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Another Damn Senior Day--September edition!
First Wednesday of the month, and time to shepherd around hordes of the sorry stricken, or at least close to it.
Before we begin, I must let you in on a little secret:
There were actually TWO senior days this week!
How did this happen, you ask? Well, it seems one of the Snausages up at corporate decided to send out an e-mail blast (why just call it a mass e-mail FFS?) to all our senior citizen loyalty card members, telling them that senior day was on Monday. Oopsie doodle.
As a result, corporate instructed us to give out the 15% discount to anybody who requested it on Monday. I don't know how many people ended up taking advantage of this early discount.
Another Furniture Fuckdumpling:
Remember those dressers I mentioned here? Well, it seems some other fuckbrain bought them yesterday or after I left Monday, and then returned them because they thought they were buying something else.
The dressers were sitting on a flatbed in the backroom with "backstock" written on them.
Well, I've just about had it with those damn things. So I took one of the dressers out of the box, put it on the salesfloor so we'd have it on display, then took the sale sign and wrote "sold out" next to all the items from that collection we no longer have, and wrote "last one, sold as is" on the sign for the nightstand because the display is all we have left.
If somebody else buys that dresser and claims they wanted something else, I think I'm just going to call them retarded.
Another Furniture Fuckdumpling
Again, sometime during the past two days, somebody got called upon to open up a bunk bed and retrieve a part or parts for somebody to replace defective of non-existent parts.
They didn't even bother to tape up the box, as they are supposed to do. As I was helping the receiving clerk lift the boxed bunk bed onto a pallet, the box split open and bunk bed parts rained down onto our feet.
Gee, thanks asshole! Now we can't send it back until we get the pieces contained in boxes of some kind!
Hope I die before I turn into this:
My job today was to purge items in HBA and pharmacy. Ground zero on senior days, because this is where the old folks congregate to buy their adult diapers and pass bodily emissions that reveal the reason for the brisk sales in adult diapers.
As I was filling aspirin and pain relievers, I found myself having to work around some wrinkly old guy staring at the boxes and bottles of pills with that mouth-agape, fish-eyed, just-got-smacked-over-the-head-with-a-blunt-object-of-some-sort expression elderly people sometimes have.
WOG: grumblegrumblegruntuhhhtylenol8hourgrumblemuttergrump...
Me: (Gadzooks! It speaks!)You need to know where the Tylenol 8-hour is?
WOG: Yah. Icanfinditanywheregrumble
Me: Oh, it's right over here, in the red and gray box.
As a thank you, wrinkly old guy proceeded to empty his bowels or just rip a really rotten fart, and I was stuck in his noxious cloud of flatus until I had finished filling all the items in my cart. But as I always say, it wouldn't be Senior Day if this didn't happen.
How do they always know?
Was waiting in line at the checkout to purchase my 20-ounce bottle of Coke Zero for lunch when the lady behind me said "You work here, right? Where are the fly swatter?"
Me: (BSing) Ummm...uhhhhh, lemme think. Umm, I would check over in housewares. I think that's where I last saw them.
Customer: I've been all over the store and I can't find them!
Me: Like I said, check housewares. If they're not there I don't know if we even have them.
Mind you, I wasn't BSing her just because I didn't want to help, although I was on break. It's just that I'll be fucked sideways with a rusty weed whacker if I know where the fly swatters are. They're always being moved from one place to another. I dread seeing fly swatters in boxes of kitchen gadgets, because I always have to go on an expedition to find where they got moved to.
Coupon Clusterfuckery
Some time ago, we ran one of our special deals for loyalty card members where they get a coupon good for $10 off a purchase of whatever number of dollars.
Guy purchased some items that totaled more than $40 and used his $10-off coupon. One of the items purchased was a pair of shoes. He returned the pair of shoes today and got a different, more expensive pair.
Service desk lady rang him up and told him his total. Guy flipped his shit, demanded to be able to use his $10 coupon again, and demanded the store manager.
Store manager passed him off to Moon Unit, the customer service manager, because he doesn't really understand how the coupons work in a situation like this, even though he probably should. Moon Unit told service desk lady to just give him $10 off the shoes. Yup, she totally folded like Superman on laundry day.
Wow, fast learner
As I was dropping off some out-of-stock reports in the specialist's mail basket today, I noticedsome new meat a new hire parked in front of the TV watching a propaganda-laden training video.
As I passed him on the way back down to the floor, his eyes met mine, and he just shook his head.
