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Okay, this is not the first time Alex, our resident Medic, has had someone tell him he was causeing them problems with their health.
I'm sure many people remember this one http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=54244
Here's two more.
Heart attack
An elderly gent has come in with a laptop. It's clearly been dropped on its corner. The back right of the screen is broken and in two pieces, the screen it's self is smashed, the casing is bashed in on that corner and there are a few keys off. The customer is trying to tell us this is a manufacturing defect
SC: It's the heat!
Alex: The heat?
SC: The heat that comes out of the vent. I left the computer turned on, on the table. I saw it start to expand then WHAP! the screen went along with the casing
Alex: And the corner that's been flattened?
SC: You've never seen heat deform plastic before as it melts?
Alex: Yes, I have. The plastic runs
SC: well that was done when I picked the computer off the wooden table and put it on the kitchen counter. I pushed it against the wall
Alex: if the computer was doing that, why did you move it?
SC: I didn't want it setting fire t the table! My kitchen counter is made of granite and is fire retardant! Are you stupid or somthing?
Alex: No. I'm just work in customer services. I'm not exchanging that laptop.
SC: But...!!! But it's faulty!!
Alex: No, it's not. Thats been dropped. if you like you can...Are you okay?
At this point, the customer has dropped to his knees and is clutching his chest
SC: My heart!! it's my heart! You did this to me!!
Alex: Okay, what's wrong?
SC: It's a heart attack!
At this point Alex looks at me. He knows I have a heart problem so I'm just as aware as he is that the customer isn't having a heart attack
SC: Flea! Fetch me the AED (automated external defibrillator)
Me: Gotcha! *grabs it from the cupboard behind me and hands it to him*
Alex: *Rips open the SCs shirt*
SC: What do you think you're doing?!
Alex: Sir, I'm a medic. You're having a heart attack, you need me.
SC: BU....
Alex: *goes to open the pads* Sir, please calm down, I'm about t shock you with 100 000 volts (I'm not sure if that's the actual figure he gave)
SC: No! *holds hand out* it's okay, my hearts returning to normal. *as he calms down a bit* just help me with my laptop and I'll be fine
Alex: Get out of my store
SC: Pardon?!
Alex: I told you, I'm a medic. If you're going to fake a heart attack to try and get your way with me, you can get out!
My customer: Listen, fuck wad! My dad died of a heart attack! I don't appreciate you pulling that shit! Get up, take your fucking laptop and fuck off out of here!
Epilepsy
This woman is a little bit "Special" she keeps coming in with her cheap-ass laptop that she continually fucks up. We wipe and restore it, test all the hardware, it works fine. She comes back less than a week later, demanding that there must be some kind of hardware fault with the machine when really, all she has done is fuck the machine over. She is friendly when she gets her own way which, occasionally, she is entitled to. This time, she wasn't.
Basically, I'd restored the computer for the 20th time and she was back in because "It woe write my pirated DVDs" yes, she was complaining that she couldn't use the computer to commit a crime. Okay, I've got a few dodgy DVDs but I don't go around bitching to LG if the DVD writer in my computer doesn't copy them. I enjoy life without a criminal record.
SC: But it woe copy em.
Alex: That is not a fault in the computer!
SCD: (Sc's Dad) Well whats the point of having a DVD writer if it won't write DVDs?
Alex: it won't copy discs that are copy-protected like the ones you're trying to illegally pirate. It is there for you to create DVDs of your own, to make backups of your files and to make your recovery dvds
SC: so it ay for fer perpus then, am it?
Alex: Yes! yes it is!!
Me: As I have explained to you the last 19 times I've dealt with you, your computer is fine. It's doing what it's designed to do
SCD: well we want out money back and compensation
Alex & Me: For what?!
SCD: it's cost me hundreds of pounds in petrol driving back and forth
SC: Yeah!
Me: Your address is in Solihull ("Solly-hull") not London! At best it's used one tank, total!
SCD: I drive a car thats heavy on petrol
SC: Yeah, so there! nuuuwaah!"
Me: To SC: *Gives her a WTF look*
SC: Arugh! My epilepsy! I'm gonna have a fi-- *Drops to the floor and starts spasming*
Alex: *Runs around to her aid*
Me: *Jumps over the counter for the same and addresses the other customers who are starting to move closer* Keep back, please! We need space
We both knew that this fit wasn't real but wanted to be sure
Alex: Okay [name] stay calm! Flea! Hold her head
Me: *does so*
Alex: (Testing her at this point) Her tongue's gonna flop out soon
Right on queue, out comes the tongue
Me: My brother has Epilepsy. I'm surprised she's not started making any noise, yet. this one looks bad
Again, right on queue, she starts SCREAMING. Now, my brother doesn't have epilespy,but some of the sales girls do and I have been there when they have been fitting. it's not unusual for them to make the odd grunt, but they don't scream the building down
Alex: (Now knowing that this was a fake seizure) *Goes back behind the counter* Next please!
Next customer: is she gonna be okay?
Alex: Yeah, she's faking it.
Next customer: Oh *steps over her*
No points for commitment though. She was only down for a few minutes until they realised we were ignoring them. They left yelling that we don't care if customers die in our shop and vowing never to shop with our company again, saying they'll shop at Electrical superstore across the road, Not realising that Both Electrical superstores and The Computer Superstores are owned By Electronics Group UK
Me: (Later, To Alex) so do you just attract nut cases with fake illnesses or what?
Alex: I must have a beacon on my head or something.
