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Background: On my name tag, it says that I'm the assistant manager at the movie rental store where I work. This is so that the customers don't get stuck into me too much. In reality, I'm the one who runs the place when the Boss isn't there. Given she comes up about once a week (she lives in Victor Harbor, and owns the store there as well), I'm usually in charge. These are some of my pet peeves, and some annoying people. Mild swearing ahead.
It's not a race.
When I ask you for your membership card, do not immediately rattle off your phone number. Chances are, I'm facing you (not looking at the computer), and I need to get into another screen before I can enter your number.
While we're on that subject, take a breath. You don't need to get out all 10 digits of your mobile number in under two seconds. I'm usually fast enough to catch them all, but not everyone is.
It's not a state secret.
I have trouble hearing sometimes and our store can be rather noisy, what with screaming children, the annoying loop-tape and being on a main road. When telling me your phone number or password, I know you don't want everyone in the store to hear. Making it hard for me to hear, though, doesn't help you acquire the shiny goodness of rental products.
It's not that hard a concept.
When I ask you for your membership card, don't look at me like I'm an idiot. I'm not psychic, I work 5-6 days a week and usually serve at least 60 people a day. More if I'm working the night shift or weekends. Unless you come in every day and chat to me, I'm not going to remember you.
Also, if you don't have your card, yes I'm going to need a phone number. We probably have both your mobile and home number listed, it shouldn't be too hard to remember one of them.
It's not up to me.
To the Steven Segal fan: yes, I understand that you have copies of every single Steven Segal movie. Yes, I realise that he's in a couple of new ones. No, I don't know how many copies we'll be getting in. Yes, I realise we don't get many copies of his movies in. It's because most people have noticed by now that they're all the same, so they don't rent very well. No, I'm not going to ask for more to be ordered just so that you can buy one ex-rental. Yes, I'm a bitch. I know.
It's not up to you.
I realise that no one likes paying late fees. It's a shame that your daughter/son/husband/illegitimate love-child didn't return those movies. But guess what?
You told them your password. You told them your details. You have them listed as authorised users of your card. You received an SMS every day that the movies were late, telling you to return them.
Once the movies were returned you made no attempt to pay the fees. We sent you two letters reminding you what was owing. It's now three months later.
Take it up with the debt collectors. And no, I don't give a flying toss about your credit rating. Yes, again, I'm a bitch like that.
It's not a good idea...
Okay Pirate. You've just told me that your friend, Steven Segal man, likes to chase younger girls. As in, barely legal/illegal girls. You've told me that he's listed as a predator, and to tell the other girls to be careful around him. Fair enough.
Following that up by asking a co-worker if I have a boyfriend, because you want to ask me out, is a very bad idea.
You're 45. I can see this on your membership. I'm 21.
"Dear Kettle, I'm afraid that there is something about your hue which has been bothering me for some time..."
It's not a bank.
We are a movie rental store. We are not a bank. If you give me a $100 note first thing in the morning to pay for something that costs less than $10, I am going to ask if you have anything smaller. It would wipe out my cash reserves for the day.
Actually, any time anyone tries to pay with a $50 or $100 and I have to give more than $40 in change, I will be difficult and make it up with random numbers of notes and coins in an attempt to not run out of everything. Want smaller notes? Go to a frigging bank.
It's not a never-endingpacket of Timtams supply.
It's the middle of the school holidays. Harry Potter 6 and Ice Age 3 are opening at the movies soon. This means that we have none of any other Harry Potter or Ice Age movies in store. Live with it, or buy the damn things. We've got plenty for sale - and pretty cheap at the moment, actually.
It's not your side.
Steven Segal man again. I know you know the drawer where we keep the customer orders. I know you often have things in there. But I swear, if you keep leaning over the counter to open the drawer, one of these days I'm going to react on instinct and hit your hand with something. Or slam the drawer shut on your fingers. Just keep tempting me, and something will happen.
It's not a race.
When I ask you for your membership card, do not immediately rattle off your phone number. Chances are, I'm facing you (not looking at the computer), and I need to get into another screen before I can enter your number.
While we're on that subject, take a breath. You don't need to get out all 10 digits of your mobile number in under two seconds. I'm usually fast enough to catch them all, but not everyone is.
It's not a state secret.
I have trouble hearing sometimes and our store can be rather noisy, what with screaming children, the annoying loop-tape and being on a main road. When telling me your phone number or password, I know you don't want everyone in the store to hear. Making it hard for me to hear, though, doesn't help you acquire the shiny goodness of rental products.
It's not that hard a concept.
When I ask you for your membership card, don't look at me like I'm an idiot. I'm not psychic, I work 5-6 days a week and usually serve at least 60 people a day. More if I'm working the night shift or weekends. Unless you come in every day and chat to me, I'm not going to remember you.
Also, if you don't have your card, yes I'm going to need a phone number. We probably have both your mobile and home number listed, it shouldn't be too hard to remember one of them.
It's not up to me.
To the Steven Segal fan: yes, I understand that you have copies of every single Steven Segal movie. Yes, I realise that he's in a couple of new ones. No, I don't know how many copies we'll be getting in. Yes, I realise we don't get many copies of his movies in. It's because most people have noticed by now that they're all the same, so they don't rent very well. No, I'm not going to ask for more to be ordered just so that you can buy one ex-rental. Yes, I'm a bitch. I know.
It's not up to you.
I realise that no one likes paying late fees. It's a shame that your daughter/son/husband/illegitimate love-child didn't return those movies. But guess what?
You told them your password. You told them your details. You have them listed as authorised users of your card. You received an SMS every day that the movies were late, telling you to return them.
Once the movies were returned you made no attempt to pay the fees. We sent you two letters reminding you what was owing. It's now three months later.
Take it up with the debt collectors. And no, I don't give a flying toss about your credit rating. Yes, again, I'm a bitch like that.
It's not a good idea...
Okay Pirate. You've just told me that your friend, Steven Segal man, likes to chase younger girls. As in, barely legal/illegal girls. You've told me that he's listed as a predator, and to tell the other girls to be careful around him. Fair enough.
Following that up by asking a co-worker if I have a boyfriend, because you want to ask me out, is a very bad idea.
You're 45. I can see this on your membership. I'm 21.
"Dear Kettle, I'm afraid that there is something about your hue which has been bothering me for some time..."
It's not a bank.
We are a movie rental store. We are not a bank. If you give me a $100 note first thing in the morning to pay for something that costs less than $10, I am going to ask if you have anything smaller. It would wipe out my cash reserves for the day.
Actually, any time anyone tries to pay with a $50 or $100 and I have to give more than $40 in change, I will be difficult and make it up with random numbers of notes and coins in an attempt to not run out of everything. Want smaller notes? Go to a frigging bank.
It's not a never-ending
It's the middle of the school holidays. Harry Potter 6 and Ice Age 3 are opening at the movies soon. This means that we have none of any other Harry Potter or Ice Age movies in store. Live with it, or buy the damn things. We've got plenty for sale - and pretty cheap at the moment, actually.
It's not your side.
Steven Segal man again. I know you know the drawer where we keep the customer orders. I know you often have things in there. But I swear, if you keep leaning over the counter to open the drawer, one of these days I'm going to react on instinct and hit your hand with something. Or slam the drawer shut on your fingers. Just keep tempting me, and something will happen.
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