The 7 Wonders of the World (Retailer’s Version) *Long, contains adult language!*

[Jack T. Chance]

I'm gonna correct these others to make them fit into the concept a little better.

Assuming I understand the concept...
8. Why do you fuckwits use "I'll have your job" as a threat?!?
I doubt you have the mental clarity to work a calculator, much less pen and paper. There's no way you could do my job. However, if you'd like to try, here's an application, fill it out and return it, then wait three to four weeks minimum for my boss to look it over and possibly give you a call for an interview. Meanwhile, spend your days wallowing in fantasy worlds, writing coherent stories that mock daily life, around characters who aren't perfect. Have at minimum three of these stories going on, in your mind, concurrently, with four and five just waiting for the right inspiration before you put hand to keyboard.
Also, go a little insane.
I dare you.

Hey. I got a couple wonders here.

Let's see if I can count right...

Okay

9) What are you, some kind of phone racist, you shit stain?!?
Now, I'm not talking about racism against phones. For the record, some of my best phones are black. I'm talking about people who call tech support, get refused some extravagant thing they want, and then claim "You're just doing this to me because I'm black"

Whenever I hear this (Or rather, hear about or overhear, I've only had it once myself) I am forced to consider that whoever this is is from the future, and doesn't get that, in the year 2009, you can't see people you're talking to on the phone. Up until you told me I was being racist, I didn't even know you were black.

And

10) What, do you have selective eyesight or something, frakwit?!?
I know, its one of the more common ones, but what is it with people only noticing signs with the word "Free" or "Half Off" on them? What about the more common signs, like "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone"? Does nobody see that sign? Or the sign RIGHT FREAKING IN FRONT OF YOU which tells you how long you can rent a movie? Or, how about the little sticker on the MOVIE which tells you how long you can rent the movie?

11) I take it you're spatially challenged, lame brain?!?

Why, oh why is it people insist on picking up absurdly large items such as big-screen TVs and complete bedroom sets in an absurdly small vehicle such as a Mini Cooper?

And why is it many of the people who do show up with a vehicle that would otherwise be capable of holding the load waste space in the vehicle with garbage, groceries, purchases from other stores, or children?

I had a lady buy one of our big sleeper sofas and show up in a Pontiac Grand Prix to pick it up. I refused to pick it up off the flatbed. Ain't no way something that large is going to fit in a car trunk.

Ugh... having sold mattresses and furniture, I know all about those retards!

In fact, when I worked for Rockaway Bedding, they actually had to send an email out to all the employees, reminding them not to send people with tiny cars to the warehouse to pick up large (Queen and King size) mattresses, because yes, some of the sales staff WERE that stupid!

On the flip side of #4, in the only example of me being aggravated with a retail employee since I was 16, I was downtown today for classes and went by the Hobby shop to try to get my hands on some superglue, spray paint (for a base coat), and purple modeling paint, as I'm trying to paint my 40K miniatures, and already have all the colors I need except for the purple for details (color scheme is a custom design, using gold for the armor and both crimson and purple for detailing) and it was closed. No big deal, it's only 11:30, the store hours say it opens at 12 noon and stays open until 7. I have reason to be downtown again at 2, and I check again. No change. Store still closed, hours claiming it should be open, no sign or special notice that it is closed today for a special occasion. All product still on shelves inside, as far as I can tell through the windows, so they didn't close completely (I only checked because another store of the same name on the other side of town shut down about a month ago).

All I'm saying is that if we can hold customers to knowing our hours of operation, they should be able to hold us to being there or at least leaving some visible notice if at all possible. I'll be going back downtown (grandfather has a dental appointment) at 5, so hopefully it'll be open by then, but I'm not holding my breath.

See, I can't entirely agree with you, and here's why: Part of the reason I'm on CS is because of my sense of solidarity with my fellow retail wage slaves. We have to stand TOGETHER with our retail brothers and sisters, and part of that means understanding that SHIT HAPPENS!

