against you.

        33. No matter how badly you want the item, trampling the employee who is stocking it not allowed.

        34. At the photolab, they do not make your pictures blurry. It is you that does not know how to take a picture. In reality, they would like nothing more than to make sunshine out of your shit simply to escape the wrath of you, the SC.

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Zombi View Post
          1. Place things on MY left, not your left. Things move across the counter from left to right. If you don't do it right, I will move them.
          Why do they do this! They walk past the belt and lay their stuff where the finished, scanned bags of groceries would go. So of course, scanning them is a pain because you have to go over the scanner twice and that causes all kinds of problems. Every other item I scan gets scanned twice, customer is standing there dumbfounded as to why I keep scan scan/voiding scan scan/voiding.

          8. Don't complain to me about how filthy the counters are. We do our best, but with the number of people who come through, we don't have time to be constantly cleaning them.
          This is a huuuuuge peeve of mine. I will clean my belt when there is no one in line, then someone comes up, my belt is wet cuz I just cleaned it, and they get snotty about that too. I will usually say something like, "Oh, lay it here, on the dirty spot I havent cleaned."

          17. Don't put things on my scales when I'm trying to weigh your other things. If you must do that, count yourself lucky they won't read anything, because you'd be the first to complain if I overcharged you, wouldn't you? And keep your kid's fingers off my scales.
          Like when mom is too busy digging in her purse or otherwise distracted, junior is throwing cans on the scale as I am trying to ring up bananas. What fun!
          WELCOME

          Be Nice or I'll Make the Sun Go Away.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Zombi View Post
            I wish to present to you a list of things you should and should not do when shopping for groceries. I did search through the old threads for something similar, but didn't find anything, so apologies if this is a repost, but there are many, many thing which drive me nuts.
            Actually, something very much like this list of rules was posted a while back. I remember it, as we there was the Infamous Rule #8, but I don't remember the name of the thread, and frankly, am far too lazy on my First Day Off In Forever to bother looking for it.


            Quoth Zombi View Post
            24. DO. NOT. HAGGLE. We are a shop, not a market. Just because it says "market garden" on the sign, doesn't mean we *are* a market garden, it means we're *supplied* by market gardens. Someone pulled that yesterday - her total was $50.05, and she said "Take off the five cents and we've got a deal!" I, of course, said "Sorry, can't do that". I had another one a while ago - "Knock off the 25 cents, hey? Make it $30 even?" I just said "$30.25, thanks".
            Yes, boys and girls, it's time once again to post the Patented Jester Anti-Haggling Technique. I use this at the bar, but it is flexible enough to be used in any purchasing situation where someone mistakenly believes they are in a haggling situation. Note....this entire scenario takes place with me, the non-haggling seller, having a very friendly smile plastered on my face, and using a very polite tone the entire time.

            JESTER: "Hi there, what can I get for you?"
            HAGGLER: "I'd like a Corona."
            JESTER: "Certainly. That will be four dollars, please."
            HAGGLER: "How about we call it two dollars?"
            JESTER: "Certainly. Five dollars, please."
            HAGGLER: "No, no, I said TWO dollars."
            JESTER: "Certainly sir. Six dollars it is."
            HAGGLER: "Um....how about three dollars?"
            JESTER: "Eight dollars is a bit unusual, but sure...why not?"
            HAGGLER: "Okay, okay! Four dollars! Four dollars! Please???"
            JESTER: "Sir, you drive a hard bargain, but for you, I'll do it! Four dollars it is. Anything else I can get for you today?"


            There is another similar thing that happens to me that is unique to me but you can probably find a way to adjust it to your own uses. I am, as many of my customers know, also a magician. And invariably I will have this exchange.

            CUSTOMER: "You're a magician. Can you make my bill disappear?"
            JESTER: "I can double it if you're not careful."

            And for some reason, there ends the haggling.


            And here endeth the lesson. [bows]

            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
            Still A Customer."

            Comment


            • #7
              Jester, that thread was a tongue in cheek one telling sucky customers what sucky things they must do at the grocery store in order to get in their full 8 servings of suck per day.

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth Zombi View Post

                3. If you want to give me exact change, do it when you give me the rest of the money. Don't wait until I've cashed off on a $50 note, then say "Oh, did you want the ____ cents?" I swear to god, I will shove that 20 cents so far up your...*ahem*
                For the love of God, I hate that. When I do that to a cashier, I mention it, when I am handing them the money. Because I am cool like that
                Under The Moon Paranormal Research
                San Joaquin Valley Paranormal Research

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth Zombi View Post
                  20. Don't be a bitch to me when your boyfriend hits on me. Take it up with him, because I'm trapped behind a counter and can't escape from him.
                  Why do some women do that? If that woman over there didn't dress herself up like that then maybe my boyfriend wouldn't be such an unfaithful disrespectful cretin!
                  You're not doing me a favor by eating here. I'm doing you a favor by feeding you.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    lol at all of them

                    #20... they can be a jerk to you and all you did was SMILE and say HI to the guy (and her), and they act all tooty towards you.

                    yet they'd be the first to say "she was rude (i.e no smile or hi)" if ya didn't.

                    ARGH

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth Sofar View Post
                      Why do some women do that? If that woman over there didn't dress herself up like that then maybe my boyfriend wouldn't be such an unfaithful disrespectful cretin!
                      Yeah, because a guy-sized neon green polo shirt is soooo damn sexy. I had one of these women just the other day - I said "Hi" to both of them, she gave me a half-hearted smile (which was better than nothing, I must admit), and he gave me a big grin and said "Hey, how are you doin'?". I wouldn't even count it as obvious flirting, but she obviously thought it was, because she ignored me for the rest of the time, and as soon as I'd finished with the transaction, she grabbed some bags and stomped off. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, dear.

