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A collection of quick ones that happen on a regular basis at my supermarket:
If you'd rather pay more, Part 1
My store has what amounts to a frequent flyer card for customers. Certain items are on sale week to week; the discounts are applied when the cashier scans your card.
Me: <rings items and totals the order> ... "Do you have your <store> card with you today?"
SC: <hands me the card> ... "Oooooh, I saved a whole 24 cents!"
Me: "I can reverse the discount if you'd like
"
SC: <pays in a hurry and leaves in shame>
If you'd rather pay more, Part 2
One day per week, we offer a 5% discount on the entire order for senior citizens. Apparently that's not good enough ...
SC: "What's the senior discount?"
Me: "It's five percent on your entire order, sir/ma'am."
SC: "Five percent!? That's nothing. You should offer 10 percent ... at least that's something!"
Me: "Ten percent is twice five percent, and twice nothing is still nothing, so if five percent is nothing, ten percent must be nothing as well. If you really want nothing, we can accommodate that, or you can have the five percent instead."
SC: <head asplodes>
Where am I supposed to go?
There are 3 Post Office branches within a 2-mile radius of my store. You'd think we were the only stamp retailer on the continent. We sell them at cost, as a service. We make no money doing it, and this is the thanks we get when we invariably sell through our inventory.
SC: "Book of stamps!"
Me: "I'm sorry, sir/ma'am. We're all sold of stamps at the moment."
SC: "This is ridiculous! Where the hell am I supposed to go to get stamps?"
Me: "
I hear the US Post Office sells them now."
How did you find me?
This one happens over the phone, at least 10 times per day.
Me: "Thank you for choosing <store>, how can I help you?"
SC: "Yeah, uh, can you give me the phone number for the <store> at <some location 20 miles away>?"
Yes. It's in the phone book, about two inches from the listing for my store. You could also have called 411, or used the internet. I'm just curious ... who did you call to get our phone number?
Do you come here quarterly?
SC: "I need a rain check for <some weird item that's on sale>."
Me: "OK ... <writes out rain check> ... here you are sir/ma'am, it's good for two weeks, but we should have the item back in stock by the day after tomorrow."
SC: "Two weeks!? That's not very long, is it?"
Me: "It's twice as long as the one-week sale. That's not long enough for you?"
SC: "Day after tomorrow, you said? I guess that'll be OK."
That's what I thought.
If you'd rather pay more, Part 1
My store has what amounts to a frequent flyer card for customers. Certain items are on sale week to week; the discounts are applied when the cashier scans your card.
Me: <rings items and totals the order> ... "Do you have your <store> card with you today?"
SC: <hands me the card> ... "Oooooh, I saved a whole 24 cents!"
Me: "I can reverse the discount if you'd like
"SC: <pays in a hurry and leaves in shame>
If you'd rather pay more, Part 2
One day per week, we offer a 5% discount on the entire order for senior citizens. Apparently that's not good enough ...
SC: "What's the senior discount?"
Me: "It's five percent on your entire order, sir/ma'am."
SC: "Five percent!? That's nothing. You should offer 10 percent ... at least that's something!"
Me: "Ten percent is twice five percent, and twice nothing is still nothing, so if five percent is nothing, ten percent must be nothing as well. If you really want nothing, we can accommodate that, or you can have the five percent instead."
SC: <head asplodes>
Where am I supposed to go?
There are 3 Post Office branches within a 2-mile radius of my store. You'd think we were the only stamp retailer on the continent. We sell them at cost, as a service. We make no money doing it, and this is the thanks we get when we invariably sell through our inventory.
SC: "Book of stamps!"
Me: "I'm sorry, sir/ma'am. We're all sold of stamps at the moment."
SC: "This is ridiculous! Where the hell am I supposed to go to get stamps?"
Me: "
I hear the US Post Office sells them now."How did you find me?
This one happens over the phone, at least 10 times per day.
Me: "Thank you for choosing <store>, how can I help you?"
SC: "Yeah, uh, can you give me the phone number for the <store> at <some location 20 miles away>?"
Yes. It's in the phone book, about two inches from the listing for my store. You could also have called 411, or used the internet. I'm just curious ... who did you call to get our phone number?
Do you come here quarterly?
SC: "I need a rain check for <some weird item that's on sale>."
Me: "OK ... <writes out rain check> ... here you are sir/ma'am, it's good for two weeks, but we should have the item back in stock by the day after tomorrow."
SC: "Two weeks!? That's not very long, is it?"
Me: "It's twice as long as the one-week sale. That's not long enough for you?"
SC: "Day after tomorrow, you said? I guess that'll be OK."
That's what I thought.
(cookie for reference)
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