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Wherein Irv returns to the swamp and finds--not a whole lot went on while he was gone. Trucks still got done, customers still got served, furniture was a bombed-out mess but then again it always is.
To the doddering simps who bought that storage cabinet about 10 minutes into my shift:
No, I do not know how to fold down the seats in your Chevy Trailblazer.
Oh sure, I know how to fold down the rear seat in my car, but that doesn't mean I know how the seats in your vehicle fold down.
Perhaps you have in your vehicle a volume that explains to you how you fold down the seats. It's a book that comes free with every car sold, and it's about this Spanish guy named "Manual." In fact, I happen to know you have this book in your SUV, because I saw it nestled snugly in the driver's door pocket. I'd suggest curling up with it, next to a roaring, cozy fire and the drink of your choice, even if that happens to be Natty Ice.
Oh, and when I asked to sign your receipt, you had to go on a lengthy expedition through your pockets, your car consoles, and your bulging purses. That was fun. And by "fun," I of course mean "as entertaining as a rusty railroad spike jammed up the peehole." You told me I could just go, but I have to sign your receipt without fail, lest somebody narc me out and get a shrink wristband while I get a talking-to for creating a shrink concern.
Why stores put their Christmas stuff out absurdly early:
Customer: (in furniture) Do you have four of these card table sets? I need them for Christmas gifts this year.
Me: (checks on scanner) We only have two of them in stock. Do you want to buy those two, and then we can give you a raincheck for the other two or call other stores to get you two more?
Customer: We'll just go down to (neighboring city) for the other two. Say, when will you have your Christmas stuff up?
Me:...in a couple weeks maybe? I'm not sure.
It turns out the Christmas stuff isn't going to be out until November. Heh.
Why Irv assigns lowest priority to outside calls:
So I was running my ass off with two carryouts, responding to call boxes, and doing a price check for Domestics because nobody else was available to do it. An outside call got repeated six times before I got to it:
Customer: Well, it's about time! Do you have any idea how long I was waiting?
Me:
Well, we've been rather busy today. How can I help you?
Customer: Do you have those beanbag chairs you have pictured in your ad?
Me: Nope, sorry. They're all sold out and the bins they were kept in are in the backroom so I don't know if we will get any more.
Customer: You've saved me a trip. Thanks.
TL;DR version: If I have to choose between helping people in the store and people who aren't in the store, the people in the store are getting priority. They at least spent their time and gas coming in. The person calling from home might be trying to get out of making the trip out.
To the doddering simps who bought that storage cabinet about 10 minutes into my shift:
No, I do not know how to fold down the seats in your Chevy Trailblazer.
Oh sure, I know how to fold down the rear seat in my car, but that doesn't mean I know how the seats in your vehicle fold down.
Perhaps you have in your vehicle a volume that explains to you how you fold down the seats. It's a book that comes free with every car sold, and it's about this Spanish guy named "Manual." In fact, I happen to know you have this book in your SUV, because I saw it nestled snugly in the driver's door pocket. I'd suggest curling up with it, next to a roaring, cozy fire and the drink of your choice, even if that happens to be Natty Ice.
Oh, and when I asked to sign your receipt, you had to go on a lengthy expedition through your pockets, your car consoles, and your bulging purses. That was fun. And by "fun," I of course mean "as entertaining as a rusty railroad spike jammed up the peehole." You told me I could just go, but I have to sign your receipt without fail, lest somebody narc me out and get a shrink wristband while I get a talking-to for creating a shrink concern.
Why stores put their Christmas stuff out absurdly early:
Customer: (in furniture) Do you have four of these card table sets? I need them for Christmas gifts this year.
Me: (checks on scanner) We only have two of them in stock. Do you want to buy those two, and then we can give you a raincheck for the other two or call other stores to get you two more?
Customer: We'll just go down to (neighboring city) for the other two. Say, when will you have your Christmas stuff up?
Me:...in a couple weeks maybe? I'm not sure.
It turns out the Christmas stuff isn't going to be out until November. Heh.
Why Irv assigns lowest priority to outside calls:
So I was running my ass off with two carryouts, responding to call boxes, and doing a price check for Domestics because nobody else was available to do it. An outside call got repeated six times before I got to it:
Customer: Well, it's about time! Do you have any idea how long I was waiting?
Me:
Well, we've been rather busy today. How can I help you?Customer: Do you have those beanbag chairs you have pictured in your ad?
Me: Nope, sorry. They're all sold out and the bins they were kept in are in the backroom so I don't know if we will get any more.
Customer: You've saved me a trip. Thanks.
TL;DR version: If I have to choose between helping people in the store and people who aren't in the store, the people in the store are getting priority. They at least spent their time and gas coming in. The person calling from home might be trying to get out of making the trip out.
I write, my friend Red draws. Comments welcome. Leave them on their, or on my profile here. 
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