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One thing I can count on about a week before any major flower-sending holiday is that the calls will get weirder and angrier all too fast. Something about that time frame of about a week out makes people start calling up with all types of suck, from prank callers to fetish callers to angry people resenting the holiday to economy suckers upset that the flowers aren't free. Friday night was so bad my supervisor and I were giggling with disgust and recapping that day's weirdos but yesterday was worse in the build up to Mothers Day. These are just a few of the when it rains weirdos, it pours weirdos I dealt with yesterday.
Talk Show Flowers
Me
SC1 = Pretending to be a talk show host
Me: Thank you for calling, blah, blah, blah, blah
SC!: MY FLOWERS EXPLODED! MY FLOWERS EXPLODED!!
Me:
Sir, what did you say?
SC1 MY FLOWERS EXPLODED AND I"M A VERY IMPORTANT MAN I DEMAND YOU REDELIVER... 1111eleventy!!!
Me: Your name or order number please?
SC1: Don't you know who I am? I'm very important in the entertainment industry. I'm Steve Wilkos and I have my own television show. I don't have time for order numbers! I WANT NEW FLOWERS RIGHT NOW!
Let me just state here that I've seen the Steve Wilkos show. My 21 year old son will not miss it, he watches it daily so I know exactly what Steve Wilkos voice sounds like and it's not this mumbling ghetto-accented mess. I have either a con artist or a prankster on the phone.
Me: Sir, I find no orders in our system for or from a Steve Wilkos.
SC1: I am a famous guy, you will send me a new set of flowers to me at my home 1122 Retard Ave, Chi-town immediately.
Me: Sir, I know what Steve Wilkos sounds like and you are not him. There's no order in our system by that name either. Interestingly enough your phone number traces out to a Joe Blow at 123 Marvin Gardens in Chicago. I suggest you stop calling because I could call the police and let them know you're impersonating people in order to try and get free flowers
SC1: *click*
She Called Me 'Deceptive' *sob*
SC2 - A snappy woman clearly pissed off she has to actually spend money on something like flowers for her mother. From the first second she opened her mouth she sounded angry at the world. That makes me sound nicer and nicer and nicer just to piss on their parade.
Me: well, you know
Me: Thank you for calling, blah, blah, blah, blah
SC2: Yeah, what are your cheapest flowers for Mothers Day
Me: Our most economical arrangements are going to be either the small rose vase or dozen carnations for thirty dollars
SC2: What! Thirty bucks! That's OUT-RA-GEOUS!!!!
Me:
says nothing
SC2 That includes delivery by noon doesn't it?
Me: Delivery is an additional charge.
SC2: *very nasty tone of voice now* Well, how much by noon?
Me: *getting cheerier by the second* guaranteed noon delivery is an additional 5 dollar express delivery fee.
SC2: So I have to shell out shell out thirty five of my hard earned bucks just to send my mother a few lousy roses or carnations.
Me: Actually no, the price with taxes and delivery for the holiday will be forty two fifty.
SC2: What! That's insane! *here comes the whining* Why. So. Much?????
Me: Delivery on Mothers Day is our weekend rate of 15 dollars. You asked for an express before noon delivery that is 5 dollars and taxes are 2.50.
SC2: And how much of that does the florist actually get?
Me:
Now I know how much the florist is getting and being that it's Mothers Day and no florist wants to take an order from under sixty bucks I know for a fact that the company will probably have to give the florist everything but the sales tax to get the order out. It will be a money loser for us. Normally I try to discourage people from sending the cheaper arrangements because if the florists in that area are busy everyone will reject the order and she'll be mega warhead pissed off when I call her back to tell her that.
Me: Ma'am I cannot tell you that because it varies dependent on many different factors. We have a contractual relationship with our florists so I'm not sure I would be permitted to tell you. You don't go to McDonalds and ask them how much it costs for their supplies or a clothing store how much they pay their clothing designers.
SC2: Since you're being so deceptive I'm going to order elsewhere *click*
What deceptive? I told her prices, told her what delivery would be and now she's pissed because I will not tell her how much my company will be keeping?
The Fetish Guys
Yesterday I got the Foot Fetish Guy, the Tickle Guy AND Mr Boots And Panties.
Each pretend they are going to order and then want to start talking feet/tickling/boots and panties as they start to sound all moany. Urgh!
Sad Ones
Kids calling last second to try and buy corsages and boutonnieres for Prom because their local florist ran out. I feel bad for these kids but lack of planning and not ordering one weeks in advance is not my crisis. I spent about ten minutes explaining to one weeping girl how to go down to Wal Mart, buy a few mixed flowers and a roll of green florist tape and make a few simple boutonnieres.
