I have the POWER!!!! but not the way you think. (Sorry it is epic)

[Qaeria]

I really don't know what is up with our hydro company this year. it seems I am paying for the power to be off more than it is on, but I digress.

As many of you know I manage a modest ISP company in a rather remote part of Canada. I have had several tales of suck, and has been a while since my last post. Mainly due to the fact that I have been lucky.

<backstory> When we experience a power outage, it can take up to 30 minutes for our wireless Internet service to come fully online. Whenever the system is down, our radius server will send a Network Access Denied page that says this page is being sent for one of the following reasons:

1. You have not paid your bill
2. The Network is Down
3. You are using equipment not authorized for use on our network

Now every subscriber has been made aware of this, so we can prevent them from calling us to report the obvious every 3 seconds, and allow us to fix the problem. This one customer though apparently "forgot" </backstory>

So it is Sunday, I haz a day off! Power goes out just as I am grinding my coffee beans first thing in the morning. So I get on my iPhone to check out the office. Sure enough, the power outage is city wide. We shut down non essential servers to spare the load our UPS gets put under, and life goes on.

At 10:00 am the power is restored. I start firing up the parts of the network that are down. By 10:15, Internet to the shop is restored, and by 10:23, Wireless customers are allowed back on the service.

I check voicemail. At 10:03 I get this little gem:

EW = You know this one
me =

EW = (Voicemail)I this is Twat Waffle calling, and it looks as though you ass holes have cust off my internet. I find this to be unacceptable. You have NO RIGHT to cust off my Internet, so get it fucking restored!!! I. WANT. THE. INTERNET. I Fucking pay for it. Stop being a bunch of loser nerds and get me back on the Internet.

So I know she is back on, and I could have just let it go, but the in me got the best of me, so I call.

EW: Hello?
Me: Hi! is this Twat Waffle?
EW: Yes
Me: Great! This is Q'aeria from your ISP!
EW: Why the fuck did you cut my Internet off? I fucking pay for it!!!
Me: Ma'am I am flattered that you think my reach is much greater than it was, but everyone had their Internet Cut off this morning, even competitor's customers.
EW: Why the fuck did you do that?
Me: Well It was not I. See, our local hydro company experienced another Blackout which caused everyone to lose power, and by default, the Interwebz.
EW: Bullshit! I was on my laptop all morning, and you wouldn't give me my Internet.
Me: Do you have your laptop in front of you right now?
EW: Yes
Me: Is it currently plugged in?
EW: Yes
Me: Can I get you to unplug it for me?
Ew: Ok I just did.
Me: Did your laptop turn off?
EW: No you idiot, it HAS a battery you know.
Me: SO did it also have a battery when the power went off?
EW: Fuck you you little pee-on! I don't need to be made to feel bad by the likes of you!
Me: Ok, I'm going to go ahead and tell you to watch your language for this call.
EW: Whatever! I pay for the Internet, so I can talk to you however I want.
Me: Ok. My records show that Daddy is currently paying for this service, and all you are to me is a spoiled brat who cannot take responsibility for herself. This call was recorded. I know your father, and he does not think of me as being anysort of pee-on. In fact he compares me to a professional like a lawyer or doctor. I'm sure he would be overjoyed to hear his little pwecious talking so politely on the phone, and while we're at it, we could provide him with a complete breakdown of your Internet use, since he is the one paying for the account. I'm sure he would really be proud of you for the hours you spend on BDSMcamgirls.com (Not real site name, but it is nothing I would want to be seeing anyone's daughter be doing). So, how about it? are you ready to be polite?
EW: ...(Very contritely) I'm sorry. Please don't tell my dad! He will cut me off if you do.
Me: Ok, well in the future, try treating those you need help from with a little respect, and you may be pleasantly surprised at how well things go for you. You have access to the Internet. Next time this happens, you need to allow 30 minutes AFTER the power is restored to see if there are connection problems.
EW: Ok.... Thank you very much. Please don't call my dad, ok?
Me: I don't think that is necessary, as we have the situation resolved. buh-bye now!

Knowing the mind of the EW daddy's girl, I called EW's Dad anyways.

Me: Hey Mr. Waffle!
Dad: Hey Q! what can I do for ya?
Me: Just wanted to give you a heads up that I had to talk rather sternly to your daughter. I really did not like her tone, and attitude, so if she calls, maybe it would be best not to believe a single word of it. I have a recording of the call, so if she gets outrageous about it, we can all meet down here to have a listen.
Dad: (chucles) Ok, no problem man. She's been getting rather full of herself lately, so I got it.
Me: Thanks!

EW did call Daddy. Daddy ripped her a new one, and daughter learned a valuable lesson about respecting the people that work in the service Industry.

I love being the boss, and being in a smaller community!

[Broomjockey]

EW did call Daddy. Daddy ripped her a new one, and daughter learned a valuable lesson about respecting the people that work in the service Industry.

I love being the boss, and being in a smaller community!

Good call, and awesome story!

[JoitheArtist]

I just have one thing to say.

[XCashier]

If only we could do that to all the sucky customers out there.

[cawaker]

totally epic. its awesome being in charge isnt it?

[Qaeria]

totally epic. its awesome being in charge isnt it?

For sure! The best thing about life out here, is that even the "lowly" clerk at the 7/11 is treated like somebody. I have yet to see a case, aside from the spoiled brats, where someone is looked down upon because of your job. Even if you are shovelling poop for minimum wage each day, the businesses and citizens celebrate the contribution to society. Here, a poop scooper is just as valuable as a doctor.

[Hyena Dandy]

For sure! The best thing about life out here, is that even the "lowly" clerk at the 7/11 is treated like somebody. I have yet to see a case, aside from the spoiled brats, where someone is looked down upon because of your job. Even if you are shovelling poop for minimum wage each day, the businesses and citizens celebrate the contribution to society. Here, a poop scooper is just as valuable as a doctor.

I love small towns. I wish I lived in one.

But I think fate wants me to live in New Orleans.

[tropicsgoddess]

Q, hands down that was THE best ass handing to an EW EVER!!!

[roguesqd]

I want your job

[EricKei]

I love small towns. I wish I lived in one.

But I think fate wants me to live in New Orleans.

If it makes you feel any better, we're neither a big town nor a small one...but the local attitude -- hidebound tho it may be -- tends to be closer to "small town" than "big town"...With all that implies, both good and bad. Feel free to drop on by sometime ^_^

We won't bite....hard (yeah baby yeah)

The French Quarter rocks, for many reasons

The weird things we have going are mostly:

- We're a tourist town, so naturally, guess what many people think of tourists

- One of the worst, most devastating insults you can hear uttered about any given entity is "he's/she's/they're not local" (this has derailed more than one out-of-towner's business deal in favor of dealing with locals)

- You literally cannot walk more than ten minutes in any given direction without finding a church or a place to get some really good food, generally both (rule of thumb: If they have only one location, it looks like it hasn't been painted in decades, and that it might fall down at any moment, go in and eat, it'll be good. If they have more than three locations, don't bother). I can give you the names of five of each within a 5-block radius of my house, and I live in da 'burbs

- Corrolary to the above: No matter where you are in the city, you can find an open bar within five minutes' drive, any time of the day or night. Many of these have decent food, too.

- The term "Coke" can refer to ANY carbonated beverage. Yes, this means that "A Pepsi, please" is a legitimate answer to the question "What kinda Coke do ya want?"

- Compass directions do not exist here. We describe N/S/E/W by one's proximity to the lake, the river, the airport, of certain parts of town. See Also: Local Speech/How Ta Tawk Rite