I'm sure many people remember this one http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=54244
Here's two more.
Heart attack
An elderly gent has come in with a laptop. It's clearly been dropped on its corner. The back right of the screen is broken and in two pieces, the screen it's self is smashed, the casing is bashed in on that corner and there are a few keys off. The customer is trying to tell us this is a manufacturing defect
SC: It's the heat!
Alex: The heat?
SC: The heat that comes out of the vent. I left the computer turned on, on the table. I saw it start to expand then WHAP! the screen went along with the casing
Alex: And the corner that's been flattened?
SC: You've never seen heat deform plastic before as it melts?
Alex: Yes, I have. The plastic runs
SC: well that was done when I picked the computer off the wooden table and put it on the kitchen counter. I pushed it against the wall
Alex: if the computer was doing that, why did you move it?
SC: I didn't want it setting fire t the table! My kitchen counter is made of granite and is fire retardant! Are you stupid or somthing?
Alex: No. I'm just work in customer services. I'm not exchanging that laptop.
SC: But...!!! But it's faulty!!
Alex: No, it's not. Thats been dropped. if you like you can...Are you okay?
At this point, the customer has dropped to his knees and is clutching his chest
SC: My heart!! it's my heart! You did this to me!!
Alex: Okay, what's wrong?
SC: It's a heart attack!
At this point Alex looks at me. He knows I have a heart problem so I'm just as aware as he is that the customer isn't having a heart attack
SC: Flea! Fetch me the AED (automated external defibrillator)
Me: Gotcha! *grabs it from the cupboard behind me and hands it to him*
Alex: *Rips open the SCs shirt*
SC: What do you think you're doing?!
Alex: Sir, I'm a medic. You're having a heart attack, you need me.
SC: BU....
Alex: *goes to open the pads* Sir, please calm down, I'm about t shock you with 100 000 volts (I'm not sure if that's the actual figure he gave)
SC: No! *holds hand out* it's okay, my hearts returning to normal. *as he calms down a bit* just help me with my laptop and I'll be fine
Alex: Get out of my store
SC: Pardon?!
Alex: I told you, I'm a medic. If you're going to fake a heart attack to try and get your way with me, you can get out!
My customer: Listen, fuck wad! My dad died of a heart attack! I don't appreciate you pulling that shit! Get up, take your fucking laptop and fuck off out of here!
Epilepsy
This woman is a little bit "Special" she keeps coming in with her cheap-ass laptop that she continually fucks up. We wipe and restore it, test all the hardware, it works fine. She comes back less than a week later, demanding that there must be some kind of hardware fault with the machine when really, all she has done is fuck the machine over. She is friendly when she gets her own way which, occasionally, she is entitled to. This time, she wasn't.
Basically, I'd restored the computer for the 20th time and she was back in because "It woe write my pirated DVDs" yes, she was complaining that she couldn't use the computer to commit a crime. Okay, I've got a few dodgy DVDs but I don't go around bitching to LG if the DVD writer in my computer doesn't copy them. I enjoy life without a criminal record.
SC: But it woe copy em.
Alex: That is not a fault in the computer!
SCD: (Sc's Dad) Well whats the point of having a DVD writer if it won't write DVDs?
Alex: it won't copy discs that are copy-protected like the ones you're trying to illegally pirate. It is there for you to create DVDs of your own, to make backups of your files and to make your recovery dvds
SC: so it ay for fer perpus then, am it?
Alex: Yes! yes it is!!
Me: As I have explained to you the last 19 times I've dealt with you, your computer is fine. It's doing what it's designed to do
SCD: well we want out money back and compensation
Alex & Me: For what?!
SCD: it's cost me hundreds of pounds in petrol driving back and forth
SC: Yeah!
Me: Your address is in Solihull ("Solly-hull") not London! At best it's used one tank, total!
SCD: I drive a car thats heavy on petrol
SC: Yeah, so there! nuuuwaah!"
Me: To SC: *Gives her a WTF look*
SC: Arugh! My epilepsy! I'm gonna have a fi-- *Drops to the floor and starts spasming*
Alex: *Runs around to her aid*
Me: *Jumps over the counter for the same and addresses the other customers who are starting to move closer* Keep back, please! We need space
We both knew that this fit wasn't real but wanted to be sure
Alex: Okay [name] stay calm! Flea! Hold her head
Me: *does so*
Alex: (Testing her at this point) Her tongue's gonna flop out soon
Right on queue, out comes the tongue
Me: My brother has Epilepsy. I'm surprised she's not started making any noise, yet. this one looks bad
Again, right on queue, she starts SCREAMING. Now, my brother doesn't have epilespy,but some of the sales girls do and I have been there when they have been fitting. it's not unusual for them to make the odd grunt, but they don't scream the building down
Alex: (Now knowing that this was a fake seizure) *Goes back behind the counter* Next please!
Next customer: is she gonna be okay?
Alex: Yeah, she's faking it.
Next customer: Oh *steps over her*
No points for commitment though. She was only down for a few minutes until they realised we were ignoring them. They left yelling that we don't care if customers die in our shop and vowing never to shop with our company again, saying they'll shop at Electrical superstore across the road, Not realising that Both Electrical superstores and The Computer Superstores are owned By Electronics Group UK
Me: (Later, To Alex) so do you just attract nut cases with fake illnesses or what?
Alex: I must have a beacon on my head or something.
I'm usually good at sussing out typed accents, but all I'm getting is "it ain't for fair purpose," and that makes about no sense at all either. 
I AM the evil bastard!
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