How To: Register As A Sex Offender

[ralerin]

(Ah, Nate, I wish you hadn't quit Aid of Rite. You should've been transferred to my store here, you're missing all the fun!)

How to: Register As A Sex Offender

1. Be gross, older, alcoholic man. Have reputation as being "off kilter" but decide to step it up one notch.

2. Begin to pleasure yourself as soon as you enter the parking lot, just enough to get "it" up. Stop after a few hundred yards and do it again. Continue to do this until you are in front of the store. Attract attention of LPM.

3. Buy beer, using giant bag to conceal obvious bump in crotch.

4. Approach young, female cashier and pay for beer.

5. When young, female cashier is looking down to place change in your hand, whip "yourself" out and proudly show it off.

6. Put "self" away and walk off, ignoring cashier's scream of shock. Walk calmly out door and up street.

7. Be full body slammed by cops to ground about 2 minutes later when cashier identifies you as the person who exposed self.

=/ No, the cashier wasn't me, but regardless, she shouldn't have had to see that.

[alowlypotato]

Oh...oh...oh no. That's awful.

[duckies4becca]

ahhhhhhhhh the mental images....

[Pairou]

7. Be full body slammed by cops to ground about 2 minutes later when cashier identifies you as the person who exposed self.

I tend to hope that the cops get extra rough with these people. Is that wrong of me?

This sort of thing would traumatize me for a while... that poor cashier! D:

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

As I always say, I think I would've busted out laughing. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that small, huh? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

[SecurityWench]

It's a shame you aren't a pharmacist, then you could've said:

"Sir, if you need an appointment for treatment about your size, you'll have to get in the other line like everyone else."

[McGoddess09]

As I always say, I think I would've busted out laughing. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that small, huh? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

Brilliant! Just brilliant!

[ThirdGenRetail]

Wow, that poor cashier! I hope they make that guy pay for her therapy bills!

[Victory Sabre]

7. Be full body slammed by cops to ground about 2 minutes later when cashier identifies you as the person who exposed self.

=/ No, the cashier wasn't me, but regardless, she shouldn't have had to see that.

At least it had a good ending.

What a total moron.

[Nyx]

Poor cashier!

But I think I would have laughed too. I've seen enough "members" that I don't think I'd be phased by another.* Maybe I may have said something like "Ah! Ointment for mosquito bites? Aisle 3. "




* Ok I know how that sounds ( I typed it then read it. lol) I mean I've seen pictures and a couple of accidental flashes. *shudders*

[Teskeria]

I've found that laughter deflates most idiots. funny how knowing that a young lady finds your 'pride & joy' to be laughable ruins all your excitement!

[magician5]

Shoulda said what the girlfriend said in Animal House ... "Looks like a penis, only smaller."

[Red_Dazes]

It's a shame you aren't a pharmacist, then you could've said:

"Sir, if you need an appointment for treatment about your size, you'll have to get in the other line like everyone else."

...I believe Aid of Rite has a pharmacy... could have just said something along the lines of "Ah I see your problem... we have some wonderful enhancement drugs over in aisle #. Our pharmacist would be happy to help you"


...Of course... I probably would have said something along the lines of "Smile for the camera buddy I'm calling the cops"..... Cause I suck like that......

[RecoveringKinkoid]

"You call that a penis????"

I hope your store has security cameras in the lot so that it can be proven without a doubt that this was extremely premeditated.

[Merriweather]

As I always say, I think I would've busted out laughing. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that small, huh? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

Or just quote a line from a movie (can't for the life of me remember what movie) "Hey, it looks like a penis, only smaller".