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So this lady comes up with a bolt of rather expensive fabric. Apparently she's on a scavenger hunt and needs a bandana.
SC: I need a bandana
Me: Ok, what size
SC: Square
Me: You want a square?
SC: Yes
Me: (this is a 44" piece of fabric, she probably doesn't notice how big it is because it's folded in half.) I can only cut it this way (I motion down the fabric's width.)
SC: Square
Me: Ok (I measure out 44", that's a yard 8". That's a lot) I'll be here
SC: (apparently I had my hand resting on the counter) To your thumb?
Me: (I move my hand) No, all of it
SC: Square
Me
yes ma'am, this would be a square.
SC: Square
Me: (I unfold the fabric to show her that it is indeed a square) I asked how much you wanted, you said square which means you obviously want the same width and length, which would be 44".
SC: SQUARE! BANDANA! SQUARE! (speaking slowly and loud as if I'm an idiot)
Me:...and can you tell me how long you would like this square to be?
SC: ARE YOU AN IDIOT? SQUARE!
Me: Ok, why don't we try using numbers? 20"? 10"? Maybe 15"?
SC: (sigh) Don't you know what a bandana is?
Me: I do. You asked for a square, the only way for me to get you that square would be to give you 44".
SC: A square can be any size, just cut both sides!
Me: (oh, we're finally getting it. Yes, a square can be any size, but you have yet to give me that f***ing size! Argh!) As I've already stated, I can only cut the width for you, which I'd be more than happy to do if you'd just give me a measurement. Might I recommend 22"? That's the average size for a bandana.
SC: Square
Me: Alrightly then, 22" inches it is. (At this point I don't care anymore)
SC: (Takes fabric then notices it's folded and not just double sided. I thought she already knew that since I had unfolded it for her once. No, it's not a square when you unfold it. It's 22" By 44". Just keep it folded or cut it in half, there's already a line to follow.) This isn't square!
Me: I cannot cut it to be a square, I cannot cut it lengthwise. I cannot cut bandanas, I can only cut fabric. I cut the fabric, you make the bandana.
SC: SQUARE!
Me: We have bandanas in the second to last row, I can show you.
SC: I want this pattern, I want it square (Again talking very slow as if I'm a child)
Me: Alright, fine. (I cut the d*** fabric.) SQUARE! (I throw the ticket at her and go to the back room for a little break. Five minutes later my CW comes to the back.)
CW: What should I do with this? (She holds up the cut fabric.) The lady said it costs too much. (At this point I die a little on the inside. F***ing squares)
Oh, I'd also like to mention random lady who kept asking me the same question over and over during this exchange. It wasn't enough that I had to hear the word square 20 times, lets toss this into the mix.
RL: Where's the dollar fabrics?
Me: We don't have a section for dollar fabrics. The only ones you'll find are the 44" kona muslins and some of the red tag fabrics, though not many.
RL: I'm looking for the dollar cottons.
Me: We don't have any. The symphony are on sale for $1.99 and the Country Classics are a dollar off. Maybe that's what you saw?
(meanwhile SC from before looks like her head is going to explode)
RL: So you don't have dollar fabrics?
Me: Well, we have thousands of fabrics in the store. Only 1% of those are a dollar a yard. Try checking in the red tags.
RL then walks by every 5 minutes for 2 hours insisting there's a section for dollar fabrics. You got me. The gremlins that live in the sealing saw you coming and ate all the dollar fabrics just so your cheep ass wouldn't be able to buy them.
SC: I need a bandana
Me: Ok, what size
SC: Square
Me: You want a square?
SC: Yes
Me: (this is a 44" piece of fabric, she probably doesn't notice how big it is because it's folded in half.) I can only cut it this way (I motion down the fabric's width.)
SC: Square
Me: Ok (I measure out 44", that's a yard 8". That's a lot) I'll be here
SC: (apparently I had my hand resting on the counter) To your thumb?
Me: (I move my hand) No, all of it
SC: Square
Me
yes ma'am, this would be a square.SC: Square
Me: (I unfold the fabric to show her that it is indeed a square) I asked how much you wanted, you said square which means you obviously want the same width and length, which would be 44".
SC: SQUARE! BANDANA! SQUARE! (speaking slowly and loud as if I'm an idiot)
Me:...and can you tell me how long you would like this square to be?
SC: ARE YOU AN IDIOT? SQUARE!
Me: Ok, why don't we try using numbers? 20"? 10"? Maybe 15"?
SC: (sigh) Don't you know what a bandana is?
Me: I do. You asked for a square, the only way for me to get you that square would be to give you 44".
SC: A square can be any size, just cut both sides!
Me: (oh, we're finally getting it. Yes, a square can be any size, but you have yet to give me that f***ing size! Argh!) As I've already stated, I can only cut the width for you, which I'd be more than happy to do if you'd just give me a measurement. Might I recommend 22"? That's the average size for a bandana.
SC: Square
Me: Alrightly then, 22" inches it is. (At this point I don't care anymore)
SC: (Takes fabric then notices it's folded and not just double sided. I thought she already knew that since I had unfolded it for her once. No, it's not a square when you unfold it. It's 22" By 44". Just keep it folded or cut it in half, there's already a line to follow.) This isn't square!
Me: I cannot cut it to be a square, I cannot cut it lengthwise. I cannot cut bandanas, I can only cut fabric. I cut the fabric, you make the bandana.
SC: SQUARE!
Me: We have bandanas in the second to last row, I can show you.
SC: I want this pattern, I want it square (Again talking very slow as if I'm a child)
Me: Alright, fine. (I cut the d*** fabric.) SQUARE! (I throw the ticket at her and go to the back room for a little break. Five minutes later my CW comes to the back.)
CW: What should I do with this? (She holds up the cut fabric.) The lady said it costs too much. (At this point I die a little on the inside. F***ing squares)
Oh, I'd also like to mention random lady who kept asking me the same question over and over during this exchange. It wasn't enough that I had to hear the word square 20 times, lets toss this into the mix.
RL: Where's the dollar fabrics?
Me: We don't have a section for dollar fabrics. The only ones you'll find are the 44" kona muslins and some of the red tag fabrics, though not many.
RL: I'm looking for the dollar cottons.
Me: We don't have any. The symphony are on sale for $1.99 and the Country Classics are a dollar off. Maybe that's what you saw?
(meanwhile SC from before looks like her head is going to explode)
RL: So you don't have dollar fabrics?
Me: Well, we have thousands of fabrics in the store. Only 1% of those are a dollar a yard. Try checking in the red tags.
RL then walks by every 5 minutes for 2 hours insisting there's a section for dollar fabrics. You got me. The gremlins that live in the sealing saw you coming and ate all the dollar fabrics just so your cheep ass wouldn't be able to buy them.
I write, my friend Red draws. Comments welcome. Leave them on their, or on my profile here. 
I thought it was hilarious. It's now one of our frequent jokes. Gotta say--I love CS.
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