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Bonjour, all! I have a few stories for yeh. Oh the pleasure. 
I was very mean (relatively), because, well, I can get away with it.
Teh Laughter, it pains meh! XD
Okay, so, I think this must have been the first time I've ever actually SNICKERED while dealing with an SC.
BG: She's alone, with a van, she put in the nozzle at the pump, set it going, and left it there. Well, you know, our pumps, depending on the type of car you have and how you put in the nozzle, they will sometimes stop several times and you have to restart them. It's not hard, not rocket science and usually not a problem, it actually makes us happier because it makes people stay out by their cars more often.
She has left her car...which is technically ILLEGAL. Why? Well, because I've seen a woman leave it out there and have it spraying out of her car like mad all over the pump and the ground and that's DANGEROUS. Durr.
SC: I have pump 6, I dunno when it's going to stop.
Me: Is someone out there with it--because it stopped pumping at $4.64 but the nozzle is still in the car.
SC: (condecsending bitch) That CAN'T be pump 6 then, it's going to take WAY more. I'm pump SIX.
Me: (I can see it, lady) Uh, yeah, that's pump six. It's stopped. Is there someone out there who can take it out?
SC: I'm by mySELF. (like she wanted to say "dumbass" after this)
Me: Well, ma'am (snicker snicker) you're going to have to either restart it and STAY WITH IT until is is done pumping, because I can't tell you when it's going to stop again, they just kind of do that by themselves.
SC: You mean, I have to GO OUT THERE?!
Me: You cannot pay for it until the nozzle is hung back up so yes, you'll have to go BACK OUT THERE.
SC: JESUS CHRIST, YOUR PUMP IS BROKEN! YOU BROKE IT! (she actually said that as she was stomping out the door)
So, she goes out (and I'm laughing my ass off), hangs it back up, stomps back in, pays for the 4-something, and then puts 60 more dollars on the pump.
Me: Remember, Ma'am, stay out there with the pump, it's ILLEGAL to walk away from it. 
Her face was priceless.
I would SHIT a BRICK
Some guy came in and handed me three lotto scratch-offs. The first one is a loser but he never said that is was so I checked it in the machine which was a total waste of my fucking TIME. The second was $4 and the third was $100. Great. Our biggest cash payout is $80, the rest will be a money order. Keep in mind that all these tickets had been bought for $3.
Also keep in mind that this is my last day, I am unrelenting and very mean pretty much about everything I say. I am CURT, I am HARSH.
Me: Okay, I'm going to owe you $104.
SC: You mean $107?
Me: *holding up the tickets* NO. I mean $104.
SC: No, see, that ticket should have another three dollars on it because I won up here, see? *he keeps pointing at the most goddamn confusing ticket, it wasn't matching numbers it was something that needed a whole page of instructions on the back*
Me: I just sell them, I don't play them, I don't see what you're talking about and apparently the lottery machine doesn't either. I'm not a magical lottery fairy, I don't control it, I HAVE to do whatever pops out of that thing.
SC: I understand that (no you don't, and you continue to make an ass of yourself) is there anyone I can talk to about this?
Me: You can talk to my manager but you're not going to get anywhere, this is all up to the lottery and WE are not THEM.
At this point my Awesome Manager comes back up to the front.
Me: AM, This guy has some questions about the lottery.
AM: *puts up his hands* Whatever prints out is what prints out. No control. (It was funny how he knew what we were talking about)
SC: So there's nothing I can DOOOO?!
Me: No, so do you want your $104? (or isn't it good enough without the other $3?)
SC: I guess so...
Yay, now where I have to break it to him that he can't get all his money here. XD
Me: Well, you've spent your extra four on tickets and you have one hundred left.
SC: *boldly gives me a smug smile and holds out his hand*
Me: *stares at him* If you not getting anything else I have to tell you that my biggest cash payout is $80, the rest will have to be in a money order.
SC: ...why can't you just give me the hundred?
Me: Because we have a limit. This is a convenience store. I shouldn't even have EIGHTY in my drawer, much less a HUNDRED. You're just lucky that right now I do have the grand total of four twenties in a drawer that is supposed to have none. Now I have to put the twenty on a money order if you don't buy more tickets.
SC: WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH A MONEY ORDER??!?!
Me: ........................cash it.
SC: WHERE?!
Me: ...........................a bank?
SC: Okay FINE, just give me the money order.
So...I did...after fiddling around with my manager with the receipts and whatnot, taking up about twenty minutes of time. By the time he left he was probably late off his lunch break.
The Old People, They Scare Meh
The first thing I'd like to say under that title is about the lady who came up to the counter when I was the ONLY ONE BACK THERE. I can't leave when that happens, I would get fired if I left from behind the counter.
She came up to the counter and scolded me like it was all my fault, tapping the counter with her finger to really emphasize.
SC: YOU need to do something about those toilets in the bathroom!!! They DON'T flush and one of them is getting really disgusting! YOU need to do something RIGHT NOW.
Me:
Okay, ma'am.
She leaves and I'm still standing up there, chuckling.
Teen: Aren't you going to go fix the toilet?
Me: Number one: Not my job to FIX the toilet. Number two: They do flush, if YOU flush them.
Teen: Haha, that lady was an old bag!
The second thing I would like to bring up is the homeless man who took a bath in our restroom. We sent our only guy in to tell him that he couldn't have his shirt hanging over the door but we didn't know what to do elsewise (the manager had gone home for the night). We have a lot of homeless guys and this one wasn't at all shy, he was washing his hair in the sink, generally being a nuisance, wouldn't let other guys use the sink at all. We finally had to tell him to leave.
