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So there was a definitely a full moon last night, and given the amount of oddball suckage I experience last night, I have to say the theories of lunacy must be true! I had no hostile suckage, just some WTF moments I thought I would share today
(BG- I work in the deli of a small grocery store, which, unfortunately for me, recently rearranged about 80% of my side of the store. Also unfortunate for us in the deli is that the bakery (located to the left of the deli) closes at 5pm, and the meat cutters (located to the right of the deli) also leave at 5pm. This leaves us night deli workers to field many off-the-wall questions about items we know nothing about, in addition to our own deli-related suckage)
This is actually in semi-chronological order, last night, with plenty of non-suck customers in the interim...
A woman rolls her carriage up to the deli case and refers to her hand-written grocery list. I usually like these people, as they already know what they want, which makes my life much easier. Let's call her CW (Confused Woman)
CW: A half pound of the turkey that's on sale, and a half pound of the ham that's on sale.
I slice a half pound of the turkey, hand it to her and confirm "And a half pound of the Store-Baked Ham?" I motion toward to LARGE chalkboard with both the ham and turkey sale prices.
CW blinks.
CW: Russer?
me:: confused:
CW: (looking at her list) R-U-S-S-E-R. Does that spell Russer?
me: yeeeasss...Do you want the Russer ham or the Store-Baked that's on sale?
CW: The Russer is on sale...
me: No, the Store-Baked ham is $4.99, all the Russer varieties are $5.99
CW: No, I wrote down Russer $4.99. It's in the paper.
Now, we have a copy of the sales flyer taped to the glass on the inside of the case for our own reference. I tell her this as I scan through it.
Me: The Store-Baked ham is in the paper, at $4.99, but it's not the Russer brand.
She asks to see the flyer
me: I'm sorry, Maam, we have the deli ad cut out and taped to the glass, I can’t remove it (literally, it's basically laminated to the glass with sealing tape) But I assure you, it's right here, and it's the Store-Baked ham that's on sale for $4.99 (and I should know, I've been slicing the damn thing all week)
CW fumbled through her ginormous old lady purse. "I have the flyer too..."
She gets the flyer out and flips through all 2 pages "It's here somewhere..what page is it on?"
I help her locate the deli ad and point to the square that shows "A***'s Store-Baked Ham $4.99" There is no mention of Russer brand ANYWHERE.
me: So do you want to try to Store-Baked?
CW: It's not Russer?
me:: banghead:
me:: No, Maam, It's the Store-Baked"
CW: Then why did I write down Russer?
me: (how the fuck do I know why you do anything??)
CW: Never mind, I'll wait.
And she wanders off. Waiting for...what?
I walk back to the kitchen where my lovely CW has been listening in. I mutter "What the hell was that all about?" And CW says "Just order the fucking ham, lady" We chuckle and go about our cleaning.
A man comes to the counter, directly from the meat dept and I think to myself "Oh shit, a meat question" Sure enough:
Meat Guy (MG): When are you guys going to get in more (*brand*) kielbasa?
me: Oh, honestly, sir, I wouldn't know. *disarming smile* They don’t let me out from behind this counter very often (my usual line to avoid meat/bakery questions) Would you like me to call a manager for ya? (and she hands it off! Score!)
MG was great, I got the mgr and off they went to discuss the virtues of kielbasa. Not ten seconds go by when I hear "MISS!!"
I look around, no one is in my general area. Again, louder "MISS!!!!"
I see an older gentleman with a cane standing in the middle of the bakery displays. He sees me see him (oh shit) and yells:
Cane Guy (CG): WHERE ARE THE WHOOPIE PIES??
me: um....honestly, sir, I wouldn't know.... (starting my usual spiel)
CG gets ANGRY and slams his cane on the ground. "You have them EVERY DAY. They are usually RIGHT HERE (punctuated with the slamming of the cane)"
me: hold on, let me find someone for you who'd know...they just rearranged this section...
My AWESOME CW came to the rescue. Apparently she LIKES old people (go figure) and she went out and searched the bakery for his precious whoopie pies. Nope, there were none. I heard her tell him "They must have sold out" and she returns to behind the deli case.
About ten seconds later we hear "MISS!!"
We both look and CG yells "WHERE'S THE FRENCH BREAD? It's usually right here!" though he is actually standing where the cheese case used to be. So it's my awesome CW to the rescue again. I continue cleaning, and I hear him demand "WHERE'S THE COOL WHIP?"
I think to myself "This guy is gonna make his OWN whoopie pies out of french bread and cool whip?" and I start to crack up and can’t stop myself from giggling as I wash the windows. CW comes back and mutters to me “Oh man, I have to go do this guy’s shopping for him.”
And off she goes…
In the meantime, I fielded a customer who, in that snotty EW tone, demanded to know the fat content of that same Store-Baked ham that I am already sick to death of. When I couldn’t provide her with this info (It comes in a clear wrapper, unlike the name-brand products which do have a nutritional info label), she got pissy and said “Oh whatever, just give me a pound of (*brand*) turkey.” OK! Now the turkey she just ordered is by far the cheapest, most processed, watered-down, filled, pressed, sludgy disgusting glop that I wouldn’t feed to a criminally insane homeless person. Most times I let people know this when they order it, cuz it is honestly nasty. Given her attitude, I smiled and sliced it up, all the while thinking about how all these chemicals and fillers are gonna sit in her lower intestine for weeks and rot. “Have a nice day” (And enjoy your diarrhea!)
