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I've volunteered to work every Sunday, because, in my state, we get paid time and a half on Sundays. But it's also the busiest day of the week here in my small town, with the widest range of sucky customers possible.
I suffer from a condition known as GERD (gastro-esophegia reflux disease/disorder) At it's mildest, it's like persistant heartburn..at its worst, it's like vomitting battery acid mousse. Sunday I was all the way into the red zone and it just wasn't a nice day. I basically hated everyone I waited on (deli counter), if only because their intestines werent churning. I'll just pick a few of my favorites...
I AM psychic!
1. I dont like to judge people based on their appearance, but I can spot a snotty biatch a mile away. A bleach blonde tottering on spike heels approaches my counter, and I think "oh great, here's a ditzy one" (sidenote; I myself am a bleach blonde, no prejudice toward the actual hair color on this woman, it was more the vacant look on her heavily made up face). I ask how I can help her and she asks me "Do you have, like, you know...fresh bread? You know, like, um...bakery bread?"
(at the deli? seriously?)
I smile my most sympathetic smile and respond "Perhaps they do, over there, at the bakery" as I point to the left, where there are piles of fresh bread and pastries, right under the BIG sign that says "BAKERY"
2. A woman approaches my counter, not quite as made-up as the Bread-Lady, but still pretty diva for grocery shopping. I think "oh great, snotty bitch" I ask how I can help her and she waves her fingers at me in a "get away" gesture. "I'm just looking," she tells me in this hoity-toity tone.
I couldnt help laughing, she was so far over the top in her diva act. I turned my scoff into a cheerful grin and said "Ok, you just let me know if ya need anything, okay?" and stepped aside to where I was cleaning up before. Within a minute, I hear this plantive whiny "Please!" I look up. The Diva is waving her hand now in a "come-hither, servant" motion. I stepped back over "Can I get ya something?" And again "please!" "OK," I ask, "What would you like?" Again the needy, desperate "Please!!" like she was trapped in a well and the only thing that would help her out was deli meat. And again, I had to quickly turn my guffaw into a "I'm so happy to be waiting on you" grin, as she ordered her <whatever>
For the rest of the shift, whenever my tummy was really hurting, my co-worker would turn to me and say "Please!!"
Oh maybe I'm NOT psychic!
Guy approaches counter, chatting on his cell phone. I step up, smile at him, but wait til he ends his call to ask if I can help him. His answer? "Yeeaahhh....I need, um....a....pound....of......uh....lunch meat. Yeah, I need something for sandwiches...for lunch." And then he just stops and looks at me.
Um...
I decided to play the good-natured wise-ass "Well, yeah, that's what we sell here. Can I help you narrow it down?"
The rest of the sale was fine. But you'd be surprised how many people step up the deli counter and just ask for "lunch meat" or "cold cuts"
In which I dont NEED to be psychic!
I saw her approach in her cranky old-lady shuffle. L--...the bane of my existance, my grocery-store nemisis, the nasty old bat who is rude and mean to everyone, who turns everything into an argument, who bitches about everything until she gets her way- EVERY TIME. I turned to CW and said " I cant do this today" and my awesome CW jumped in and took over, while I decided to give into the GERD and hit the ladies room. I walked away listening to L-- yelling about how "wet" that "turkey meat" looked. *sigh*
Aw, refuge in the ladies room. I relieved my gurgling tummy of it's foamy acid (ok, I ralphed), and gargled with lots of cold water....and there's a knock on the door (single toilet restrooms in our store) "I'll be right out," I call and splash some water on my face" Louder banging on the door, and the muffled sound of "it's locked!" from outside. "I'll be right out!" I yell a little louder, and more banging. WTF??
So I unlock the door and the woman standing there says "Oh, what did you do, fall in?"
I snapped "No, actually, I'm sick, thanks for your concern. but WHY is it any of your business what I do in the bathroom??"
She just stood here, mouth open, as I stormed by her out to have a cigarette that my body was begging for, but my tummy warning against. When I got back to the deli, my CW told me that the Taster had just been there. The customer we call "The Taster" comes in at least a few times a week, sometimes with friends and asks to try a slice of this, slice of that, a spoonful of this salad or that...and rarely orders anything. When she DOES order, it's usually 1/4 lb, which she eats as she walks through the store, then sticks the empty bag behind something on the shelf. It's widely known by all of the employees, why she's never been busted, I have no clue.
CW: When she asked to try the <ham> I told her it was the same one she tried last night, it hasnt changed.
Yay for CW!
Then I had to deal with Crazy Lady. She makes a lot of small talk but then uses it to subtly insult us. Nothing worth mentioning from this past encounter, but my favorite was:
CL: Have you ever tried the <turkey>?
me: oh, yes, that's a good one. My kids dont eat <turkey> so I buy it just for myself *smile*
CL: oh, well, dont eat too much of it, that could be why you're so chubby
WTF?? (for the record, I'm 5'5" and 142 lbs after having 3 kids. Not exactly "chubby" UGH!)
CL also told one of my CWs that her voice was "too squeaky"
Last one for this post...more of a "WTF" than sucky, but still left me feeling pissy. Guy asks about the bottles of spicy mustard, if they are any good or whatever. I say "I dont like spicy mustard, for some reason it gives me a headache"
He says " Oh. Well maybe it's cuz of all your earrings" (I have a total of 12)
huh??
hope everyone's week started out better than mine!
