Justifiable Homicide

[Mark Healey]

This is a conversation I have way too many times.

P: Guy on phone.

Me: My Wonderful Self.



P: I'm looking for a book, the arthurs name is author name and the title is "The name Files.

Since we don't have our inventory on the computer, I need to physically check the stacks.

Me: What's the subject.

P: A-U-T-H-O-R N-A-M-E.

Me: I need the subject so I can check the stacks.

P: I just told you. It's "The name Files".

Me: No, That's the title. I need the subject.

P: Oh, It's non-fiction.

And that's when I shot him your honor.

[lupo pazzesco]

<Offers baked goods and beverages of choice>

Congrats. You sent me down into one of my scary mental places...

It's like that in Textbook Hell.

Me: All right, and which book were you looking for?

P: It's for <Random Class Name>

Me: Ok, that class has 8 books...

P: Well, it's for <Professor's name>

Me: Yes...but that still lists 8 books. (20, if you count the other 2 classes that prof teaches!)

P: It's the paperback book!!

Me: ....

P: It's the BLUE one!!

Me: .....

Aaaaaand, next thing I know, I'm on trial right after you on the docket...

[fireheart]

I feel sorry for the bookstore folk. Occasionally I've asked for a book that's next in the <insert obscure fantasy name> trilogy and I've received the "I have two heads" look. At that point, I'll add author and another title in the series so I can go hunt.

[crashhelmet]

"Gee Your Honor. I have no idea where that shotgun came from." - Al Bundy

CH

[El Pollo Guerrera]

"... and that, your honour, is when he threw himself onto the extremely long letter opener.

Twenty-seven times.

Backwards."

(Dave Broadfoot, of the original Royal Canadian Air Farce)

[4love]

Oh, good lord, the memories.

"Where's your non-fiction section?"
Everywhere the fiction section isn't!

"I'm looking for this book, I heard about it on the radio."


And don't get me started on the customers who insist they need the book titled x by y author, when y author has never written a book with title x.

"I'm sorry yer honor, it wasn't until I was winding up my garrote wire that I even knew they were dead!"

[RetailKate]

My husband shared stories like that with me from when he worked at a chain video rental place.

Idiot--"I need a movie. It has some people in it, at one point they're talking about something under a tree."

Husband--- "...honestly?

[Mnemjian]

Lady: I want that book about a dog who can talk.
Me: What kind of book is it?
Lady: It's non-fiction.

[NateTheChops]

Oh, I think I was at that same courthouse.

Customer: I'm picking up some pictures.
Me: Okay, were the one-hour or send out?
Customer: I dropped them off yesterday.
Me: okay...were they one-hour or sendout?
Customer: I don't know, I stuck them in an envelope and dropped them in the bin.

You might have seen me on the way into the courtroom. I was the guy in the straight jacket and the face mask.