Hmm, sorry about the length and the boringness. ._.;
I was very mean (relatively), because, well, I can get away with it.Teh Laughter, it pains meh! XD
Okay, so, I think this must have been the first time I've ever actually SNICKERED while dealing with an SC.
BG: She's alone, with a van, she put in the nozzle at the pump, set it going, and left it there. Well, you know, our pumps, depending on the type of car you have and how you put in the nozzle, they will sometimes stop several times and you have to restart them. It's not hard, not rocket science and usually not a problem, it actually makes us happier because it makes people stay out by their cars more often.
She has left her car...which is technically ILLEGAL. Why? Well, because I've seen a woman leave it out there and have it spraying out of her car like mad all over the pump and the ground and that's DANGEROUS. Durr.
SC: I have pump 6, I dunno when it's going to stop.
Me: Is someone out there with it--because it stopped pumping at $4.64 but the nozzle is still in the car.
SC: (condecsending bitch) That CAN'T be pump 6 then, it's going to take WAY more. I'm pump SIX.
Me: (I can see it, lady) Uh, yeah, that's pump six. It's stopped. Is there someone out there who can take it out?
SC: I'm by mySELF. (like she wanted to say "dumbass" after this)
Me:
Well, ma'am (snicker snicker) you're going to have to either restart it and STAY WITH IT until is is done pumping, because I can't tell you when it's going to stop again, they just kind of do that by themselves.SC: You mean, I have to GO OUT THERE?!
Me: You cannot pay for it until the nozzle is hung back up so yes, you'll have to go BACK OUT THERE.
SC: JESUS CHRIST, YOUR PUMP IS BROKEN! YOU BROKE IT! (she actually said that as she was stomping out the door)
So, she goes out (and I'm laughing my ass off), hangs it back up, stomps back in, pays for the 4-something, and then puts 60 more dollars on the pump.
Me: Remember, Ma'am, stay out there with the pump, it's ILLEGAL to walk away from it.
Her face was priceless.
I would SHIT a BRICK
Some guy came in and handed me three lotto scratch-offs. The first one is a loser but he never said that is was so I checked it in the machine which was a total waste of my fucking TIME. The second was $4 and the third was $100. Great. Our biggest cash payout is $80, the rest will be a money order. Keep in mind that all these tickets had been bought for $3.
Also keep in mind that this is my last day, I am unrelenting and very mean pretty much about everything I say. I am CURT, I am HARSH.
Me: Okay, I'm going to owe you $104.
SC: You mean $107?
Me: *holding up the tickets* NO. I mean $104.
SC: No, see, that ticket should have another three dollars on it because I won up here, see? *he keeps pointing at the most goddamn confusing ticket, it wasn't matching numbers it was something that needed a whole page of instructions on the back*
Me: I just sell them, I don't play them, I don't see what you're talking about and apparently the lottery machine doesn't either. I'm not a magical lottery fairy, I don't control it, I HAVE to do whatever pops out of that thing.
SC: I understand that (no you don't, and you continue to make an ass of yourself) is there anyone I can talk to about this?
Me: You can talk to my manager but you're not going to get anywhere, this is all up to the lottery and WE are not THEM.
At this point my Awesome Manager comes back up to the front.
Me: AM, This guy has some questions about the lottery.
AM: *puts up his hands* Whatever prints out is what prints out. No control. (It was funny how he knew what we were talking about)
SC: So there's nothing I can DOOOO?!
Me: No, so do you want your $104? (or isn't it good enough without the other $3?)
SC: I guess so...
Yay, now where I have to break it to him that he can't get all his money here. XD
Me: Well, you've spent your extra four on tickets and you have one hundred left.
SC: *boldly gives me a smug smile and holds out his hand*
Me: *stares at him* If you not getting anything else I have to tell you that my biggest cash payout is $80, the rest will have to be in a money order.
SC: ...why can't you just give me the hundred?
Me: Because we have a limit. This is a convenience store. I shouldn't even have EIGHTY in my drawer, much less a HUNDRED. You're just lucky that right now I do have the grand total of four twenties in a drawer that is supposed to have none. Now I have to put the twenty on a money order if you don't buy more tickets.
SC: WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH A MONEY ORDER??!?!
Me: ........................cash it.
SC: WHERE?!
Me: ...........................a bank?
SC: Okay FINE, just give me the money order.
So...I did...after fiddling around with my manager with the receipts and whatnot, taking up about twenty minutes of time. By the time he left he was probably late off his lunch break.
The Old People, They Scare Meh
The first thing I'd like to say under that title is about the lady who came up to the counter when I was the ONLY ONE BACK THERE. I can't leave when that happens, I would get fired if I left from behind the counter.
She came up to the counter and scolded me like it was all my fault, tapping the counter with her finger to really emphasize.
SC: YOU need to do something about those toilets in the bathroom!!! They DON'T flush and one of them is getting really disgusting! YOU need to do something RIGHT NOW.
Me:
Okay, ma'am.She leaves and I'm still standing up there, chuckling.
Teen: Aren't you going to go fix the toilet?
Me: Number one: Not my job to FIX the toilet. Number two: They do flush, if YOU flush them.
Teen: Haha, that lady was an old bag!
The second thing I would like to bring up is the homeless man who took a bath in our restroom. We sent our only guy in to tell him that he couldn't have his shirt hanging over the door but we didn't know what to do elsewise (the manager had gone home for the night). We have a lot of homeless guys and this one wasn't at all shy, he was washing his hair in the sink, generally being a nuisance, wouldn't let other guys use the sink at all. We finally had to tell him to leave.
Hmm, sorry about the length and the boringness. ._.;
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