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"A failure to plan ahead on your end does not mean a problem on my end."
Or however that phrase goes!
Point the first:
You, a 'gentleman' of, (bad at guessing ages) say 34-ish? are on either A) A trip to family/friends IN town, or B) A trip to family/friends SOMEWHERE ELSE. Based on how this encounter goes my money is on option B, but I have been known to miss a guess. Sometimes.
Point the second:
You were given the dubious honor of escorting three spawnlings of varying ages to your destination. You decide it would be a good idea to stop and let the kids swim at our fine local for a few hours. They even have their swimsuits! You don't have one yourself but no matter!
Point the third:
The front desk feels you pass inspection or somesuch, and allow you entry. So far so go---
Oh wait. You have a child with you who appears to be quite young.
Upon questioning, you reveal the child's age to be of three(3[tres]) years.
Point the fourth:
I reveal that, due to the facility's rules, I cannot allow the (very) young lady in the water without your good self swimming with her. In support of this, I kindly motion to the rulesheet posted upon the very door you are leaning upon.
Point the fifth:
Caught offguard, you proceed to bluster that she's quite the capable swimmer! See, she's doing it right now!
In response, I firmly suggest that you may either change into your swimsuit and hop in within the next ninety seconds, or I shall simply get your child out of the water for you.
Point the sixth:
Sensing defeat, you suggest this rule is stupid. I debate on suggesting your mother was stuipd, but instead go with "Perhaps, but the rules are the rules." You then inform me that since you were just passing through (Evidence for option B!), you did not pack a swimsuit.
I simply grin and inform you cheerily that the front desk has access to swimsuits, rent-free, that you may borrow for the day!
Point the seventh:
Soundly thumped, you glower upon my person and demand to speak with a superior; a demand which is countered by my good self pointing out that it is two-thirty on a Sunday afternoon. There are no other staff here besides myself and the front-desk, and I will most certaintly not be calling anyone because you failed to think ahead. With a flail of your arms, you fetch your child from the water and herd all three towards the front desk.
Point the eigthth(WOW no idea how to spell that):
I manage to get to my office phone before you get even halfway there, and warn the front-desk of your foul incoming presence. She acknowledges and vows to handle the situation.
Roughly ten mintues later you come back into my domain, dressed out with a proper swimsuit. After staring at the rulesheet for several moments, during which I was calmly watching nearby, you then proceed to turn and dive head-first into the water. Completely ignoring the blatent "NO DIVING" rule.
And THAT is why I feel no guilt for telling you that if you so much as TWITCH in the wrong manner, I will proceed to throw all four of you out the back door into the freezing cold.
----------
Okay so I got the dubious honor of working a late afternoon shift a few weeks ago. All in all a rather dull shift (local schools were still in finals, thank goodness), however there was at least one highlight.
So, near middle of the shift, we have a trio of teenage boys trot into the pool area. Alarm bells already ringing in my head because I don't recongize them. These are promptly shut off as I notice they are calmly entering the water properly and arn't actually rough-housing that much.
Not long afterwards I find myself on one of my wandering walks nearby (I like to pace at times) this trio when they beckon for my attention. With all the other patron well within view I kneel down to hear their plea.
They proceed to inquire about accessing the holy of holies; that is, the hot-tub.
Now, rule is, noone under 6, 6-16 needs a parent with them. 16+ are free to get in themselves.
Problem is these scamps look to be about fourteen, maybe fifteen at best. Regardless I decide to test them.
Me: "The hot-tub, eh? Funny, none of you look sixteen or older..."
Boy1: "Aw come on, I'm totally seveteen even!"
Boy2: "Me too!"
Me: "Okay well can you /prove/ it, is the fun part here."
Boy3: "Well how old do I /look/?"
I see a chance to have some fun at their expense, and forge ahead.
Me: "Well you look like you're twelve and you act like you're nine. Do you want me to subtract those numbers or divide them?"
Boy2 decides to be a genius! "Multiply them!"
I adopt a stern look.
Me: "Well now I know you're lying to me because you REALLY don't look that old. Good DAY, gentlemen!"
At this point I stand up and start walking off when Boy3 gets bold. Reaaaal bold.
Boy3: "Well maybe when you turn your back I'll just slip in there myself!"
Now, to the credit of this lads, I could tell they were that serious. At the very least I could tell they were aware that if they DID do that I would severly thrash them, even if they did manage to pull it off.
However I wasn't really in the mood for spending the rest of the shift having to watch these punks like a hawk, so I played the 'CROSSED THE LINE NOW, BUB' card.
*Hard about face, come to a knee, lean down REEAAAALLLL close to Boy3's face. Speak with narrowed eyes and as close to a growl as I can manage.*
Me: "And if you do that, then I will proceed to beat the tar out of you and throw your frail excuse for a body outside onto the cold hard concrete, where the cops will pick you up and drag your sorry hide home to your momma and your poppa."
All three have managed to nearly lose most of the color from their face, are floating stock-still (hanging from teh side of the pool) and have eyes bigger than the moon. Boy3 manages to quickly stammer "Yo-you know I was just messing with you, right?"
*Snap up and grin.*
Me: "Of course! But now you boys know I'm not in the mood for such things, and will not really tolerate any foolishness. You're not in trouble yet, but don't push me tonight, m'kay?"
All three manage to respond, nearly in unsion, "SURE THING" as I calmly walked off.