You have NO way of knowing WHY the store was closed. Maybe somebody came down with the dreaded swine flu that morning. Maybe someone got into a car accident. Maybe the person that was supposed to open was tragically KILLED, or, even worse, KILLED HIMSELF! (Yes, I HAVE seen that happen once.... guy was someone I knew, too. )

On the flip side, maybe it was closed for a GOOD reason, like the guy's wife giving birth to their new baby!

Bottom line is, we don't know what was going on or why they couldn't put up a note. But give them the benefit of the doubt, because hey, us retailers gotta stick TOGETHER, man!

12. Why do you think that, just because you worked fast food that one summer in high school, you're suddenly qualified to do my job?!?

No you aren't dickwad. Unless you've worked in a store in our chain in the past month since our policies change constantly you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You worked here THREE years ago? Congratulations, everything you think you know is hopelessly obsolete.

And that's the last one, so far...

bottom line, the part highlighted in red is what I changed, hope that makes it a little easier to understand the concept at work here.

[tropicsgoddess]

13. What makes you jackasses think you know more than me about computers just because you know how to turn it on and off?!!

I get SCs that call in and when I tell them that their computer (which 9 times out of 10 is a prehistoric honkin' piece of shit) is fubar'd, needs a part replaced, etc. and they tell me that they don't believe me, what I said was "nonsense" and tell me "But it was wooooorking fine the other day/yesterday" kinda crap. Better yet, I get the ones that TRY to act like they know what they're talking about with computers when in fact they don't know shit and try to tell me how to do my fucking job. Listen asshole, if you think you know more about computers than me and I for one had formal training for it (as opposed to your "formal training" being computers for dummies books or your bullshit claim of being some big glorified computer/electronic job/degree you have)both on and off the job, then stop wasting my fucking time, and please do a grand favor to shut the fuck up and fix your fucking computer if you know so much, ya smart ass!

[Imogene]

14. Why, oh why, must you assault my eardrums with the crappy radio/TV jingle when you enter my domain?
As if having it play on the overhead radio wasn't enough, and they can actually kind of sing, you, and your damnably atonal singing voice can just shut right the hell up. I can't stand the jingle when it's sung well. And I absolutely fly into a murderous rage when someone who can't sing forces me to listen to them. Combine these two, and I'm gonna have to get out the industrial strength blood solvent while cleaning tonight. If you can sing, for fark's sake, sing SOMETHING ELSE!

[Blade_Raver]

13. What makes you jackasses think you know more than me about computers just because you know how to turn it on and off?!!

I get SCs that call in and when I tell them that their computer (which 9 times out of 10 is a prehistoric honkin' piece of shit) is fubar'd, needs a part replaced, etc. and they tell me that they don't believe me, what I said was "nonsense" and tell me "But it was wooooorking fine the other day/yesterday" kinda crap. Better yet, I get the ones that TRY to act like they know what they're talking about with computers when in fact they don't know shit and try to tell me how to do my fucking job. Listen asshole, if you think you know more about computers than me and I for one had formal training for it (as opposed to your "formal training" being computers for dummies books or your bullshit claim of being some big glorified computer/electronic job/degree you have)both on and off the job, then stop wasting my fucking time, and please do a grand favor to shut the fuck up and fix your fucking computer if you know so much, ya smart ass!

I love it when they tell me that "But it was working fine yesterday" blah blah blah.. If they piss me off well enough, I tell em "Well, go time travel to yesterday and ask your computer what's wrong. What happened then doesn't matter because NOW your computer is broke."

[draco664]

I love it when they tell me that "But it was working fine yesterday" blah blah blah.. If they piss me off well enough, I tell em "Well, go time travel to yesterday and ask your computer what's wrong. What happened then doesn't matter because NOW your computer is broke."

Heh, I always used to ask them 'Do you want to use it yesterday or today?' It tends to confuse them enough that they shut up.

[Jack T. Chance]

Heh, I always used to ask them 'Do you want to use it yesterday or today?' It tends to confuse them enough that they shut up.

I'm only just now seeing your post, but I'm gonna have to remember that one!