Few more...

[Gravekeeper]

These were from right before I went on vacation...



Shift Commentary

You know, the last two searchs in the history on Google in the breakroom are "Bacon" and "Margaret Thatcher". Combined they form a mental image that frightens even me.

Also, who was the criminal mastermind that looted all of the forks out of the breakroom? What devious pillar of villainy pilfered our precious forks? There are only spoons now, spoons! You can't fork something with a spoon, it just doesn't work.



Home Improvement

Me:"Good morning, Such & Such Roofing."
SC: "Is this a roofing company?"

No, it's just pretend.



More Home Improvement.

SC: "Could I get an estimate?"
Me: "Sure"
SC: "So, uh, what do you need? Like my name or something?"

No, no, that’s alright. We'll just send one person from every office in North America out wandering the streets asking random strangers till we find you.



Orderlines

Me: "I'm sorry, that item was discontinued."
SC: "Are you trying to make me not order?!"

Well, I'm not trying, but I am hoping. Fate just seems to be working with me on it this time.



and again..

"I'm sorry, but that item was discontinued."
"Are you sure!?"

No, I'm guessing. It's more fun that way.



and yet again..

Caller gave me his zip code in the fashion "1937 with a 0 in front of it."

For this I have deducted 5 HFIQ ( Happy Fun IQ ) points from Massachusetts. That leaves the current score at Massachusetts 53, Tenessee 4 and Nunavet -271.



Cellphones....

Caller answered her cellphone while talking to me on her cellphone. I guess the logic here is if you have two ears, you need two phones? She did manage to operate the kiosk though, so I assume one of the two has been either glued or surgically attached to the side of her head. That would leave one arm free to perform daily household tasks.



Radiohead

Caller called looking for Sirius radio because his activation code was not working. I informed caller he had dialed the wrong number. Caller asked if I knew what the right activation code for his radio was. I informed caller yet again he had the wrong number. Caller hung up. I paused a moment to wonder how the caller had survived into adulthood.

Sadly, both of our questions ended up going unanswered.



Orderlines Again

Me: "Whats your first name?"
SC: "Uh….er….um…..uhh…."

You know the questions just get harder from here on in, you might want to just throw the towel in now and save yourself




Real People, Real Cases

SC: "I'm looking for Martin"
Me: "This is his paging service"
SC: "Oh, you sounded like a real person."
Me: "I AM a real person."
SC: "Oh!"

Part of me wanted to play along and mess with his head for a while. That’s the part of me that would get me fired if I ever let it out while I was on the line.



Shift Commentary 2

As I went into 7/11 tonight, I passed a panhandler and his friend grabbed me by the arm and told me to "Hey, be cool, man!". He was probably indicating I should give him some change, however, I chose to take it as encourage. I, being a geek, am of course tragically uncool. So "Be cool, man!" could have been along the same lines as "Cheer up, man!". He was just looking out for my overall "cool" factor and wanted to keep my spirits up by cheering me on.



Lottery

Me: "Good evening, Such & Such Lottery"
SC: "What's this for?"
Me: "This is Such & SuchLottery"
SC: "You sell lottery tickets?"
Me: "…why yes, yes we do"

Although we have been known to sell live ferrets on the side.




Bad Reception

Me: "Good evening, <Name of lawyer's office>"
SC: "Hi."
Me: "Hi."
SC: "…….."
Me: "…….."
Me: "Can I help you?"
SC: "I'm waiting for the number."
Me: "…the number?"
SC: "Yeah, the number I asked for."
Me: "….ok? I think you have the wrong number."
SC: "Fine! Goodbye! <slams reciever>."

Was she beaming it telepathically? Because I know the office walls here interfere with psychic reception.




Same old, same old...

[Cedophile]

"Bacon" and "Margaret Thatcher". Combined they form a mental image that frightens even me.

Bacon plus Thatcher....

[Demonoid Phenomenon]

"You can't fork something with a spoon, it just doesn't work."

Oh, my dirty American mind...

[Zombi]

You must be able to - how else do you explain sporks?

[Spiffy McMoron]

You must be able to - how else do you explain sporks?

Four words: "mad scientist" and "genetic engineering"

And for the "Zip Code" short, I could have sworn that it would be Tennessee with -271 HFIQ, and Nunavut with 4 HFIQ. Not because people from Tennessee are especially dumb, but simply because there's a lot of them. (Plus people from Nunavut don't marry their sister. )

Massachusetts can stay where you've pegged it-they're smart enough to hate the Yankees, and smart enough to dump tea in the harbour, bringing forth a bounty of coffee shop to North America.

[jb17kx]

What are you saying about tea, Mr. McMoron?

Hell, gravekeeper, you got some real nutters there. I'm staying away from work in call centres (unless I get a good manager who lets you be a little... unprofessional sometimes...)

[Cia]

Is thatcher bacon?

[Gawdzillers]

"You can't fork something with a spoon, it just doesn't work."

Oh, my dirty American mind...

After I forked your mother, I spooned with her.
There, now you don't have to say it.

On another note, I'm from Tennessee, and I'll have you know I don't even have a sister.
But I'll be damned if I'm not an idiot.

[BusBus]

For this I have deducted 5 HFIQ ( Happy Fun IQ ) points from Massachusetts. That leaves the current score at Massachusetts 53, Tenessee 4 and Nunavet -271.

How are earth did Nunavut get a score of (-271)? Are there even enough people up there to obtain that score? Or was there a mass idiot exodus there that I was not aware of?

[Jester]

After I forked your mother, I spooned with her.
There, now you don't have to say it.

No, but I will say the one you missed, that being that spooning has been known to lead to forking!