Life Lesson 29: A Shower is Not a Toilet (Long, Language, Gross)

[Terl1982]

Ok, I know that all of my threads involve inappropriate receptacles for bodily fluids and I apologize. I am trying to work through it, so please be patient with me.

After dinner my camp had a different evening program that the whole camp would do. Things like capture the flag, scavenger hunts, bingo (when weather demanded indoor activities), carnivals, counselor hunts, etc. Most of these programs I really liked, but there were several that I did not. The top three would have to be dances, smash softball, and counselor drag contests (I don't know how/why we got away with it either, but I still have nightmares of itching poorly shaved legs).

Even though the kids couldn't get away with any funny business, they really enjoyed the dances. After dinner, the kids would all go back to the cabins and get showers, bathe themselves in Axe *shudders and gags*, and put on their one pair of nice clothes to impress the ladies. We usually send two counselors up to the bath house and then hang out at the cabin.

This particular night those who were not supervising the showers were playing cards at the cabin to kill time until everybody was ready to go to the dance. All of the sudden a counselor who was supervising shower time comes down and the following ensues. By the way this was my third year and thus I was in charge of the oldest guy cabins.

CC=Co-Counselor

CC: Hey Terl, we have a slight issue.
Me: *More focused on the game then the counselor* Whats up?
CC: One of the campers shit in the shower.
Me: *Trying to comprehend* Wait, what?
CC: A camper took a shit in the shower.
Me: Is this a joke?
CC: No, and another camper stepped in it.
Me: No fucking way! Show me!

We went up to the shower where all the campers had finished and had gone back to the cabins. We went inside and looked in the showers. Let me just say, I am a small person. 5'5" 140 lbs. These kids however are 12-15 so most of them are smaller than me. I have never produced a twozie 3/4 the size of this monster, and sure enough right in the middle of this beast was a dent where a kid had stepped in it. Right then my rage ignited and a red haze clouded my vision. I solemnly vowed that I would make the offender clean it up, fixed a glower on my face, and stormed back to the cabins.

My first order of business was to take care of the camper that had stepped in the feces. He was shaken and queasy but ok otherwise. That accomplished, I made every other camper line up outside to get talked at. I sent a couple of counselor up with the victim and another camper who could not have done it (rule of three) to the dance to tell my boss (the camp director) the situation and to explain we would be late. The counselor sent word back that my boss said it was ok if we skipped the dance entirely.

We tried numerous ways to get the camper to identify himself so that he could anonymously clean it and we would not have clean it ourselves and he would not be humiliated which was more than he deserved in my opinion, but I didn''t want to be overly harsh. I know it may seem obvious that it must have been the kid right before the victim, but it was more complicated than that. The showers are set up as a small rectangular area maybe 6'x 16'. There are 2 shower heads directly across from each other and curtains dividing the two shower areas as well as separating the showers from the rest of the bathrooms. The poo was right at the dividing curtain, so it was kind of out of sight unless you looked straight down and away from the shower head as you entered the shower. Still, we were pretty sure we know who it was, but never got him to confess. I believe it is worse for an innocent man to be punished than a guilty man to go free, so never acted on it. I have no sympathy for the camper who did it. I have a form of ulcerative colitis and therefore I sometimes have little warning before I have to go, but I have never had an accident when there was a toilet less than 10' away from me. Also, this was a well formed solid piece of dung, so he had some forewarning. The act was deliberate. That is just disrespectful.

Aftermath: We did not go to the dance which I kind of regret. Having grown up a little from that time, I have come to completely disagree with punishing the many for the deeds of the one, and like I said innocent man punished vs. guilty man going free. It turns out there was some kind of miscommunication because my boss was not ok with us keeping everybody behind so I got a lecture. Strange as it may sound, the campers bonded and united against the nameless perp and did not blame me at all for holding them back. In fact, they felt sorry for me. Those are some mature 12 - 15 y/o's!!!! The worst part of the story...Guess who broke his vow.

