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Been a while since I had a good one to contribute, but man last night was a doozy. First, some needed background: I work Security at a Hyatt in Denver, very nice place, brand new still, great staff, many good customers, and only the occasional arsehat. No biggie, really, and a vast improvement over my last hotel (pre-hack, there were quite a few stories about it). That said, I met a real winner last night who is easily in my "top 10" list of most hated individuals.
Now, hotel security anywhere outside of Las Vegas is mostly a customer service job. Yes, there's the occasional problem, but most of the time it's things like helping guests who were locked out of their rooms, people having problems with their in-room safes, lost and found...basic things. It's really not a job that gets us yelled at much, partially because we're the problem solvers, and partially because most people realize that we can throw them out of the hotel if they forced us to.
Now, the problem in this hotel is that we have two bars, one in the lobby and another up higher in the building, and guests can often go between them and receive far too much alcohol before they are cut off. Some of you might take this as the hint regarding what's about to happen.
The night had been going rather well...we were somewhat busy, it was a full night, and the hotel was playing host to the famous Jazz musician Al Jarreau. As such, we have over 1000 non-guests in the hotel for his deal and another event going on, which isn't a problem as we have off-duty police helping with security for Mr. Jarreau so we don't get overrun. The day is going remarkably smooth, as the planning done was superb, and everything is working out just right. But keep in mind, it's a Saturday night, the bars are starting to fill up, and people are starting to drink. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that for every 99 friendly drunks you meet, there will be one angry drunk hiding in the middle.
The night continues, 7pm, 8pm, 9pm, no problems, and finally 10pm rolls around, and all hell breaks loose. First, Mr. Jarreau ends his performance, which starts a slew of activity sneaking him away from the crowd and back to his room before people can harrass him (he's a nice guy, but he gets that a lot). At the exact same time, the individual who we will refer to only as "L" has one drink too many in our lobby bar, and gets cut off. The bar calls us over, but before we can get there he has stumbled away, and managed to recover enough grace to get himself served in the upstairs bar. Within two drinks, he begins causing problems. Enter security.
I arrive with another officer, "A" from now on, and things are in full swing. The guest is screaming at the bartenders who are refusing to serve him more alcohol, threatening them with legal action, the whole bit. Meanwhile, he's keeping a death grip on the bar, and it's quite clear that he's having difficulty standing upright. Over our radio earpieces, we hear the off-duty police with us saying they'll be joining us in the bar in a matter of moments, but by that time we've already decided to talk to Mr. L.
Here's a small excerpt of our conversation with this winner:
Me: Excuse me sir, is there a problem?
L: There ain't no farking problem.
Me: Could you tell me why you're screaming at our employees then sir?
L: *incoherent*
Me: Sir, I think you've had enough alc...
Now, this is where the sentence stopped, as Mr. L has decided to make the single worst mistake you can make when you are too drunk to stand staight up: he's decided to throw a punch.
Little secret about me, I don't get angry. Frustrated yeah, upset sometimes, but real furious anger is not something I feel very often, and I like to think I'm a pretty nice guy. The trick is, everything I just said gets reversed the second someone tries to hurt me.
Also, I practice Ju-Jutsu just in case something like that happens.
Now, this isn't where I want to be. I'm standing in a poorly-lit bar filled with customers and employees, and someone has just started a fight. Now, the trick with fighting drunk is that you're not very quick. A 2 year old could have dodged the punch Mr. L threw, but that's not the point...we now have a guy who could theoretically hurt anyone in the bar who gets too close, and I have to basically allow roughly 80 people watch me hurt someone. I thought of this afterwards in this detail, but at the time it was more of a flicker in my mind.
Suddenly, we're on the ground, and this guy's screaming. I didn't hurt him too badly, just sort of twisted his arm so he couldn't fight any more, but then the police are standing there (luckily, 4 guys I know well). L immediately starts screaming bloody murder, demanding I be arrested for assault, all that good stuff...which does him tons of good, especially when the police asked him why I assaulted him.
"Because I tried to punch this jackass" he cried. Ever seen one of those movie moments where a room full of people smacks their foreheads at the same time? Somehow, that seemed appropriately funny to me at the time, since I couldn't help cracking up.
So, Idiot L, 4 off-duty police, 2 security officers counting me, three bar supervisors, the bartender who was being screamed at, and my boss the director of security get to go walking down to the office together. Now, I had my adrenaline moment, it was wearing off, and I was calming down as the officers started to do their thing...I stay out of the way of the police when they do this, but I'm close at hand in case they need me. Which is when the final straw came...
I'm talking to my boss, and something hits me. It doesn't hurt, but it makes me jump, and after half a second I realize what's been done...this dumbass just hocked a snot-filled loogie onto my head!
It's a great testament to the people present that I did not get arrested at that point...before I could go four steps, my boss, "A" from above, and 2 of the officers almost literally dove onto me and pulled me away to go wash off...I was spitting fire. They literally forced me into a bathroom and blocked the doorway so I could wash off, but wouldn't be able to get out, with only a tiny bit of restraint keeping me from trying to fight my way past them. An hour passes, and I start to regain my senses, and 2 hours later I'm finally calm, and they let me out just in time for the good news to be communicated back. Not only has the idiot been taken to the drunk tank, but he's in a bit of a jam. See, he now has two charges of assault, the first for trying to hit me, and the second for spitting on me, and one charge for being drunk and disorderly. Oh, and there's a warrant out for his arrest for failure to appear in court.
