I do NOT need a stalker, thankyouverymuch!

[Amethyst Hunter]

This creepy guy who works at CVS a couple doors down (in the same shopping complex as my place of employment) just HAD to come through my line tonight.

Now, this guy's never said or done anything that could earn immediate wrath...but there's just something about him that I don't like. Hence I go out of my way to avoid passing by him whenever I walk down to the Chinese restaurant on my lunch breaks (he's usually sitting outside on the bench having his smoke break, and he likes to say hello to me if he sees me. I mumble 'hi' - damned inconvenient manners, grr - and keep walking without eye contact). But occasionally (not too often, thank God) I've spotted him inside my store.

Anyway, he decided to ask for my name, and inwardly I'm going "oh HELL no. Go away!" as my preferred response. But as that would have likely garnered me unwanted attention from the Bitchy Manager On Duty tonight, I settled for giving him a diminutive version (which I never use) of my name. Hey, it's sorta true...

But man, I hope he doesn't come around looking for me. I do NOT need a stalker, what with all the other crap I have to deal with at my joint.

[Mighty Girl]

Perhaps it's time to start wearing the fake-out wedding band. You can pick one up at any jeweler for under $40, it's actually a good thing to keep on hand.

Oh and that creepy feeling- that's your intuition telling you to watch out. It's there for a reason, listen to it.

[Mad-Bassist]

I like the idea of a fake wedding band except for one thing: I think the kind of guy that ladies are trying to avoid are the type that will hit on them whether or not they're wearing a ring.

It would be good if one already has a boyfriend though--as long as said boyfriend doesn't think he can get away with not buying something nicer.

[Amethyst Hunter]

I'm a believer in intuition, so yeah, I'm not about to tune it out. I don't need a boyfriend, I just need some Loser-Away Spray to spritz Annoying People with to make them go away.

[Kogarashi]

I'm a believer in intuition, so yeah, I'm not about to tune it out. I don't need a boyfriend, I just need some Loser-Away Spray to spritz Annoying People with to make them go away.

I believe they call that Pepper Spray.

[Geek King]

Try Mace, not the spray but a real, big stick with a studded metal ball on it. Gar-UN-teed to stop stalkers in thier tracks.

[Gravekeeper]

Well, he's not overtly threatening yet. So just get a spray bottle full of water. Whenever he comes around, spritz him and say "No! Bad!".

Works on customers too.

[draftermatt]

Do you have a large male friend? Have him come to your work and pretend to be your angry boyfriend, who will kill anyone who looks at you wrong.

[friendofjimmyk]

There are a lot of good suggestions here...I like gravekeepers suggestion of the spray bottle - it works with annoying cats when they are trying to wake you up in the morning, maybe it would work on annoying stalker types.

I agree that the feeling you have regarding him is intuition...and your gut feeling is usually never wrong.

I've done the fake wedding band thing and let me tell you - if they want to bother you - they will bother you - no matter what you have on your finger. A friend of mine recently uttered, "Rings don't plug holes." Nice, huh? He's a bit on the young side and can be considered a player.

I also almost broke down and had a friend of mine come to the kiosk I was working to drive off a stalker I had. This dude was about 60 years old - lived at home with his mom and chewed tobacco but never brushed his teeth! He asked me out on several occasions. He described what we would do - we'd meet in Dallas somewhere and take the train to Fort Worth (a normal 30 - 40 minute drive) to go to some Country/Western bar...of course, when the bar closes, we'd have to just get a hotel room in Fort Worth for the night because the train wouldn't be running that late....

The kiosk was VERY slow during the day and I was trapped when he'd come and talk to me so I took to pretending I had a lot of calls to make using my cell phone. He actually bought a cell phone one day and immediately came to the kiosk to ask me how to use it. He wanted to know what would happen if it rang. I felt he was trying to get me to call him and show him...I tried to do so - blocking my number - but when it didn't work - I said my cell phone wasn't working that day!

One last gross thing about this dude - he would bring his mom up to the mall one day every week (that's when he would grace me with his presence). His mom was a rather elderly lady. She would get her hair done at the beauty school that was in the mall. Well, one day, she decided she'd get a pedicure. This dude went on for great lengths about how long it would take to do her toe nails because of all the "gunk" she had up underneath them...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Driving away stalkers: just one more service I offer!

A girl I used to work with had this one really dorky loser kid who would come into the store all the time while she was working and try to talk to her. She would try to brush him off without much success. He never seemed to get the hint that she wanted nothing to do with him.

Until one night when she was working down one aisle and dorky loser kid was down another aisle trying to be coy. I said to her in a fairly loud voice "Hey! Tell me the story about the time your boyfriend beat up that guy who tried to hit on you! How many days was he in the hospital again?"

I never saw him again.

[Giggle Goose]

There's this homeless guy who lives in the woods of in the back of this shopping center I used to work in. One of the managers of a knick-knack shop used to give him some cash to help unload trucks, which he would usually go and spend on booze at one of the local restaurants. He always reeked of it. He would ride around on his bike and go up to any girl and say: "How you doin' [baby, honey, sweetie, pretty-girl, etc.]." He used to call me "blue-eyes" even though he would always ask me what my real name was every time he saw me. He always forgot. And if you didn't say anything to him when he said "HI" to you, he would get sooooo mad and curse you out. As far as I know, he's still around. He's a nuisance, but he's harmless so we just kind of put up with him.

[Zombi]

Gah! I think I inherited my super magical powers of loser attraction from my mother. It's entirely her fault that creeps seek me out and talk to me. At great length. Never minding the fact that I'm reading/eating/doing an essay on the bus. I had one in my lit class this semester, who would NOT. SHUT. UP. The whole class hated this guy's guts, including me, but for some reason he decided I was his special friend. He didn't sit next to me in the tute, thank god, because then I might have been forced to stab him repeatedly with a pencil. I mean, when your tutor has done lunch with Agatha Christie on several occasions, you don't need some loser prattling in your ear about his fanfiction.
Then there was the other guy, who fell in love with me. Seriously. In love. I feel bad about accepting gifts from such people, but I think I'm too nice for my own good, and can't refuse. He bought me a sword, for god's sake! How do you refuse a present like that?! All my friend got when he fancied her was a Transformers DVD.
Then there are the random people who talk to me on the street/bus/train/everywhere I go. I was walking up to the outlet mall the other day, and this guy on a bike (who was most definitely several sheets to the wind), says "Hey, I like your boots!" and proceded to talk to me for a while. That conversation ended with "OK, well, I have to go hand my dole forms in now! Seeya!" on his part, and the look on my part.

Make them die now!

[Becks]

I'm thankful that the majority of my creepy stalkers have found different places of employment.

Now I have my male harem.

[csdrone]

The eye of death helps get rid of wierdos.

[friendofjimmyk]

Now I have my male harem.

I have one of those too!