Tweet
Time for my weekly Sunday morning round up.
You can actually plot exactly how my shift is going by how much sarcasm I use on each individual entry.
How about no?
SC: "Can you help me get it up?"
Trust me when I say they don't pay me *that* much.
Wrong Numbers
SC: "Is this a cab?"
Me: "No, sorry."
SC: "But I wanted a cab!"
I sense a gaping chasm between what you want and what I can provide. I call this chasm "stupidity" and dare you to attempt to jump across it. That way at least one of us will be entertained.
You pressed 0 for that?
SC: "When a number says not in service does that mean the number is not in service?"
Am I on candid camera or something? Is someone going to leap out from under the TL desk in a suit with a microphone and let me in on the joke? No, seriously, wheres the camera?
I can't speak Arizonian, but you're still a twit.
SC: "I need a room in Too-sawn"
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "Too-sawn."
Me: "Can you spell it for me?"
SC: "T-u-c-s-f-a-n" ( Where the hell did the F come from? )
Me: "….you mean T-u-c-s-o-n?"
SC: "T-u-c-s-a-n!"
Me: "Tucson, T-u-c-s-o-n?"
SC: "Yeah, Tucson"
Me: "We don’t have any rooms available in Tucson."
I love a happy ending.
Wanna narrow it down?
SC: "My thing is making a strange noise!"
I'll get right on that one. In fact let me connect you over to Mr "Can you help me get it up?". I'm sure the two of you can hammer out some sort of mutual solution.
Promoted!
Me: "This is the afterhours service."
SC: "The airport?"
….where did that even come from? I could understand if they had the same amount of syllables or something…but afterhours service = airport? I never knew. That must make me a pilot. Sweet.
Part of a complete Breakfast.
SC: "Is Chantell there?"
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "Is Chantell there!"
Me: "I think you have the wrong number."
SC: "Well a lot of f**king help you are!!@! <click>"
Whoa…easy Skipper. I'm not sure how you dialing incorrectly is my fault. I have many talents but warping time and space around your phone's keypad at a distance is not one of them. However, making fun of you in my shift report is. So I shall spend the next 5 minutes mentally debating as to what animal pissed in your Fruit Loops this morning. Then I will chuckle to myself.
Mongoose….heh heh.
Aureal Chocolate
Me: "Good morning, <My Company>."
SC: "Hi!"
Me: "Hi."
SC: "How are you?"
Me: "Good, can I help you?"
SC: "...."
Me: "...."
SC: "….<click>"
I know the rich, velvety sound of my voice is like a Siren's call to you ( and all the other freaks that wander the streets after 10pm ), but at least think of an excuse for why you're calling to hear it.
Oh my God!
( I didn't give my name on this call... )
Caller apparently believes my name is Kenny. If South Park is any indication this means my death is imminent. But none of you get my headset foamies, I'm having them buried with me.
Spider Senses...
SC: "What time does the office open tomorrow?"
Me: "10am"
SC: "Tomorrow is Saturday!!"
Me: "….Yes?"
Strangely enough I'm aware of the fact tomorrow is Saturday. I'm aware of many things. For instance, I'm aware you may have been dropped on your head as a child.
Bail Buddies?
SC: "Do you have any way of checking?"
Me: "Checking what?"
SC: "If my friend is in custody."
Me: "..pardon?"
SC: "He's not answering his cell."
What the hell kind of friends do you have that you automatically assume they've been arrested if they don't answer their phone? I usually just assume they're busy, not that they've killed someone.
As a Matter of Fact...
Me: "The confirmation number is xxxxxx-"
SC: "-Ok, got it"
Me: "-xxxx"
SC: "Wow that’s a long f**king number!~ You guys should have shorter numbers! Its not like you're booking for tons of people across the country-"
Me: "Well, actually…"
He was of course trying to memorize the confirmation number, hotel address, etc since he lacked a writing instrument. Despite the fact the recording that plays before they even get to me says "Have a pen ready to take down information".
Oh Noez, Embezzlement!