[zzapp the witch]

When I worked with maintenance at the local High School, it never ceased to amaze me the strange places almost adults choose to poo. EVERY. SINGLE. FLOOR URINAL. FULL. I'm just glad I never had to clean it up.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

I thought at first this was about peeing in the shower, which made me think of the seinfeld episode:

[george costanza]

"But it's all PIPES!"

[/george constanza]

But taking a crap in the shower. Ummm, WTF? I have seen crap in urinals before (also WTF?) but never in a shower. That's just really nasty.

[blas]

And I've heard horror stories from friends who work at tanning salons that people have actually peed in the garbages! Can't pee before you tan or god forbid, hold it for 20 minutes?

[Shards]

Those weren't mature 12 year olds, they were human beings. It's basic psycology that when a group understands that if even one of them screws something up, all of them will be punished, each individual begins working harder, and the group melds together. It works more or less in some people/groups than others, but it always happens at least a little bit. Why do you think military training is set up like it is? The point isn't to make the trainees miserable (although that's a side-effect) but to promote that effect.

[Terl1982]

Those weren't mature 12 year olds, they were human beings. It's basic psycology that when a group understands that if even one of them screws something up, all of them will be punished, each individual begins working harder, and the group melds together. It works more or less in some people/groups than others, but it always happens at least a little bit. Why do you think military training is set up like it is? The point isn't to make the trainees miserable (although that's a side-effect) but to promote that effect.

You bring up a great point. However in my experience it only works if the culprit remains anonymous. This allows all (even the one responsible) to rile at the ignorance of one person that leads to all of them suffering. This is great because it can teach the guilty party his actions will not be tolerated, and he gets to bond. The unfortunate outcome is that he/she is not held responsible for his/her actions and I end up cleaning scat out of the shower. However if the perp is found out and revealed to all, this leads to him/her being ostracized by the group and eventually bullied. Kind of like what happened in Full Metal Jacket.

Unfortunately some of my experiences would have me conclude that most of the time while one or two 12 y/o boys may be human beings, a group of 5 or more will pull some shit that would suggest they are not human beings at all.

[PepperElf]

i wish i could say the navy was different. but it's not. We used the phrase "Mad Shitter"

1) "A" School. They found shit in enough odd spots in the male heads (a shower, or the floor) that they started posting a male watch in the heads in one of the school houses. Someone did bitch that the watch was "discriminatory" because only the men had to stand watch but the response was "The females aren't shitting on the floor." (but hey people love to whine and bitch)

2) Several of my ships had some Mad Shitters. The ballsiest one was on my last ship a few years before I got there. The Mad Shitter would slip a note in the CO's suggestion box stating where the next location would be... yet they they never got caught. (I think they kept getting to the spots too late...)

[Jay 2K Winger]

Guuuhhhh, this brings back some bad memories from middle school.

I HATED middle school. I didn't have very good self-esteem back then, and despite being a fairly tall guy, had almost no defenses against bullies. And the ones who'd been bullying me for two and a half years in elementary school (3rd thru 5th grade specifically) found new friends in middle school and passed the suck along to them.

I'd made some enemies in gym class in particular. One of my chief tormentors, Josh P, had once gotten his head slammed into a locker when I snapped one day, and I summarily almost got pulverized by all of his friends before the coach showed up. They, unsurprisingly, all said I did it for "no reason." The coach, being understanding, told me to stay after everyone had left, then told me privately, "I know you wouldn't have done it without being provoked. Just try not to do it again."

Well, this one time they rounded up every guy in my class in the guys' locker room and told us someone had taken a dump on the locker room floor. They didn't tell the perpetrator to out themselves publicly, but told everyone to write down who did it (if they knew) and hand the papers in. AND THEN THE COACH LEFT THE ROOM.

Josh P and the rest of my tormentors all managed to convince everyone in the locker room to blame me for it. The two of my friends who were in the class that day broke ranks and refused to blame me. The coach comes in, sees the "votes," tells me to stay after, and asks me bluntly if I did it. I deny it, near being in tears, and he believes me.

Easy to see why I hated middle school so much.

[Digitalpotato]

I hated high school....so many idiots would just go on the floor. I've never run into a vinshit van gogh or a pukeasso but they still would just go on the bloody floor....