Whats your REAL job?

[Andara Bledin]

Know what makes a HIGHLY awesome fwoof in a fire? Powdered coffee creamer. It's light and particulate, like the flour, but also loaded with fat, and thus extra flammable. A handful of that thrown at a campfire makes a great special effect. Lord knows I'd never put the stuff in my coffee.

Actually, it's not nearly as flammable as it used to be. I think they changed the granularity of it, or something.

Amateur magicians were using it as a non-controlled alternative to flash powder, which requires a license to purchase.

^-.-^

[Mr Hero]

I get paid $10i / hour, so maybe I don't have a "real" job.

[CoffeeMonkey]

Actually, it's not nearly as flammable as it used to be. I think they changed the granularity of it, or something.

Amateur magicians were using it as a non-controlled alternative to flash powder, which requires a license to purchase.

^-.-^

Wow, if the fwoof I can get now isnt as fwoofy as it used to be, I wish I could see THAT fwoof!

[SG15Z]

Wow, if the fwoof I can get now isnt as fwoofy as it used to be, I wish I could see THAT fwoof!

^^^ That's a lot of "fwoof"!

[Magpie]

Heck, flour is flammable enough that they used to store gunpowder in the mills (new world). Basically "if it gets hit, it's going to blow, so why have yet another building of which that is true?"

[joe hx]

I get paid $10i / hour, so maybe I don't have a "real" job.

You make imaginary money?

[Dreamstalker]

Culinary school, however, is something I cannot and will not mock.

A few people have done so to my mom (I seem to recall that the nutbar she worked for for 14 years made a passing jab at least once)...let me just say that I had not seen burning anger the likes of that.

When she interviewed for an event staffing agency last month (she got in btw), the owner actually couldn't believe she had been fired.

Powdered coffee creamer. It's light and particulate, like the flour, but also loaded with fat, and thus extra flammable.

I seem to recall Mythbusters did that (sawdust/creamer cannon). One of the coolest explosions ever.

[BeeMused]

Wow, if the fwoof I can get now isnt as fwoofy as it used to be, I wish I could see THAT fwoof!

For an ultimat fwoof try this:

1. Heat cooking oil to boiling point in an old pot
2. Carry the pot outside (make very, very, did I mention very sure to be NOT next to anything remotely flameable, this includes people)
3. Light the oil
4. Take a broom handle or something, fix a glas or cup at the end
5. Pour some water into the pot with the burning oil
6. Watch the awesome fwoof

OK... if you really want to try this, be very careful and have a lid ready for the pot to put the flames out, some buckets of sand work too. Never ever try to put out an oil fire with water, the water evaporates and takes tiny burning oil drops with it, thus the huge jet of flame.
If you try that in a kitchen get ready to buy a new house.

[Andara Bledin]

More O/T on big fwoofs and such...

My dad was a machinist, and one of the things he made with his leftover material (his accuracy rate was nearly perfect) was a small cannon. It was very cute.

When we'd go out in the desert for some target shooting, he'd also take his little cannon and any empty cans that used aerosol propellant.

We'd wait till it got darker, and he'd prop the cannon to point straight up, place a can on top, then use a long fuse and light it up. I made some really impressive fireballs.

^-.-^

[dalesys]

1. Heat cooking oil to boiling point in an old pot
2. Carry the pot outside (make very, very, did I mention very sure to be NOT next to anything remotely flameable, this includes people)

.

1b. (Very very important) Do not allow oil to slosh on self!

[thedrunkenmonkey]

I had yet another customer tell me i should "go back to school and get a real job"

I'm so sick and tired of it. I'm lucky to HAVE a job, jerks.

I'm just going to start making up stuff.

From now on when they ask me what my "day job" is I'll tell them I'm an astronaut or an investment banker.

You could always say, "You know, it's funny. I know a guy with four degrees and two advanced theoretical notations, ten years' corporate experience, beautiful education and five published papers, and HE can't get a job in this economy. What makes you think furthering the education you are so sorely lacking might improve my career potential? Going to Fuckfaced Assclown School didn't help yours."

...in your head. You might get fired if you said what I just wrote. Which I did say to someone who was old and grumpy and said, "You know if you can't get a job you just aren't looking hard enough, young man. Maybe you should go back to school."

His response was even more classic:
"In my day..."
TDM cutoff: "Dinosaurs roamed the earth, youngsters were respectful of their elders, and dumbshit old fucks like yourself were given as much scotch and sleeping pills as they wanted to prevent the contagion of stupid from spreading. I know. The problem is, you're not an elder. You're just a grumpy old fuckhead. Now get off my damn lawn or I'm calling the cops."

(And yep, he was trespassing in our backyard, "just looking" at the $500+ crab pots my landlord stores back there.)

[Broomjockey]

two advanced theoretical notations

The heck are those? I've never heard of those as anything a person could obtain. Or are you just pulling stuff out your butt at that point to make the list more impressive?

[BeeMused]

1b. (Very very important) Do not allow oil to slosh on self!

Bah! Minor details!

We'd wait till it got darker, and he'd prop the cannon to point straight up, place a can on top, then use a long fuse and light it up. I made some really impressive fireballs.

^-.-^

Ooooh, that sounds like fun! I love blowing up things. And I still wonder why I never got those chemical experimentation kits as a kid. Those were on every birthday and christmas wishlist, but I never got one.

[evilhomer]

Know what makes a HIGHLY awesome fwoof in a fire? Powdered coffee creamer. It's light and particulate, like the flour, but also loaded with fat, and thus extra flammable. A handful of that thrown at a campfire makes a great special effect. Lord knows I'd never put the stuff in my coffee.

The Mythbusters did a good one with this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRw4ZRqmxOc

I've had to answer that "real job" question a couple of times and I've had some creative answers:

While working in a tv repair shop: Yeah, well you know what I've found is that I realy love just beating the living hell out of people. Lifting tv's like this helps keep me in shape while I'm in training to become a professional fighter.

As an office mover: Well you know how it is. You get diagnosed with bipolar disorder, you have anger management issues, you spend some time in prison for manslaughter... you just have to take what you can get.

My casual and dead serious delivery of these lines really struck a chord of fear into these obnoxious assclowns.

Aside from various reasons and excuses, I do what I do because I like it. In spite of the crap that I bitch and whine about, I do enjoy my job. If I really applied myself I could get a "real" job, but this one pays the bills and lets me live a comfortable life; that suits my needs.

[Jester]

Amateur magicians were using it as a non-controlled alternative to flash powder, which requires a license to purchase.

No, it doesn't. As a magician, I myself do not use flash powder, but I know several who do and have. And I know they don't have any type of license. Also, I just did some cursory "shopping" online, and found plenty of flash powder for sale with no more limitation than sufficient fundage and the occasional legal mumbo jumbo agreement to sign. The only mention I saw of any license was in one such required agreement, wherein the supplier required the purchaser to furnish a photocopy of their driver's license.

For an ultimat fwoof try this...

Better yet, DON'T try that. More than one person has been injured, maimed, or killed trying stunts like that. Having seen how large a fireball can be created by trying just such a stunt on Mythbusters, I would strongly advise pretty much everyone to leave such stunts to the professionals. Like, say, the aforementioned Mythbusters, who ARE trained professionals, after all, and have far more experience in such things than all of us combined.

"Now get off my damn lawn or I'm calling the cops."

The fact that you said that TO an old man makes it even more amazingly classic!