Oh. My. God (looooooonnnnngggg)

[customersruinmylife]

I am taking a weeks holiday, not so I can rest, but so I can find a new job ASAP. I have GOT to get out of there. All of this has happened over the past 2 days.

Annoying Child 1

If yesterday was a hint to what summer is going to be like in that place, I know I am making the right decision about leaving. It has been very warm where I live in the UK, and the pub is next to the beach. So, all day yesterday the pub was overrun with children.

I love children, but I work in an environment that is not suitable for them. So when I am at work, I HATE them. All of the children were cranky. Half were cranky because they wanted to go to the beach, and the other half were cranky because they had just been to the beach and were sunburned and tired.

Then there was this kid.

So there I am, placing some glasses through the glasswash window, when all I hear is:

Child: NO!! I DON'T WANT TO GOOOOOOOO!!

I look, and all of a sudden a kid, probably about 6 years old, has wrapped himself around my leg! He was clinging on to me like I was a post, he was VERY close to my crotch and about an inch away from my balls.

I just froze. I didn't dare move. His idiot mother showed up.

Mother: Let go of the man sweetie.
Child: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mother: Come on sweetie, let go of the man. It's time to go home.
Child: NOOOOOOOO! I WANT TO GO TO THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEACH!!

The mother timidly grabbed the childs hand. The child sunk his nails into my leg. I panicked and started shaking my leg.

Mother: Come on sweetie...

She managed to get him off me. She took his hand and walked out. He was screaming at the top of his lungs, and she reacted like he was the most innocent precious child in the world.

Oh. And did she say a word to me?

Did she fuck.

Nintendo Emergency

A frantic mother appeared at the bar.

Mother: Do you have any plug sockets that are free! It's an emergency.

I figured she needed to use the phone.

Me: Unfortunately the only sockets in the customer area are being used for the TV and gaming machines...
Mother: Oh God!
Me: Do you need to charge a phone?
Mother: No! The battery has died on my daughters Nintendo DS! She needs to charge it.

I could do nothing but sigh.

The daughter sat sulking for the rest of her stay.

Annoying Child 92384831158676

I got a bit fed up and did a head count.

There were twenty-five screaming children in the pub.

Usually it's an event if there's more than one! But twenty-five?!?!

No, I don't know

A lady sent back her meal.

SC: Can I have a fresh meal please?
Me: OK, what seems to be the problem?
SC: It's just so...you know!
Me: I'm sorry?
SC: It's just...it's just...you know!
Me: Riiiiight.
SC: Oh! Well never mind then!

The Twilight Bathroom Zone

SC: Excuse me, I seem to be lost! Can you give me some directions please?
Me: Oh...I'll try, but I don't live around here so I'm not sure how useful I will be...
SC: Can you tell me where the toilets are?

Again, I sighed.

Me: Just look for the neon sign that says "TOILETS"

It was above his head.

I Am Octopus

A family of eight ordered food. I can carry four plates at a time, but it's a struggle. I give them the first four meals.

Me: OK, I'll just be right ba-
Mother: Excuse me?!? Where are the rest of our meals????

My patience is wearing thin.

Me: I'm sorry, a witch put a curse on my mother, and as a result, I was only born with two arms.

The seven other people she was sat with laughed.

Nice Doggy

Someone brought a dog into the garden again!

Me: I'm sorry, but no dogs are allowed in the garden.
SC: Aw come on! He wouldn't hurt a fl-

The dog went apeshit and started snarling and snapping at me.

I just folded my arms and gave the SC a death look.

SC: Fine. We'll go.

Take your time

I went to serve on the bar.

SC: Can I order some food please?
Me: Sure, what can I get you?
SC: Well I don't know! I've only just walked in! In fact, do you have a menu I could look at?

I didn't have any handy.

Me: They are on the tables.
SC: Right, I'll be right back, don't go anywhere!

I went on my break.

Shout at me, and you will wait longer

I came back from my break and the bar was busy. I have absolutely no idea who is next.

Me: Ok, who was next please?

SC1: PINT OF CARLING!
SC2: FOSTERS!
SC3: BOTTLE OF BUD AND TWO PINTS OF JOHN SMITHS!
SC4: GUINESS!
SC5: DOUBLE VODKA AND COKE!

Yep, they all shouted at me at the exact same time. No "Can I have..." No "Please..."

I now officially no longer give a fuck.

Me: Oh! There's a dirty table in the customer area! Sorry guys! I'm gonna have to go clean it!

I walked off the bar.

If you're gonna lie...

I take food out to a table.

SC: Thank you. I hope it's a lot better than yesterday!
Me: Oh? What happened yesterday?
SC: The food was awful, and the attitude of the manager was appauling! We complained and he blanked us and walked off!
Me: Really??
SC: Yes!
Me: What time did this happen at?
SC: Oh, about lunch time.

Wait, I was the manager at that point! And I don't recall any complaints from them.

Me: Well, the only manager here at that time was me.
SC: Oh...uhhhh....maybe it...wasn't here then...maybe...uhhh...actually, now I think about it, it wasn't here! So silly of me! It was at *rival pub that looks NOTHING like ours*

Yeah, I think she was after something.

Oh just die already!

A co-worker and me finished at the same time. He asked if I wanted a drink after work. I agreed, as long as it wasn't there! So we went to the rival pub.

We walked inside, and two of the regular smelly alcoholic customers were there. It was happy hour, so they were there to get a cheap drink.

