It shall be called Yev Kasem day.
On this day all stores will be open and every employee will work at least part of the day.
On this day all store policies will be enforced to the letter.
On this day customers will be instructed to replace what they don't buy or "No merchandise/service for you!".
On this day any attempt at haggling will result in the immediate doubling of the price, no exceptions. Objections result in "No merchandise/service for you!"
On this day bad tippers will be chased into the street, wrestled to the ground, and an appropriate tip shall be extracted with an extra 50% penalty.
On this day thieves may be beaten by store staff with impunity.
On this day any old person who asks for a senior discount will forfeit that months social security check.
On this day any customer who deliberately or cluelessly makes a mess will clean it up.
On this day anyone who ignores clear signage will be forced to undergo an optical exam, and pay for it.
I'm sure there are other way to observe this holiest of days,
Those who are afraid to shop on this day should examine their behavior the rest of the year.
On this day all stores will be open and every employee will work at least part of the day.
On this day all store policies will be enforced to the letter.
On this day customers will be instructed to replace what they don't buy or "No merchandise/service for you!".
On this day any attempt at haggling will result in the immediate doubling of the price, no exceptions. Objections result in "No merchandise/service for you!"
On this day bad tippers will be chased into the street, wrestled to the ground, and an appropriate tip shall be extracted with an extra 50% penalty.
On this day thieves may be beaten by store staff with impunity.
On this day any old person who asks for a senior discount will forfeit that months social security check.
On this day any customer who deliberately or cluelessly makes a mess will clean it up.
On this day anyone who ignores clear signage will be forced to undergo an optical exam, and pay for it.
I'm sure there are other way to observe this holiest of days,
Those who are afraid to shop on this day should examine their behavior the rest of the year.
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