Another wanted a pound of hard salami. Now, a POUND of this little round meat can be up to 60-70 slices, which, trust me, SUCKS to slice. However, this EW wanted it “super paper-thin” which is a pain in the ass to begin with, but with salami? Oh man, we are talking probably 120 slices to make up a pound. Anyone who works in a deli with tell you, shaving and ”paper-thin” suck. Anyway, I get working on it and then Queenie asks in her screechy voice “Oh, Can I see how thin you are slicing that?” I was actually doing a good job keeping the slices thin but not falling apart, so I presented her with a slice for her to see and was dang proud to see her surprise and hear “Oh, That’s good!” Damn right; respect now, bitch?
Then there was the woman who wanted me to convert her half-pound into ounces because “I’m starting a new diet” Uh, our scale doesn’t do that and I suck at math. Go home and Google it.
And then I got to deal with L--, the horrid old woman I’ve posted several threads about before. Last night, her demand was $.50 (yes, that’s cents) worth of French fries. It got her 6 of them, by the way.
Finally I see my CW return to the Cane Guy, with a full trolley of stuff and I hear him bark “About time! I’ve been looking all over for you.” Uh, no, you stood there the whole time. And “thank you” would be appropriate.
When CW came back, I told her “You are much better at customer service than I am!” She then told me that she was stopped by the “ham lady” who was demanding to know why we didn’t have the “10 for $10.00” yogurt that she’d written down, or the “10 for $10.00” rolls that she had written down. “It was in the paper” She was pissed, cuz she’d made her list while looking at the paper, but we didn’t have any of these sale items, nor were there any signs for them, and she also could not find them in the flyer that she had with her. “But I wrote them down!”
My CW solved the mystery. Apparently a competitor store is running a 10-for-10$ sale this week. So she copied it from THEIR flyer, brought her list to OUR store and expected them to be the same. Can we say Duh?
And I couldn’t help but ask “Is that guy really going to make his own whoopee pies out of French bread and Cool Whip?”
She couldn’t stop laughing.
Apparently she talked him into buying a box of brownies in the bakery when they couldn’t find said Whoopie Pies, and she’d convinced him that if he dunked them in Cool Whip, it’d be the same thing.
I still like the idea of him dunking his French bread in Cool Whip. But that’s just me.
(BG- I work in the deli of a small grocery store, which, unfortunately for me, recently rearranged about 80% of my side of the store. Also unfortunate for us in the deli is that the bakery (located to the left of the deli) closes at 5pm, and the meat cutters (located to the right of the deli) also leave at 5pm. This leaves us night deli workers to field many off-the-wall questions about items we know nothing about, in addition to our own deli-related suckage)
This is actually in semi-chronological order, last night, with plenty of non-suck customers in the interim...
A woman rolls her carriage up to the deli case and refers to her hand-written grocery list. I usually like these people, as they already know what they want, which makes my life much easier. Let's call her CW (Confused Woman)
CW: A half pound of the turkey that's on sale, and a half pound of the ham that's on sale.
I slice a half pound of the turkey, hand it to her and confirm "And a half pound of the Store-Baked Ham?" I motion toward to LARGE chalkboard with both the ham and turkey sale prices.
CW blinks.
CW: Russer?
me:: confused:
CW: (looking at her list) R-U-S-S-E-R. Does that spell Russer?
me: yeeeasss...Do you want the Russer ham or the Store-Baked that's on sale?
CW: The Russer is on sale...
me: No, the Store-Baked ham is $4.99, all the Russer varieties are $5.99
CW: No, I wrote down Russer $4.99. It's in the paper.
Now, we have a copy of the sales flyer taped to the glass on the inside of the case for our own reference. I tell her this as I scan through it.
Me: The Store-Baked ham is in the paper, at $4.99, but it's not the Russer brand.
She asks to see the flyer
me: I'm sorry, Maam, we have the deli ad cut out and taped to the glass, I can’t remove it (literally, it's basically laminated to the glass with sealing tape) But I assure you, it's right here, and it's the Store-Baked ham that's on sale for $4.99 (and I should know, I've been slicing the damn thing all week)
CW fumbled through her ginormous old lady purse. "I have the flyer too..."
She gets the flyer out and flips through all 2 pages "It's here somewhere..what page is it on?"
I help her locate the deli ad and point to the square that shows "A***'s Store-Baked Ham $4.99" There is no mention of Russer brand ANYWHERE.
me: So do you want to try to Store-Baked?
CW: It's not Russer?
me:: banghead:
me:: No, Maam, It's the Store-Baked"
CW: Then why did I write down Russer?
me: (how the fuck do I know why you do anything??)
CW: Never mind, I'll wait.
And she wanders off. Waiting for...what?