Okay, so I know I bitch here about bad customers but all in all I love my job. The nutballs are few and far between usually. Most customers thank me before they get off the phone and tell me how calm, cheerful and helpful I am so it's always a shock to the system when I get someone in freakout mode telling me that I am the problem.
Talk Show Flowers
Me
SC1 = Pretending to be a talk show host
Me: Thank you for calling, blah, blah, blah, blah
SC!: MY FLOWERS EXPLODED! MY FLOWERS EXPLODED!!
Me:
Sir, what did you say?SC1 MY FLOWERS EXPLODED AND I"M A VERY IMPORTANT MAN I DEMAND YOU REDELIVER... 1111eleventy!!!
Me: Your name or order number please?
SC1: Don't you know who I am? I'm very important in the entertainment industry. I'm Steve Wilkos and I have my own television show. I don't have time for order numbers! I WANT NEW FLOWERS RIGHT NOW!
Let me just state here that I've seen the Steve Wilkos show. My 21 year old son will not miss it, he watches it daily so I know exactly what Steve Wilkos voice sounds like and it's not this mumbling ghetto-accented mess. I have either a con artist or a prankster on the phone.
Me: Sir, I find no orders in our system for or from a Steve Wilkos.
SC1: I am a famous guy, you will send me a new set of flowers to me at my home 1122 Retard Ave, Chi-town immediately.
Me: Sir, I know what Steve Wilkos sounds like and you are not him. There's no order in our system by that name either. Interestingly enough your phone number traces out to a Joe Blow at 123 Marvin Gardens in Chicago. I suggest you stop calling because I could call the police and let them know you're impersonating people in order to try and get free flowers
SC1: *click*
She Called Me 'Deceptive' *sob*
SC2 - A snappy woman clearly pissed off she has to actually spend money on something like flowers for her mother. From the first second she opened her mouth she sounded angry at the world. That makes me sound nicer and nicer and nicer just to piss on their parade.
Me: well, you know
Me: Thank you for calling, blah, blah, blah, blah
SC2: Yeah, what are your cheapest flowers for Mothers Day
Me: Our most economical arrangements are going to be either the small rose vase or dozen carnations for thirty dollars
SC2: What! Thirty bucks! That's OUT-RA-GEOUS!!!!
Me:
says nothingSC2 That includes delivery by noon doesn't it?
Me: Delivery is an additional charge.
SC2: *very nasty tone of voice now* Well, how much by noon?
Me: *getting cheerier by the second* guaranteed noon delivery is an additional 5 dollar express delivery fee.
SC2: So I have to shell out shell out thirty five of my hard earned bucks just to send my mother a few lousy roses or carnations.
Me: Actually no, the price with taxes and delivery for the holiday will be forty two fifty.
SC2: What! That's insane! *here comes the whining* Why. So. Much?????
Me: Delivery on Mothers Day is our weekend rate of 15 dollars. You asked for an express before noon delivery that is 5 dollars and taxes are 2.50.
SC2: And how much of that does the florist actually get?
Me:
Now I know how much the florist is getting and being that it's Mothers Day and no florist wants to take an order from under sixty bucks I know for a fact that the company will probably have to give the florist everything but the sales tax to get the order out. It will be a money loser for us. Normally I try to discourage people from sending the cheaper arrangements because if the florists in that area are busy everyone will reject the order and she'll be mega warhead pissed off when I call her back to tell her that.
Me: Ma'am I cannot tell you that because it varies dependent on many different factors. We have a contractual relationship with our florists so I'm not sure I would be permitted to tell you. You don't go to McDonalds and ask them how much it costs for their supplies or a clothing store how much they pay their clothing designers.
SC2: Since you're being so deceptive I'm going to order elsewhere *click*
What deceptive? I told her prices, told her what delivery would be and now she's pissed because I will not tell her how much my company will be keeping?
The Fetish Guys
Yesterday I got the Foot Fetish Guy, the Tickle Guy AND Mr Boots And Panties.
Each pretend they are going to order and then want to start talking feet/tickling/boots and panties as they start to sound all moany. Urgh!
Sad Ones
Kids calling last second to try and buy corsages and boutonnieres for Prom because their local florist ran out. I feel bad for these kids but lack of planning and not ordering one weeks in advance is not my crisis. I spent about ten minutes explaining to one weeping girl how to go down to Wal Mart, buy a few mixed flowers and a roll of green florist tape and make a few simple boutonnieres.
Okay, so I know I bitch here about bad customers but all in all I love my job. The nutballs are few and far between usually. Most customers thank me before they get off the phone and tell me how calm, cheerful and helpful I am so it's always a shock to the system when I get someone in freakout mode telling me that I am the problem.