I suffer from a condition known as GERD (gastro-esophegia reflux disease/disorder) At it's mildest, it's like persistant heartburn..at its worst, it's like vomitting battery acid mousse. Sunday I was all the way into the red zone and it just wasn't a nice day. I basically hated everyone I waited on (deli counter), if only because their intestines werent churning. I'll just pick a few of my favorites...
I AM psychic!
1. I dont like to judge people based on their appearance, but I can spot a snotty biatch a mile away. A bleach blonde tottering on spike heels approaches my counter, and I think "oh great, here's a ditzy one" (sidenote; I myself am a bleach blonde, no prejudice toward the actual hair color on this woman, it was more the vacant look on her heavily made up face). I ask how I can help her and she asks me "Do you have, like, you know...fresh bread? You know, like, um...bakery bread?"
(at the deli? seriously?)
I smile my most sympathetic smile and respond "Perhaps they do, over there, at the bakery" as I point to the left, where there are piles of fresh bread and pastries, right under the BIG sign that says "BAKERY"
2. A woman approaches my counter, not quite as made-up as the Bread-Lady, but still pretty diva for grocery shopping. I think "oh great, snotty bitch" I ask how I can help her and she waves her fingers at me in a "get away" gesture. "I'm just looking," she tells me in this hoity-toity tone.
I couldnt help laughing, she was so far over the top in her diva act. I turned my scoff into a cheerful grin and said "Ok, you just let me know if ya need anything, okay?" and stepped aside to where I was cleaning up before. Within a minute, I hear this plantive whiny "Please!" I look up. The Diva is waving her hand now in a "come-hither, servant" motion. I stepped back over "Can I get ya something?" And again "please!" "OK," I ask, "What would you like?" Again the needy, desperate "Please!!" like she was trapped in a well and the only thing that would help her out was deli meat. And again, I had to quickly turn my guffaw into a "I'm so happy to be waiting on you" grin, as she ordered her <whatever>
For the rest of the shift, whenever my tummy was really hurting, my co-worker would turn to me and say "Please!!"
Oh maybe I'm NOT psychic!
Guy approaches counter, chatting on his cell phone. I step up, smile at him, but wait til he ends his call to ask if I can help him. His answer? "Yeeaahhh....I need, um....a....pound....of......uh....lunch meat. Yeah, I need something for sandwiches...for lunch." And then he just stops and looks at me.
Um...
I decided to play the good-natured wise-ass "Well, yeah, that's what we sell here. Can I help you narrow it down?"
The rest of the sale was fine. But you'd be surprised how many people step up the deli counter and just ask for "lunch meat" or "cold cuts"
In which I dont NEED to be psychic!
I saw her approach in her cranky old-lady shuffle. L--...the bane of my existance, my grocery-store nemisis, the nasty old bat who is rude and mean to everyone, who turns everything into an argument, who bitches about everything until she gets her way- EVERY TIME. I turned to CW and said " I cant do this today" and my awesome CW jumped in and took over, while I decided to give into the GERD and hit the ladies room. I walked away listening to L-- yelling about how "wet" that "turkey meat" looked. *sigh*
Aw, refuge in the ladies room. I relieved my gurgling tummy of it's foamy acid (ok, I ralphed), and gargled with lots of cold water....and there's a knock on the door (single toilet restrooms in our store) "I'll be right out," I call and splash some water on my face" Louder banging on the door, and the muffled sound of "it's locked!" from outside. "I'll be right out!" I yell a little louder, and more banging. WTF??
So I unlock the door and the woman standing there says "Oh, what did you do, fall in?"
I snapped "No, actually, I'm sick, thanks for your concern. but WHY is it any of your business what I do in the bathroom??"
She just stood here, mouth open, as I stormed by her out to have a cigarette that my body was begging for, but my tummy warning against. When I got back to the deli, my CW told me that the Taster had just been there. The customer we call "The Taster" comes in at least a few times a week, sometimes with friends and asks to try a slice of this, slice of that, a spoonful of this salad or that...and rarely orders anything. When she DOES order, it's usually 1/4 lb, which she eats as she walks through the store, then sticks the empty bag behind something on the shelf. It's widely known by all of the employees, why she's never been busted, I have no clue.
CW: When she asked to try the <ham> I told her it was the same one she tried last night, it hasnt changed.
Yay for CW!
Then I had to deal with Crazy Lady. She makes a lot of small talk but then uses it to subtly insult us. Nothing worth mentioning from this past encounter, but my favorite was:
CL: Have you ever tried the <turkey>?
me: oh, yes, that's a good one. My kids dont eat <turkey> so I buy it just for myself *smile*
CL: oh, well, dont eat too much of it, that could be why you're so chubby
WTF?? (for the record, I'm 5'5" and 142 lbs after having 3 kids. Not exactly "chubby" UGH!)
CL also told one of my CWs that her voice was "too squeaky"
Last one for this post...more of a "WTF" than sucky, but still left me feeling pissy. Guy asks about the bottles of spicy mustard, if they are any good or whatever. I say "I dont like spicy mustard, for some reason it gives me a headache"
He says " Oh. Well maybe it's cuz of all your earrings" (I have a total of 12)
huh??
hope everyone's week started out better than mine!
Anyway it's bad acid reflux and does cause stomach acid to back up in your throat...very uncomfortable. Like I mentioned before you can wake up in the middle of the night choking on hot acid..not fun. I used to have that problem until I started cpap therapy for my apnea, haven't had it in two years now.
He got pulled into the office by his manager and got chewed out. I don't know if the manager really felt that he would actually do something like this or not. 
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