I dunno why, maybe my eyes must've said "You poor bastard" so something to him.
Usually, it takes at least a few shifts before the spirit gets broken.
Before we begin, I must let you in on a little secret:
There were actually TWO senior days this week!
How did this happen, you ask? Well, it seems one of the Snausages up at corporate decided to send out an e-mail blast (why just call it a mass e-mail FFS?) to all our senior citizen loyalty card members, telling them that senior day was on Monday. Oopsie doodle.
As a result, corporate instructed us to give out the 15% discount to anybody who requested it on Monday. I don't know how many people ended up taking advantage of this early discount.
Another Furniture Fuckdumpling:
Remember those dressers I mentioned here? Well, it seems some other fuckbrain bought them yesterday or after I left Monday, and then returned them because they thought they were buying something else.
The dressers were sitting on a flatbed in the backroom with "backstock" written on them.
Well, I've just about had it with those damn things. So I took one of the dressers out of the box, put it on the salesfloor so we'd have it on display, then took the sale sign and wrote "sold out" next to all the items from that collection we no longer have, and wrote "last one, sold as is" on the sign for the nightstand because the display is all we have left.
If somebody else buys that dresser and claims they wanted something else, I think I'm just going to call them retarded.
Another Furniture Fuckdumpling
Again, sometime during the past two days, somebody got called upon to open up a bunk bed and retrieve a part or parts for somebody to replace defective of non-existent parts.
They didn't even bother to tape up the box, as they are supposed to do. As I was helping the receiving clerk lift the boxed bunk bed onto a pallet, the box split open and bunk bed parts rained down onto our feet.
Gee, thanks asshole! Now we can't send it back until we get the pieces contained in boxes of some kind!
Hope I die before I turn into this:
My job today was to purge items in HBA and pharmacy. Ground zero on senior days, because this is where the old folks congregate to buy their adult diapers and pass bodily emissions that reveal the reason for the brisk sales in adult diapers.
As I was filling aspirin and pain relievers, I found myself having to work around some wrinkly old guy staring at the boxes and bottles of pills with that mouth-agape, fish-eyed, just-got-smacked-over-the-head-with-a-blunt-object-of-some-sort expression elderly people sometimes have.
WOG: grumblegrumblegruntuhhhtylenol8hourgrumblemuttergrump...
Me: (Gadzooks! It speaks!)You need to know where the Tylenol 8-hour is?
WOG: Yah. Icanfinditanywheregrumble
Me: Oh, it's right over here, in the red and gray box.
As a thank you, wrinkly old guy proceeded to empty his bowels or just rip a really rotten fart, and I was stuck in his noxious cloud of flatus until I had finished filling all the items in my cart. But as I always say, it wouldn't be Senior Day if this didn't happen.
How do they always know?
Was waiting in line at the checkout to purchase my 20-ounce bottle of Coke Zero for lunch when the lady behind me said "You work here, right? Where are the fly swatter?"
Me: (BSing) Ummm...uhhhhh, lemme think. Umm, I would check over in housewares. I think that's where I last saw them.
Customer: I've been all over the store and I can't find them!
Me: Like I said, check housewares. If they're not there I don't know if we even have them.
Mind you, I wasn't BSing her just because I didn't want to help, although I was on break. It's just that I'll be fucked sideways with a rusty weed whacker if I know where the fly swatters are. They're always being moved from one place to another. I dread seeing fly swatters in boxes of kitchen gadgets, because I always have to go on an expedition to find where they got moved to.
Coupon Clusterfuckery
Some time ago, we ran one of our special deals for loyalty card members where they get a coupon good for $10 off a purchase of whatever number of dollars.
Guy purchased some items that totaled more than $40 and used his $10-off coupon. One of the items purchased was a pair of shoes. He returned the pair of shoes today and got a different, more expensive pair.
Service desk lady rang him up and told him his total. Guy flipped his shit, demanded to be able to use his $10 coupon again, and demanded the store manager.
Store manager passed him off to Moon Unit, the customer service manager, because he doesn't really understand how the coupons work in a situation like this, even though he probably should. Moon Unit told service desk lady to just give him $10 off the shoes. Yup, she totally folded like Superman on laundry day.
Wow, fast learner
As I was dropping off some out-of-stock reports in the specialist's mail basket today, I noticed
As I passed him on the way back down to the floor, his eyes met mine, and he just shook his head.
I dunno why, maybe my eyes must've said "You poor bastard" so something to him.Usually, it takes at least a few shifts before the spirit gets broken.
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