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I get a call on the radio from one of the roving meter maids, they have a line to us to call us to come get cars with excessive tickets that are taking up meter spaces in various places around town. She didn’t mince words.
“I got a hot one down at the meters, Jeep Wrangler with Jersey plates, my handheld says there’s $175 in tickets unpaid on it.”
Wow, that’s quite a feat considering that a ticket for not paying the meter is only $15, the fact it doesn’t come to a round divisible of $15 means that one or more of them is probably a $25er, and you only get those for using handicapped spaces. Well, whatever, I go down to the meter lot, pull in and start hooking up. No sooner do I get started than some shirtless Guido in shorts and a backwards Phillies cap comes storming out of the place across the street.
“What do you think you’re doing?!” (Why do they start with this? Really, I mean, what does it LOOK like I’m doing? A slow dance?)
"You have $175 in unpaid parking tickets, you can pay for them now, or you will be towed"
“That’s (a bad word)! I was only here for like 4 minutes” (A lie, traffic meant it was 15 minutes before I even got on scene, and who knows how long it was between when he parked and when he got noticed)
“Sorry Sir, but either you pay your tickets or the Jeep is towed”
“I don’t have that money on me”
“Then it’s being towed”
“Like hell it is!” Guido declares and jumps up on the tailgate and folds his arms dramatically, “I can stay here all night!’
“Then I’ll be calling the cops” I warn him, he says nothing. So I grab the radio, and surprise, do exactly what I said I was going to do. About 5 minutes later, Officer Friendly arrives and asks me what the problem is.
“Well Officer, I was called to tow this vehicle for having outstanding tickets, currently, the owner owes $175.00 worth of unpaid fines. He’s refusing to pay, or to let me load, last words he said to me were that he was going to stay there all night.”
Cop gives Guido the evil eye in that “you made me come down here for this?” way and tells him off.
“No you’re not, get off of there and either pay for it or let the man tow it.”
The smirk rapidly vanishes from Guido’s face, as this is not what he thought would happen.
“But, but I was only here for 10 minutes, I just ran in to get my laundry and, well, didn’t think I had to pay the meter. You got to understand my situation here with this prick *gestures at me* saying he’s going to tow me for that, its (a bad word)! This is all (a bad word)!”
“Is that your excuse for the other tickets too and the fact you haven’t paid them?” the cop asks.
“I don’t have to pay those” Guido insists
“Yes you do, or he tows the car, that’s his job and you can’t get in the way of him doing his job because you don’t like it.”
“I can’t (not a very nice word) pay that, I don’t have the money”
“Then get down and let him tow it”
Guido crosses his arms and looks away, oh man, is he actually trying the I-don’t-want-to-and-you-can’t-make-me approach? I thought we all knew by the time we were 8 that you don’t pull that on authority figures, not your Mom, not your English teacher and certainly not someone who’s been provided by the public with 45 rounds of ammunition and a means to use it.
“You want to get arrested?” The cop asks, sensing that Guido isn’t going to cough up any money.
Guido still pretends not to be interested in his imminent incarceration.
“Okay, have it your way” the Cop says and makes a move towards him. Guido leans back and actually throws half an arm at the cop.
“Don’t you touch me!”
Hoo-boy, wrong thing to say, I’m cringing on the inside waiting for the fireworks to start.
“I”ll touch you if I have to. In fact, the next time I touch you, it’s going to be because I’m arresting you! Now get off that Jeep, it’s being towed.”
Guido just crosses his arms and looks the other way.
“Okay, we’re going!” the cop declares as he lunges for Guido and gets a hand around his wrists. Guido manages to pull back just enough to fall off the side of the jeep and fall out of the cop’s grasp. He stutter steps over to the sidewalk and takes off trucking down the street. The cop takes a few steps in his direction, but quickly abandons pursuit when he realizes that Guido has finally gotten off the Jeep like we wanted him to. He turns to me smiling and says.
“Eh, I don’t feel like running after the little turd biscuit (yes, he really did call him that) , just take the car and I’ll watch for him.”
Yes Sir!