I walk back to the kitchen where my lovely CW has been listening in. I mutter "What the hell was that all about?" And CW says "Just order the fucking ham, lady" We chuckle and go about our cleaning.
A man comes to the counter, directly from the meat dept and I think to myself "Oh shit, a meat question" Sure enough:
Meat Guy (MG): When are you guys going to get in more (*brand*) kielbasa?
me: Oh, honestly, sir, I wouldn't know. *disarming smile* They don’t let me out from behind this counter very often (my usual line to avoid meat/bakery questions) Would you like me to call a manager for ya? (and she hands it off! Score!)
MG was great, I got the mgr and off they went to discuss the virtues of kielbasa. Not ten seconds go by when I hear "MISS!!"
I look around, no one is in my general area. Again, louder "MISS!!!!"
I see an older gentleman with a cane standing in the middle of the bakery displays. He sees me see him (oh shit) and yells:
Cane Guy (CG): WHERE ARE THE WHOOPIE PIES??
me: um....honestly, sir, I wouldn't know.... (starting my usual spiel)
CG gets ANGRY and slams his cane on the ground. "You have them EVERY DAY. They are usually RIGHT HERE (punctuated with the slamming of the cane)"
me: hold on, let me find someone for you who'd know...they just rearranged this section...
My AWESOME CW came to the rescue. Apparently she LIKES old people (go figure) and she went out and searched the bakery for his precious whoopie pies. Nope, there were none. I heard her tell him "They must have sold out" and she returns to behind the deli case.
About ten seconds later we hear "MISS!!"
We both look and CG yells "WHERE'S THE FRENCH BREAD? It's usually right here!" though he is actually standing where the cheese case used to be. So it's my awesome CW to the rescue again. I continue cleaning, and I hear him demand "WHERE'S THE COOL WHIP?"
I think to myself "This guy is gonna make his OWN whoopie pies out of french bread and cool whip?" and I start to crack up and can’t stop myself from giggling as I wash the windows. CW comes back and mutters to me “Oh man, I have to go do this guy’s shopping for him.”
And off she goes…
In the meantime, I fielded a customer who, in that snotty EW tone, demanded to know the fat content of that same Store-Baked ham that I am already sick to death of. When I couldn’t provide her with this info (It comes in a clear wrapper, unlike the name-brand products which do have a nutritional info label), she got pissy and said “Oh whatever, just give me a pound of (*brand*) turkey.” OK! Now the turkey she just ordered is by far the cheapest, most processed, watered-down, filled, pressed, sludgy disgusting glop that I wouldn’t feed to a criminally insane homeless person. Most times I let people know this when they order it, cuz it is honestly nasty. Given her attitude, I smiled and sliced it up, all the while thinking about how all these chemicals and fillers are gonna sit in her lower intestine for weeks and rot. “Have a nice day” (And enjoy your diarrhea!)
Another wanted a pound of hard salami. Now, a POUND of this little round meat can be up to 60-70 slices, which, trust me, SUCKS to slice. However, this EW wanted it “super paper-thin” which is a pain in the ass to begin with, but with salami? Oh man, we are talking probably 120 slices to make up a pound. Anyone who works in a deli with tell you, shaving and ”paper-thin” suck. Anyway, I get working on it and then Queenie asks in her screechy voice “Oh, Can I see how thin you are slicing that?” I was actually doing a good job keeping the slices thin but not falling apart, so I presented her with a slice for her to see and was dang proud to see her surprise and hear “Oh, That’s good!” Damn right; respect now, bitch?
Then there was the woman who wanted me to convert her half-pound into ounces because “I’m starting a new diet” Uh, our scale doesn’t do that and I suck at math. Go home and Google it.
And then I got to deal with L--, the horrid old woman I’ve posted several threads about before. Last night, her demand was $.50 (yes, that’s cents) worth of French fries. It got her 6 of them, by the way.
Finally I see my CW return to the Cane Guy, with a full trolley of stuff and I hear him bark “About time! I’ve been looking all over for you.” Uh, no, you stood there the whole time. And “thank you” would be appropriate.
When CW came back, I told her “You are much better at customer service than I am!” She then told me that she was stopped by the “ham lady” who was demanding to know why we didn’t have the “10 for $10.00” yogurt that she’d written down, or the “10 for $10.00” rolls that she had written down. “It was in the paper” She was pissed, cuz she’d made her list while looking at the paper, but we didn’t have any of these sale items, nor were there any signs for them, and she also could not find them in the flyer that she had with her. “But I wrote them down!”
My CW solved the mystery. Apparently a competitor store is running a 10-for-10$ sale this week. So she copied it from THEIR flyer, brought her list to OUR store and expected them to be the same. Can we say Duh?
And I couldn’t help but ask “Is that guy really going to make his own whoopee pies out of French bread and Cool Whip?”
She couldn’t stop laughing.
Apparently she talked him into buying a box of brownies in the bakery when they couldn’t find said Whoopie Pies, and she’d convinced him that if he dunked them in Cool Whip, it’d be the same thing.
I still like the idea of him dunking his French bread in Cool Whip. But that’s just me.
and 
at that one. 
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