A proposal for a new international, all faiths holiday.

[Mark Healey]

It shall be called Yev Kasem day.

On this day all stores will be open and every employee will work at least part of the day.

On this day all store policies will be enforced to the letter.

On this day customers will be instructed to replace what they don't buy or "No merchandise/service for you!".

On this day any attempt at haggling will result in the immediate doubling of the price, no exceptions. Objections result in "No merchandise/service for you!"

On this day bad tippers will be chased into the street, wrestled to the ground, and an appropriate tip shall be extracted with an extra 50% penalty.

On this day thieves may be beaten by store staff with impunity.

On this day any old person who asks for a senior discount will forfeit that months social security check.

On this day any customer who deliberately or cluelessly makes a mess will clean it up.

On this day anyone who ignores clear signage will be forced to undergo an optical exam, and pay for it.

I'm sure there are other way to observe this holiest of days,

Those who are afraid to shop on this day should examine their behavior the rest of the year.

[powerboy]

Most of them would not work

[Gravekeeper]

Most of them would not work

It would be easier, faster and a clearer test of intelligence if you simply put a sign out front saying "Customers will be beaten upon entering.". Then proceed to beat anyone with sticks if they enter the store.

Also that would be far more entertaining and theraputic for us.

[Cedophile]

It would be easier, faster and a clearer test of intelligence if you simply put a sign out front saying "Customers will be beaten upon entering.". Then proceed to beat anyone with sticks if they enter the store.

Also that would be far more entertaining and theraputic for us.

I say do entrance tests*. Like universities. It will have questions like

When the sales associate says an item is not in stock:
A. Politely acknowledge the situation and move on
B. Insult the associate's upbringing until one of his/her coworkers procures a tazer.

True or False: Sales representatives are in a conspiracy to make sure your life is difficult, and therefore you have a god-given right to act like a raving idiot.

*note: failure will result in GK's idea.

[friendofjimmyk]

I say do entrance tests*. Like universities. It will have questions like

Entrance testing? No, I'm all for high schools or higher education facilities offering a quarter/semester in customer service ethics. They would have to role play both sides of the coin, the customer service worker and the customer. It would be a pass/fail course. If you pass, you get a wallet-sized certificate, or a permanent tattoo that says you took the course and passed...if they failed, they have to take the class over until they pass and their certificate or tattoo would indicate how many times it took them to pass the course.

If you are certified/tattooed and you act a fool in a customer service situation - then you will be tarred and boa feathered and put in a monthly parade held by the local merchants whose floats will consist of the good customers and the bad tarred and boa feathered customers.