If you would just listen... (long post)

[Calie]

My dad and I were at a noodle restaurant outside Portland OR where the servers did that. I found it very odd and mildly offputting.

Being a Portland resident, can you tell me which restaurant this is? That way I may never darken their doorstep.

As a recovering introvert, this "policy" creeps me out...like others have said, I prefer my waiters to be polite (a little friendly never hurts), efficient, and keep my husband's water glass filled. And then they can have a nice tip. If they were to sit down with me...he'd probably tell them off while I shrank in a corner in shock.

[Dreamstalker]

...Yikes, it was about 2+ years ago...all I can recall is that it was in one of those outdoor shopping plazas (there's a huge Container Store there, that's all I remember). Not in Portland per se, but more likely between Portland and Beaverton.

[Calie]

...Yikes, it was about 2+ years ago...all I can recall is that it was in one of those outdoor shopping plazas (there's a huge Container Store there, that's all I remember). Not in Portland per se, but more likely between Portland and Beaverton.

...dangit, that's the side I live on. I only really go to a few restaurants, so I guess I'm safe. I'll just be really suspicious of any noodle restaurant I see.

ETA: googled a bit...perhaps you mean one of the stores at Bridgeport Village? There's a couple of restaurants that qualify as "noodle restaurants." Good thing I don't go there much either...

[driftwolf]

IMO, you were the SC's in the second story.

Bites tongue hard

[ditchdj]

I dont think he was an SC. My sister-in-law pulls that shit all the time whenever I need to talk to my wife about something when we're at her mother's. Irritates the hell out of me.

BTW I hail from Toledo too. He was very polite when he told the waiter that was a private conversation. Most other people up there would have used much coarser language in telling the waiter to screw off.

[driftwolf]

The waiter training I got (yes, I was there once) emphasized that the waiter should be invisible but ever-present. That is, the people should not notice you, but you should be able to keep an eye on their table such that when they START to look around you're there to serve. Constantly scanning tables as you move around was a requirement.

Sadly, that type of training seems to be very much lacking in North American restaurants. It has instead been replaced by management that seems to think it necessary to demean their workers even more by forcing asinine tricks on them like kneeling.

I don't want my server to identify with me, I want them to serve me. I wish management would just let the waiters do their damn job.

[Ironclad Alibi]

The waiter training I got (yes, I was there once) emphasized that the waiter should be invisible but ever-present.

That reminds me of Le Restaurant Des Ninjas.

[Canarr]

I don't want my server to identify with me, I want them to serve me. I wish management would just let the waiters do their damn job.

Agreed. I see no suck on the OP's part.

When I'm out eating with someone (girlfriend, or friends, or whomever), then I'm there to spend time with them. Not with some stranger; doesn't matter if he's the waiter or not. I mean, would you appreciate the guy from the next table over suddenly plopping down next to you, and interrupting your conversation? Probably not, right? You'd think it incredibly rude, right? So why would it be different with the waiter?

Now, as most people here said, I don't mind a bit of small talk. If the waiter is skilled at it, that might even be fun, but if you're dealing with someone who's noticeably forcing himself to do that, it's more annoying. I'd much rather have them bring me my food and drink silently, without some inane comments about the weather that I just *know* they don't really mean. But entering a table conversation without being invited? That's not friendly, that's intrusive.

What I've noticed from my visits to the US, is that restaurant staff in the US is generally much more familiar in their dealings with customers as we are used to here in Germany. The first time a waitress greeted me with "Hi, I'm Jenny, I'll be taking care of you tonight, what can I get you?" I just stared at her - I didn't know what to do. Was I expected to introduce myself as well? Cause, that's what you normally do, when someone introduces themselves to you. Fortunately, I was with an American friend, so I just took my cue from him. But that really caught me off guard.

A good waiter, to me, is someone who's friendly without being pushy, available without being intrusive, fast and professional. I don't want everybody out there to be my friend, or identify with me. When I'm in a restaurant, I'm not looking for a new friend, I'm looking for a meal.

[Pagan]

IMO, you were the SC's in the second story.

I'm sorry, but I fail to see how. Would you care to expand on your comment?

I agree, if only for the fact that you missed an opp to turn someone on to your game. Maybe the server heard something that piqued his/her interest.

That the server may or may not be interested in "Magic" is not the point. Like Canarr said, wouldn't you consider it rude if some random person from another table did the same thing? Doesn't matter who it is, they are trying to force themselves into a private conversation where they are obviously not wanted, nor welcome.

[Geek King]

That reminds me of Le Restaurant Des Ninjas.

I prefer the Ninja Burger chain, myself. They deliver anywhere.

[An Haddock]

Reading back through some stories, this one caught me eye because I am (was) an old-school MTG player. Started after Beta came out years ago.


Being one of the gamer geek types, I know that many of our "kind" are adverse to conversation with those who don't come off as other gamer geeks.

But, perhaps moreso, there is still a stigma attached to any magic-related games, be it MTG, D & D, and so forth. I mean, there's still people out there who say Harry Potter books encourage witchcraft. (I suspect they may be more afraid that children who read will become free-thinkers, but that's just my theory)

A friend of mine who had been playing MTG as long as I have been used to sneak down to the local gaming store. His mother was a bit of a religious nut and she would FREAK about him playing D & D, MTG, anything. If she thought he was at the gaming store she'd go down there to catch him and Tom would bolt out the back door and hide in the woods until she went away.

Likewise, some parent groups got all up in arms back in the old days of MTG because the Unholy Strength card had - GASP! - a pentagram on it. Subsequent versions of the card had the pentagram removed.

A lot of gamers are still hesitant to bring up their hobbies in public because of the negative attention its gotten over the years... from Rona Jaffe's horrible Mazes & Monsters book (and the movie, featuring a young Tom Hanks) to rumours of a D & D obsessed kid killing himself in his college's steam tunnels to "Chick Tracts" denouncing the game for inviting people to become satan worshippers and everything in-between. I still wait a good six months after dating a woman before I drop the "gaming" bombshell on her.

Geekdom is more mainstream and accepted now, but many of the old-school players are still cautious. It's not that we won't stand up for ourselves, but who really needs the hassle.