Total bill for his little misadventure once the tickets and towing had been added up? $320.00 and every cop in town probably gunning for him now. Have a nice life, turd biscuit.
“I got a hot one down at the meters, Jeep Wrangler with Jersey plates, my handheld says there’s $175 in tickets unpaid on it.”
Wow, that’s quite a feat considering that a ticket for not paying the meter is only $15, the fact it doesn’t come to a round divisible of $15 means that one or more of them is probably a $25er, and you only get those for using handicapped spaces. Well, whatever, I go down to the meter lot, pull in and start hooking up. No sooner do I get started than some shirtless Guido in shorts and a backwards Phillies cap comes storming out of the place across the street.
“What do you think you’re doing?!” (Why do they start with this? Really, I mean, what does it LOOK like I’m doing? A slow dance?)
"You have $175 in unpaid parking tickets, you can pay for them now, or you will be towed"
“That’s (a bad word)! I was only here for like 4 minutes” (A lie, traffic meant it was 15 minutes before I even got on scene, and who knows how long it was between when he parked and when he got noticed)
“Sorry Sir, but either you pay your tickets or the Jeep is towed”
“I don’t have that money on me”
“Then it’s being towed”
“Like hell it is!” Guido declares and jumps up on the tailgate and folds his arms dramatically, “I can stay here all night!’
“Then I’ll be calling the cops” I warn him, he says nothing. So I grab the radio, and surprise, do exactly what I said I was going to do. About 5 minutes later, Officer Friendly arrives and asks me what the problem is.
“Well Officer, I was called to tow this vehicle for having outstanding tickets, currently, the owner owes $175.00 worth of unpaid fines. He’s refusing to pay, or to let me load, last words he said to me were that he was going to stay there all night.”
Cop gives Guido the evil eye in that “you made me come down here for this?” way and tells him off.
“No you’re not, get off of there and either pay for it or let the man tow it.”
The smirk rapidly vanishes from Guido’s face, as this is not what he thought would happen.
“But, but I was only here for 10 minutes, I just ran in to get my laundry and, well, didn’t think I had to pay the meter. You got to understand my situation here with this prick *gestures at me* saying he’s going to tow me for that, its (a bad word)! This is all (a bad word)!”
“Is that your excuse for the other tickets too and the fact you haven’t paid them?” the cop asks.
“I don’t have to pay those” Guido insists
“Yes you do, or he tows the car, that’s his job and you can’t get in the way of him doing his job because you don’t like it.”
“I can’t (not a very nice word) pay that, I don’t have the money”
“Then get down and let him tow it”
Guido crosses his arms and looks away, oh man, is he actually trying the I-don’t-want-to-and-you-can’t-make-me approach? I thought we all knew by the time we were 8 that you don’t pull that on authority figures, not your Mom, not your English teacher and certainly not someone who’s been provided by the public with 45 rounds of ammunition and a means to use it.
“You want to get arrested?” The cop asks, sensing that Guido isn’t going to cough up any money.
Guido still pretends not to be interested in his imminent incarceration.
“Okay, have it your way” the Cop says and makes a move towards him. Guido leans back and actually throws half an arm at the cop.
“Don’t you touch me!”
Hoo-boy, wrong thing to say, I’m cringing on the inside waiting for the fireworks to start.
“I”ll touch you if I have to. In fact, the next time I touch you, it’s going to be because I’m arresting you! Now get off that Jeep, it’s being towed.”
Guido just crosses his arms and looks the other way.
“Okay, we’re going!” the cop declares as he lunges for Guido and gets a hand around his wrists. Guido manages to pull back just enough to fall off the side of the jeep and fall out of the cop’s grasp. He stutter steps over to the sidewalk and takes off trucking down the street. The cop takes a few steps in his direction, but quickly abandons pursuit when he realizes that Guido has finally gotten off the Jeep like we wanted him to. He turns to me smiling and says.
“Eh, I don’t feel like running after the little turd biscuit (yes, he really did call him that) , just take the car and I’ll watch for him.”
Yes Sir!
Total bill for his little misadventure once the tickets and towing had been added up? $320.00 and every cop in town probably gunning for him now. Have a nice life, turd biscuit.
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