Here's something I just found saved on my PC that I typed years ago, probably when I first discovered this site, back when it was only 5 years young, many hacks and server changes ago! So, this post was in all likelihood lost years ago... until I rediscovered it just now!
On a very frustrating day several years ago, I started really thinking about my years in retail, and the many things I've experienced over the years... ESPECIALLY the Sucky Customers!
Many of us are familiar with the concept of the Seven Wonders of the World... especially the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, which if you didn't learn about them in history class, you can easily read about them in any good Encyclopedia. And no, wikipedia does NOT count as a "good" Encyclopedia!
Using that name "The Seven Wonders of the World" as a jumping off point, this, then, was my Retailer's Version, with a slight twist on the original concept... which will become apparent to you as you read it!
I'm posting this list here, because yes, much of it DOES deal with SCs!
The 7 Wonders of the World (Retailer’s Version)
Some additional things that have come up since then....
Still, I hope you've all had a good laugh after reading these!
On a very frustrating day several years ago, I started really thinking about my years in retail, and the many things I've experienced over the years... ESPECIALLY the Sucky Customers!
Many of us are familiar with the concept of the Seven Wonders of the World... especially the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, which if you didn't learn about them in history class, you can easily read about them in any good Encyclopedia. And no, wikipedia does NOT count as a "good" Encyclopedia!
Using that name "The Seven Wonders of the World" as a jumping off point, this, then, was my Retailer's Version, with a slight twist on the original concept... which will become apparent to you as you read it!
I'm posting this list here, because yes, much of it DOES deal with SCs!
The 7 Wonders of the World (Retailer’s Version)
- WHY do you morons never understand that no does, in fact, mean NO?!?
This one does, in fact, actually have an answer: Bad parenting. You see, once upon a time, Joe Q. Public, Airhead-At-Large, was, in fact, li'l Joey. And when he wanted something, he wanted it NOW! But Mommy was mean, and told him no. So, he continued to pester her over and over and over and over and over until she gave in from frustration and said yes. But then there were times that didn't work, so then he asked Daddy, and pestered HIM. If that didn't work, he went on down his list – Grandma, Grandpa, etc., etc., until someone said YES. This taught him that this was the way to get what you want. And since Mommy and Daddy never whupped his sorry behind to correct that behavior, he continues to do it as an adult. There have been behavioral research studies that have confirmed this as absolute fact. So now, as an adult, he comes into your store and asks for or even DEMANDS something that's against company policy and could cost you your JOB. You tell him no, so he asks another employee. And another. And another. Until, eventually, you're getting bitched at by your DM. Grrrrrrr... - Don't you asshats know what the fuck a phone is for?!?
If you don't know how late we're open, and if driving all the way out to our store is such a major inconvenience for you, PICK UP THE GODDAMNED PHONE AND CALL FIRST TO MAKE SURE WE'LL BE OPEN WHEN YOU GET THERE!! 'Cause guess what? We AREN'T reopening just for you, because, despite what you may believe to the contrary, the world DOESN'T revolve around you! - Where, in our job description, does it say that we're babysitters?!?
'Nuff said. - Don't you know how the fuck to read?!?
If the sign in the window says "CLOSED", guess what? WE ARE!!! GO THE FUCK AWAY!!!! Also, the sign with the Store Hours is there for a REASON, moron. Read it. Memorize it. Live it. And avoid our unholy wrath! - Whatever happened to the phrase "We reserve the right to refuse service to ANYONE"?!?
When did retailers and customers forget about this, the Golden Rule of Retail? Am I the only person who remembers this?!? - Who the FUCK is the moron that let customers find out about the phrase "The customer is always right"?!?
This was the most evil thing anyone in retail ever did, letting customers find out about that internal customer service guideline, because once it got into their warped li'l peabrains, the SCs of the world twisted it and perverted it to use as an excuse to get their way, usually when asking... no, DEMANDING that you do something that will most likely get you FIRED. I want a name. I want an address. I want a Presidential Pardon BEFORE THE FACT for killing the sonuvabitch responsible! - Why is it illegal to kill Sucky Customers?!?
I mean, it’s not like anyone would MISS them or anything.
Some additional things that have come up since then....
- Item # 6 has since been answered on these forums. It was a British retailer, who ran a department store called Selfridge's or something like that. He spilled the beans in an interview where he was asked "What is the secret of your success?" and he replied "I treat every customer as if they're always right." And he's been misquoted ever since, and we've ALL paid the price for his inability to keep that secret to himself.
- DISCLAIMER: This list is intended for HUMOROUS purposes only! While it WAS created at a time when I was filled with much righteous anger, I am NOT actually suggesting nor recommending that anyone should kill or in any other way harm their SCs... or the guy that founded Selfridge's... if he's even still alive. My intent is solely to make my retail brothers and sisters LAUGH with my own particular brand of black comedy. Any other interpretation on your part is therefore your own problem, and I can not and WILL NOT be held responsible for it.
Still, I hope you've all had a good laugh after reading these!
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