Best fun I've had all winter, that was. >:3
Or however that phrase goes!
Point the first:
You, a 'gentleman' of, (bad at guessing ages) say 34-ish? are on either A) A trip to family/friends IN town, or B) A trip to family/friends SOMEWHERE ELSE. Based on how this encounter goes my money is on option B, but I have been known to miss a guess. Sometimes.
Point the second:
You were given the dubious honor of escorting three spawnlings of varying ages to your destination. You decide it would be a good idea to stop and let the kids swim at our fine local for a few hours. They even have their swimsuits! You don't have one yourself but no matter!
Point the third:
The front desk feels you pass inspection or somesuch, and allow you entry. So far so go---
Oh wait. You have a child with you who appears to be quite young.
Upon questioning, you reveal the child's age to be of three(3[tres]) years.
Point the fourth:
I reveal that, due to the facility's rules, I cannot allow the (very) young lady in the water without your good self swimming with her. In support of this, I kindly motion to the rulesheet posted upon the very door you are leaning upon.
Point the fifth:
Caught offguard, you proceed to bluster that she's quite the capable swimmer! See, she's doing it right now!
In response, I firmly suggest that you may either change into your swimsuit and hop in within the next ninety seconds, or I shall simply get your child out of the water for you.
Point the sixth:
Sensing defeat, you suggest this rule is stupid. I debate on suggesting your mother was stuipd, but instead go with "Perhaps, but the rules are the rules." You then inform me that since you were just passing through (Evidence for option B!), you did not pack a swimsuit.
I simply grin and inform you cheerily that the front desk has access to swimsuits, rent-free, that you may borrow for the day!
Point the seventh:
Soundly thumped, you glower upon my person and demand to speak with a superior; a demand which is countered by my good self pointing out that it is two-thirty on a Sunday afternoon. There are no other staff here besides myself and the front-desk, and I will most certaintly not be calling anyone because you failed to think ahead. With a flail of your arms, you fetch your child from the water and herd all three towards the front desk.
Point the eigthth(WOW no idea how to spell that):
I manage to get to my office phone before you get even halfway there, and warn the front-desk of your foul incoming presence. She acknowledges and vows to handle the situation.
Roughly ten mintues later you come back into my domain, dressed out with a proper swimsuit. After staring at the rulesheet for several moments, during which I was calmly watching nearby, you then proceed to turn and dive head-first into the water. Completely ignoring the blatent "NO DIVING" rule.
And THAT is why I feel no guilt for telling you that if you so much as TWITCH in the wrong manner, I will proceed to throw all four of you out the back door into the freezing cold.
----------
Okay so I got the dubious honor of working a late afternoon shift a few weeks ago. All in all a rather dull shift (local schools were still in finals, thank goodness), however there was at least one highlight.
So, near middle of the shift, we have a trio of teenage boys trot into the pool area. Alarm bells already ringing in my head because I don't recongize them. These are promptly shut off as I notice they are calmly entering the water properly and arn't actually rough-housing that much.
Not long afterwards I find myself on one of my wandering walks nearby (I like to pace at times) this trio when they beckon for my attention. With all the other patron well within view I kneel down to hear their plea.
They proceed to inquire about accessing the holy of holies; that is, the hot-tub.
Now, rule is, noone under 6, 6-16 needs a parent with them. 16+ are free to get in themselves.
Problem is these scamps look to be about fourteen, maybe fifteen at best. Regardless I decide to test them.
Me: "The hot-tub, eh? Funny, none of you look sixteen or older..."
Boy1: "Aw come on, I'm totally seveteen even!"
Boy2: "Me too!"
Me: "Okay well can you /prove/ it, is the fun part here."
Boy3: "Well how old do I /look/?"
I see a chance to have some fun at their expense, and forge ahead.
Me: "Well you look like you're twelve and you act like you're nine. Do you want me to subtract those numbers or divide them?"
Boy2 decides to be a genius! "Multiply them!"
I adopt a stern look.
Me: "Well now I know you're lying to me because you REALLY don't look that old. Good DAY, gentlemen!"
At this point I stand up and start walking off when Boy3 gets bold. Reaaaal bold.
Boy3: "Well maybe when you turn your back I'll just slip in there myself!"
Now, to the credit of this lads, I could tell they were that serious. At the very least I could tell they were aware that if they DID do that I would severly thrash them, even if they did manage to pull it off.
However I wasn't really in the mood for spending the rest of the shift having to watch these punks like a hawk, so I played the 'CROSSED THE LINE NOW, BUB' card.
*Hard about face, come to a knee, lean down REEAAAALLLL close to Boy3's face. Speak with narrowed eyes and as close to a growl as I can manage.*
Me: "And if you do that, then I will proceed to beat the tar out of you and throw your frail excuse for a body outside onto the cold hard concrete, where the cops will pick you up and drag your sorry hide home to your momma and your poppa."
All three have managed to nearly lose most of the color from their face, are floating stock-still (hanging from teh side of the pool) and have eyes bigger than the moon. Boy3 manages to quickly stammer "Yo-you know I was just messing with you, right?"
*Snap up and grin.*
Me: "Of course! But now you boys know I'm not in the mood for such things, and will not really tolerate any foolishness. You're not in trouble yet, but don't push me tonight, m'kay?"
All three manage to respond, nearly in unsion, "SURE THING" as I calmly walked off.
Best fun I've had all winter, that was. >:3
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