Regular: I think you'll find you're in the wrong pub gents! You should be in that one over there.
Me: Haha. (it was VERY forced)

The two regulars then moved from their current table, and sat at the one next to us! Co-worker and me were chatting (he was trying to convince me not to leave, he gave up in the end) and our conversation was constantly interrupted.

Regular: You had a busy day then?

Regular: Got any special offers coming up?

Regular: Are you working tomorrow?

Regular: Any chance of a discount next time I come in?

Regular: Don't be coming into work with a hangover tomorrow!

I turned to co-worker.

Me: Drink up. We're outta here.

Co-worker and me ended up going to a store, buying beer and going back to his house.

I fucking hope it rains tomorrow so all the customers will stay indoors.

[Dave1982]

*looks down at petulant child clinging to CRML*

"Oh, here.....drink this. It'll make you feel better."

*hands the child a big bottle of Angostura bitters*

You know, I'd say you need a stiff one after all that, but you clearly have that taken care of.

Good luck with the job search.

Oh, and the woman with the DS "emergency?" Let's say it together, shall we?

"Failure to plan on YOUR part does NOT constitute an emergency on MY part!"

[Pagan]

I fucking hope it rains tomorrow so all the customers will stay indoors.

Here, that is the signal for everybody to go out....a drive like bigger idiots than they already do.

[Food Lady]

Here, that is the signal for everybody to go out....a drive like bigger idiots than they already do.

Um, are you in Wisconsin? Because I've watched that happen for 7 years. They're even more mobile in a snowstorm.

[Pagan]

Um, are you in Wisconsin? Because I've watched that happen for 7 years. They're even more mobile in a snowstorm.

Um....no....not even close. Albuquerque. I think it's because we're so un-used to seeing that wet stuff that falls from the sky that we all need to go out and look at it.

[Slytovhand]

[quote]Me: I'm sorry, a witch put a curse on my mother, and as a result, I was only born with two arms.[/quote}

I do love that one! Glad it went down well, rather than really really badly... not that you'd really care, I spose.

And glad you're getting out! Rather than going apeshit on customers... (course, that could be considered fun..)

[customersruinmylife]

And glad you're getting out! Rather than going apeshit on customers... (course, that could be considered fun..)

Just wait until my last shift

[jjllbb]

Me: Ok, who was next please?

SC1: PINT OF CARLING!
SC2: FOSTERS!
SC3: BOTTLE OF BUD AND TWO PINTS OF JOHN SMITHS!
SC4: GUINESS!
SC5: DOUBLE VODKA AND COKE!

Yep, they all shouted at me at the exact same time. No "Can I have..." No "Please..."

I absolutely HATE this. Coming off your break, several people in need of assistance, and you ask who is next and they ALLL claim to be next. So rather than waste time figuring out who to believe you just try to start with one and help all of them as quickly as possible and they get pissed at YOU for not knowing who is lying about being there first. I mean seriously be angry at the jerk who is trying to get ahead of you, don't yell at the EMPLOYEE for being human and not a lie detector.

[Rapscallion]

No, I don't know

A lady sent back her meal.

SC: Can I have a fresh meal please?
Me: OK, what seems to be the problem?
SC: It's just so...you know!
Me: I'm sorry?
SC: It's just...it's just...you know!
Me: Riiiiight.
SC: Oh! Well never mind then!

Curses! You took me back to the vague bastards who plagued my shop back in the day. They'd wave a hand vaguely at produce asking if you had any more. What was wrong with it? "Oh, you know..."

No. No I don't. What's wrong with it? The only problem is that they're not being treated with warm fuzzies for no actual problem at all.

Rapscallion

[Racket_Man]

Um, are you in Wisconsin? Because I've watched that happen for 7 years. They're even more mobile in a snowstorm.

why only in a snowstorm???? two rain drops fall or two snowflakes or just have the sun or the moon come up and most of my fellow cheeseheads drive like idiots.

[sms001]

Me: They are on the tables.
SC: Right, I'll be right back, don't go anywhere!

I went on my break.

Nice when it works out that way, eh?

Good luck in the job search!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Um, are you in Wisconsin? Because I've watched that happen for 7 years. They're even more mobile in a snowstorm.

Dingdingdingding, show the lady what's she won!

Bad weather=good sales days at the swamp. Except during massive snowstorms. Then all the action comes the day after it stops snowing.

I stay off the roads as much as possible so as not to get tied up in somebody else's idiocy behind the wheel.

[Food Lady]

Um....no....not even close. Albuquerque. I think it's because we're so un-used to seeing that wet stuff that falls from the sky that we all need to go out and look at it.

I totally understand; I'm from California.

And Irv, absolutely the same thing happens at my store. I posted on another thread how we had a thunderstorm where lightning struck the parking lot TWICE and people didn't go home.

[Reyneth]

I Am Octopus

A family of eight ordered food. I can carry four plates at a time, but it's a struggle. I give them the first four meals.

Me: OK, I'll just be right ba-
Mother: Excuse me?!? Where are the rest of our meals????

My patience is wearing thin.

Me: I'm sorry, a witch put a curse on my mother, and as a result, I was only born with two arms.

Don't you wish you could have brought the rest of the plates one. at. a. time. after that? lol

[Mr Hero]

Mother: No! The battery has died on my daughters Nintendo DS! She needs to charge it.

She's doing it wrong. In a situation like this, the daughter is supposed to yell, "Help!" at the top of her lungs. In no time at all, this DS emergency will be taken care of by 3 dancing agents.