Upon retrospect though, yeah, it might be nice to see him go to jail...but I still would've given that up for just one swing at the SOB...
Now, hotel security anywhere outside of Las Vegas is mostly a customer service job. Yes, there's the occasional problem, but most of the time it's things like helping guests who were locked out of their rooms, people having problems with their in-room safes, lost and found...basic things. It's really not a job that gets us yelled at much, partially because we're the problem solvers, and partially because most people realize that we can throw them out of the hotel if they forced us to.
Now, the problem in this hotel is that we have two bars, one in the lobby and another up higher in the building, and guests can often go between them and receive far too much alcohol before they are cut off. Some of you might take this as the hint regarding what's about to happen.
The night had been going rather well...we were somewhat busy, it was a full night, and the hotel was playing host to the famous Jazz musician Al Jarreau. As such, we have over 1000 non-guests in the hotel for his deal and another event going on, which isn't a problem as we have off-duty police helping with security for Mr. Jarreau so we don't get overrun. The day is going remarkably smooth, as the planning done was superb, and everything is working out just right. But keep in mind, it's a Saturday night, the bars are starting to fill up, and people are starting to drink. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that for every 99 friendly drunks you meet, there will be one angry drunk hiding in the middle.
The night continues, 7pm, 8pm, 9pm, no problems, and finally 10pm rolls around, and all hell breaks loose. First, Mr. Jarreau ends his performance, which starts a slew of activity sneaking him away from the crowd and back to his room before people can harrass him (he's a nice guy, but he gets that a lot). At the exact same time, the individual who we will refer to only as "L" has one drink too many in our lobby bar, and gets cut off. The bar calls us over, but before we can get there he has stumbled away, and managed to recover enough grace to get himself served in the upstairs bar. Within two drinks, he begins causing problems. Enter security.
I arrive with another officer, "A" from now on, and things are in full swing. The guest is screaming at the bartenders who are refusing to serve him more alcohol, threatening them with legal action, the whole bit. Meanwhile, he's keeping a death grip on the bar, and it's quite clear that he's having difficulty standing upright. Over our radio earpieces, we hear the off-duty police with us saying they'll be joining us in the bar in a matter of moments, but by that time we've already decided to talk to Mr. L.
Here's a small excerpt of our conversation with this winner:
Me: Excuse me sir, is there a problem?
L: There ain't no farking problem.
Me: Could you tell me why you're screaming at our employees then sir?
L: *incoherent*
Me: Sir, I think you've had enough alc...
Now, this is where the sentence stopped, as Mr. L has decided to make the single worst mistake you can make when you are too drunk to stand staight up: he's decided to throw a punch.
Little secret about me, I don't get angry. Frustrated yeah, upset sometimes, but real furious anger is not something I feel very often, and I like to think I'm a pretty nice guy. The trick is, everything I just said gets reversed the second someone tries to hurt me.
Also, I practice Ju-Jutsu just in case something like that happens.
Now, this isn't where I want to be. I'm standing in a poorly-lit bar filled with customers and employees, and someone has just started a fight. Now, the trick with fighting drunk is that you're not very quick. A 2 year old could have dodged the punch Mr. L threw, but that's not the point...we now have a guy who could theoretically hurt anyone in the bar who gets too close, and I have to basically allow roughly 80 people watch me hurt someone. I thought of this afterwards in this detail, but at the time it was more of a flicker in my mind.
Suddenly, we're on the ground, and this guy's screaming. I didn't hurt him too badly, just sort of twisted his arm so he couldn't fight any more, but then the police are standing there (luckily, 4 guys I know well). L immediately starts screaming bloody murder, demanding I be arrested for assault, all that good stuff...which does him tons of good, especially when the police asked him why I assaulted him.
"Because I tried to punch this jackass" he cried. Ever seen one of those movie moments where a room full of people smacks their foreheads at the same time? Somehow, that seemed appropriately funny to me at the time, since I couldn't help cracking up.
So, Idiot L, 4 off-duty police, 2 security officers counting me, three bar supervisors, the bartender who was being screamed at, and my boss the director of security get to go walking down to the office together. Now, I had my adrenaline moment, it was wearing off, and I was calming down as the officers started to do their thing...I stay out of the way of the police when they do this, but I'm close at hand in case they need me. Which is when the final straw came...
I'm talking to my boss, and something hits me. It doesn't hurt, but it makes me jump, and after half a second I realize what's been done...this dumbass just hocked a snot-filled loogie onto my head!
It's a great testament to the people present that I did not get arrested at that point...before I could go four steps, my boss, "A" from above, and 2 of the officers almost literally dove onto me and pulled me away to go wash off...I was spitting fire. They literally forced me into a bathroom and blocked the doorway so I could wash off, but wouldn't be able to get out, with only a tiny bit of restraint keeping me from trying to fight my way past them. An hour passes, and I start to regain my senses, and 2 hours later I'm finally calm, and they let me out just in time for the good news to be communicated back. Not only has the idiot been taken to the drunk tank, but he's in a bit of a jam. See, he now has two charges of assault, the first for trying to hit me, and the second for spitting on me, and one charge for being drunk and disorderly. Oh, and there's a warrant out for his arrest for failure to appear in court.
Upon retrospect though, yeah, it might be nice to see him go to jail...but I still would've given that up for just one swing at the SOB...
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