Here's a few that happened a few months ago. I copied them from my journal, figuring, why not share the misery with a wider audience?
No. Just...no.
One day, a girl brought in a roll and...well, several of the pictures were of people humping it out...and the thing that always gets me about these kinds of pictures is that there's always a third person involved--the one taking the pictures.
Add to that the fact that most of the humpy pictures I've seen either look like a guy banging a bag of antlers or two bags of wet laundry slapping together...
Also on the same roll were nine or ten pictures of two huge pigs fucking. Pics taken from all sorts of different angles. Make of that what you will. O_o
Self-explanatory
Question from a customer holding a pack of rechargeable AA batteries: "This says 'charge before using.' Does that mean I have to charge them?"
JUST LIKE ME!!!
One afternoon in October, a coworker and I were putting some new cameras into the glass case under the camera bar, when suddenly there was this shriek coming from behind me.
"DUDE!!! You're bald, just like ME!!!!"
I wasn't really paying attention to what was going on around me--I've found that, very often, the only way I can get through the day is to detach myself as much as possible from the mouth-breathing tool-users I'm surrounded by in that shithole--so it took a few seconds to really sink in. Then I turned my head slowly, frowning, and found some fucking mutation in a blue tie-dyed shirt staring at me with a rapturous grin.
He kept staring and grinning, and started babbling something about finding a lot of bald guys around here, "just like me!!!" Then he giggled like a little girl. O_o
Okay, fine, there's a lot of bald guys in this town. But none of us are like you, you weird little fucker.
I just gave him a "WTF?" look, then went back to work, tensing up because I had no idea what this humanoid might do. I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd walked over to me and started humping my leg. But according to my coworkers, he turned and shambled off, walking like Igor.
The department manager made it from the display case to the counter before she started laughing so hard that she couldn't even stand up. Everyone else busted a gut. Me? All I could do was shake my head and say, "What the fuck was that all about?"
"Probably the result of a lifetime of drug abuse," the manager said once she'd regained control of herself.
Yeah, drugs...and inbreeding...and rampant and unabated stupidity being passed from one generation to the next, growing ever stronger instead of diluting down through the ages.
Um, there's a time and a place...
I hadn't noticed this guy until one of the people from electronics came over and pointed him out to me. There was a guy walking around near the camera bar wearing a long shirt that reached below his crotch, hiding it all from sight. And he had one arm inside the shirt.
And his arm and hand were making very...suspicious motions.
Up and down motions.
Pumping motions.
Yes, this guy was walking through the store, masturbating right in front of everyone.
Spellers
One last thing. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. The Spellers--customers who drop off film for the one-hour service and, when we're filling out the envelopes, they spell their names. I don't mind this when the person's name is genuinely difficult to spell--but 99% of the time, the names are short and easy to spell.
Me: "Okay, your last name?"
Dickhead: "Young--Y-O-U-N-G."
You think I don't know how to spell "young," you asshole?
Me: "*sigh* And your first name?"
Dickhead: "Gene--G-E-N-E."
Oh, really? Well, E-A-T-M-E!
One day a guy spelled "Ken" for me. I was pretty much fed up at that point, so I said, "Gee, I never would've guessed."
He looked down his nose at me and said, "Probably not."
I hope you fall into a vat of AIDS and crack your skull open.
Others names that people spell for us, as if we never advanced farther than third grade...
Diane
Hall
Bill
Don
Holly
Bob
Ed
Yes, there was even someone who spelled "Ed" for me. He actually said, "Ed--E-D!" You have no idea how close I was to saying, "Oh, guess what? FUCK YOU!"
Seriously. Just because I work behind a counter, you think I can't figure out how to spell "Ed"? If your name is Blon Fel-Fotch Pasameer-Day Slitheen, I might need help spelling it. But Ed?
No. Just...no.
One day, a girl brought in a roll and...well, several of the pictures were of people humping it out...and the thing that always gets me about these kinds of pictures is that there's always a third person involved--the one taking the pictures.
Add to that the fact that most of the humpy pictures I've seen either look like a guy banging a bag of antlers or two bags of wet laundry slapping together...
Also on the same roll were nine or ten pictures of two huge pigs fucking. Pics taken from all sorts of different angles. Make of that what you will. O_o
Self-explanatory
Question from a customer holding a pack of rechargeable AA batteries: "This says 'charge before using.' Does that mean I have to charge them?"
JUST LIKE ME!!!
One afternoon in October, a coworker and I were putting some new cameras into the glass case under the camera bar, when suddenly there was this shriek coming from behind me.
"DUDE!!! You're bald, just like ME!!!!"
I wasn't really paying attention to what was going on around me--I've found that, very often, the only way I can get through the day is to detach myself as much as possible from the mouth-breathing tool-users I'm surrounded by in that shithole--so it took a few seconds to really sink in. Then I turned my head slowly, frowning, and found some fucking mutation in a blue tie-dyed shirt staring at me with a rapturous grin.
He kept staring and grinning, and started babbling something about finding a lot of bald guys around here, "just like me!!!" Then he giggled like a little girl. O_o
Okay, fine, there's a lot of bald guys in this town. But none of us are like you, you weird little fucker.
I just gave him a "WTF?" look, then went back to work, tensing up because I had no idea what this humanoid might do. I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd walked over to me and started humping my leg. But according to my coworkers, he turned and shambled off, walking like Igor.
The department manager made it from the display case to the counter before she started laughing so hard that she couldn't even stand up. Everyone else busted a gut. Me? All I could do was shake my head and say, "What the fuck was that all about?"
"Probably the result of a lifetime of drug abuse," the manager said once she'd regained control of herself.
Yeah, drugs...and inbreeding...and rampant and unabated stupidity being passed from one generation to the next, growing ever stronger instead of diluting down through the ages.
Um, there's a time and a place...
I hadn't noticed this guy until one of the people from electronics came over and pointed him out to me. There was a guy walking around near the camera bar wearing a long shirt that reached below his crotch, hiding it all from sight. And he had one arm inside the shirt.
And his arm and hand were making very...suspicious motions.
Up and down motions.
Pumping motions.
Yes, this guy was walking through the store, masturbating right in front of everyone.
Spellers
One last thing. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. The Spellers--customers who drop off film for the one-hour service and, when we're filling out the envelopes, they spell their names. I don't mind this when the person's name is genuinely difficult to spell--but 99% of the time, the names are short and easy to spell.
Me: "Okay, your last name?"
Dickhead: "Young--Y-O-U-N-G."
You think I don't know how to spell "young," you asshole?
Me: "*sigh* And your first name?"
Dickhead: "Gene--G-E-N-E."
Oh, really? Well, E-A-T-M-E!
One day a guy spelled "Ken" for me. I was pretty much fed up at that point, so I said, "Gee, I never would've guessed."
He looked down his nose at me and said, "Probably not."
I hope you fall into a vat of AIDS and crack your skull open.
Others names that people spell for us, as if we never advanced farther than third grade...
Diane
Hall
Bill
Don
Holly
Bob
Ed
Yes, there was even someone who spelled "Ed" for me. He actually said, "Ed--E-D!" You have no idea how close I was to saying, "Oh, guess what? FUCK YOU!"
Seriously. Just because I work behind a counter, you think I can't figure out how to spell "Ed"? If your name is Blon Fel-Fotch Pasameer-Day Slitheen, I might need help spelling it. But Ed?
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