                      32. We just swipe the card. When the credit card comes back declined its because either you or your credit card company suck. It is not a conspiracy against you.
                      That's a good one, too. It never ceases to amaze me how huffy people can get about that: "Well, there was enough in there before!"
                      Yeah. There was. And I magically made it disappear to make you look like an idiot.

                      And an additional story to number 23:
                      The girl on the register next to me was dealing with this woman. Now, our floor is very uneven, and has a bit of a slope, which is especially bad up where the registers are, which means that the trolleys tend to roll away. Another customer at the other register on the other side of this woman wasn't watching their trolley, and it rolled a bit and hit this woman. Not hard, mind you, just bumped into her, but the way she carried on, you'd think it had been a steamroller.
                      "OWW! That hit my toe!!!"
                      S (the other cashier) and I exchanged a look at this point. You know, that "Oh god, let this be over quickly" look.
                      The woman carried on for a bit, then shut up and kept piling her stuff up. At this point, another customer came into the line behind her, and started to put her things up. Our trolleys are quite large, so you have to lean over quite a bit to get everything out of them. Of course, when you lean on a trolley, it can roll forward a little bit. The second customer had her back to the first woman, and obviously didn't notice that her trolley was rolling forward and had bumped the other woman. Again, not hard, but bloody hell.
                      First woman (FW): "OWWW! Well, aren't you going to apologise?!"
                      Second woman (SW): *looking a bit taken aback* "Oh, sorry!" (I really don't think she'd realised she'd hit someone)
                      FW: "You hit me with your trolley, you rude bitch!"
                      SW: "Well, I said I was sorry!"
                      FW: "I'm tired of being pushed around be people who are rude!!"
                      SW: "Well, sorry!" *getting a bit annoyed*
                      FW: "Oh, get over it! You hit me, and you're rude!" *stomps out*

                      SW, S and I are all exchanging the look at this point.

                      SW: "What a woman! I hope she doesn't come back!" *pays and leaves*

                      I thought the second woman was quite forgiving, actually - I would have apologised once, then told her to get lost if she'd carried on like that at me. I mean, FW was on about other people being rude to her, and the whole time I was thinking "Jesus, lady, if anyone's rude around here, it's you!" Once someone's apologised, it's really bad form to go on at them about it, IMO.
                      God made me a cannibal to fix problems like you. - Angelspit, '100%'

                      I'm sorry, I'm not authorised to give a f**k.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth Zombi View Post
                        I had one of these women just the other day - I said "Hi" to both of them, she gave me a half-hearted smile (which was better than nothing, I must admit), and he gave me a big grin and said "Hey, how are you doin'?".
                        You had Joey Tribiani in your line?!
                        It's floating wicker propelled by fire!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Zombi View Post
                          It never ceases to amaze me how huffy people can get about that: "Well, there was enough in there before!"
                          Yeah. There was. And I magically made it disappear to make you look like an idiot.
                          I get that a lot down here in Tropical Tourist Destination. I’ll run some yahoo’s card, it will be declined (after I have run it twice, as I always do, of course, having learned my lesson years ago), and they will get all pissy with ME. “That’s impossible! I have plenty of money in/credit on/whatever with that account!”

                          Listen, kids, I am NOT the credit card company, nor your bank, nor really out to get you or embarrass you. I would love nothing more than to take your money and have you go on your way, because generally those of you that I have to deal with this situation with are not the most pleasant people to have around me anyway.

                          But as I am NOT the credit card company or the bank, I do NOT know why your card was declined, WHAT the situation with your account is, and frankly I don’t care. I just know that after running your precious little piece of plastic twice, the thing came back “No way, Jose!” twice, and there is not one damn thing I can do about it.

                          So you need to stop your bitching. You need to stop your moaning. You need to produce an alternative form of payment. And you very much need to stop acting like I am Pontius freakin’ Pilate trying to persecute your high-falutin’ tourist ass.

                          "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                          Still A Customer."

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Let's see some I have seen from the back of the line would start with just a few hours ago.

                            If you meet someone your haven't seen for years, move off to the side to get reaquainted. She just stood there by the bag carousel and after it was full, me and the cashier just stared at them till her friends got embarased and moved back.

                            Don't wait till you get to the checkout to decide what you are going to buy. I remember a mom and daughter who played the "Don't want that, want that!" game in front of me.

                            You do know Wal Mart is open 24/7? I was behind a couple that had three carts full of groceries. And it was just normal groceries times 10! Do you shop only in months without an R in it?

                            If you pick up something unusuall, some exotic fruit or seasonal item, note the price. The roadblock lady today had a big bag of mixed nuts and the cashier had not been given a sku# yet and of course the lady did not remember the price. I have seen it before with dried chillies, pastries, deli meats, etc....
                            "First time I ever seen a chainsaw go down anybody's britches,"

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Dark Psion View Post
                              You do know Wal Mart is open 24/7? I was behind a couple that had three carts full of groceries. And it was just normal groceries times 10! Do you shop only in months without an R in it?
                              Within reasonable range of my home, there are five, only one of which is 24 hour (and that's the one farthest away), and two of which are in bad enough areas that I'd rather not go there. DH and I can only get much in the way of shopping done about once a week, around scheduling issues (I work days and use RT, so can't get anything super-heavy that I then have to lug, he works swing, and we don't shop on Sunday). As you can guess, when we do go shopping, we do major stockups. :-)
                              "Crazy may always be open for business, but on the full moon, it has buy one get one free specials." - WishfulSpirit

                              "Sometimes customers remind me of zombies, but I'm pretty sure that zombies are smarter." - MelindaJoy77

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