While I appreciate your generousity, donating for meals for exactly 19 people is not an option. Your options are 10 or 20. I award you bonus points for thinking this was a scam when informed you could donate for 20 but not 19.
Yes, we're trying to swindle you out of, by your own admittance, about $1.50. After I skim that off the top as my cut I'll be halfway towards my dream vacation to Surrey via the Skytrain.
The caller did assure me that he would call in the morning to donate for exactly 19 people when it was "secure" to do so. I wish him luck.
That was my week, how was yours?
You can actually plot exactly how my shift is going by how much sarcasm I use on each individual entry.
How about no?
SC: "Can you help me get it up?"
Trust me when I say they don't pay me *that* much.
Wrong Numbers
SC: "Is this a cab?"
Me: "No, sorry."
SC: "But I wanted a cab!"
I sense a gaping chasm between what you want and what I can provide. I call this chasm "stupidity" and dare you to attempt to jump across it. That way at least one of us will be entertained.
You pressed 0 for that?
SC: "When a number says not in service does that mean the number is not in service?"
Am I on candid camera or something? Is someone going to leap out from under the TL desk in a suit with a microphone and let me in on the joke? No, seriously, wheres the camera?
I can't speak Arizonian, but you're still a twit.
SC: "I need a room in Too-sawn"
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "Too-sawn."
Me: "Can you spell it for me?"
SC: "T-u-c-s-f-a-n" ( Where the hell did the F come from? )
Me: "….you mean T-u-c-s-o-n?"
SC: "T-u-c-s-a-n!"
Me: "Tucson, T-u-c-s-o-n?"
SC: "Yeah, Tucson"
Me: "We don’t have any rooms available in Tucson."
I love a happy ending.
Wanna narrow it down?
SC: "My thing is making a strange noise!"
I'll get right on that one. In fact let me connect you over to Mr "Can you help me get it up?". I'm sure the two of you can hammer out some sort of mutual solution.
Promoted!
Me: "This is the afterhours service."
SC: "The airport?"
….where did that even come from? I could understand if they had the same amount of syllables or something…but afterhours service = airport? I never knew. That must make me a pilot. Sweet.
Part of a complete Breakfast.
SC: "Is Chantell there?"
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "Is Chantell there!"
Me: "I think you have the wrong number."
SC: "Well a lot of f**king help you are!!@! <click>"
Whoa…easy Skipper. I'm not sure how you dialing incorrectly is my fault. I have many talents but warping time and space around your phone's keypad at a distance is not one of them. However, making fun of you in my shift report is. So I shall spend the next 5 minutes mentally debating as to what animal pissed in your Fruit Loops this morning. Then I will chuckle to myself.
Mongoose….heh heh.
Aureal Chocolate
Me: "Good morning, <My Company>."
SC: "Hi!"
Me: "Hi."
SC: "How are you?"
Me: "Good, can I help you?"
SC: "...."
Me: "...."
SC: "….<click>"
I know the rich, velvety sound of my voice is like a Siren's call to you ( and all the other freaks that wander the streets after 10pm ), but at least think of an excuse for why you're calling to hear it.
Oh my God!
( I didn't give my name on this call... )
Caller apparently believes my name is Kenny. If South Park is any indication this means my death is imminent. But none of you get my headset foamies, I'm having them buried with me.
Spider Senses...
SC: "What time does the office open tomorrow?"
Me: "10am"
SC: "Tomorrow is Saturday!!"
Me: "….Yes?"
Strangely enough I'm aware of the fact tomorrow is Saturday. I'm aware of many things. For instance, I'm aware you may have been dropped on your head as a child.
Bail Buddies?
SC: "Do you have any way of checking?"
Me: "Checking what?"
SC: "If my friend is in custody."
Me: "..pardon?"
SC: "He's not answering his cell."
What the hell kind of friends do you have that you automatically assume they've been arrested if they don't answer their phone? I usually just assume they're busy, not that they've killed someone.
As a Matter of Fact...
Me: "The confirmation number is xxxxxx-"
SC: "-Ok, got it"
Me: "-xxxx"
SC: "Wow that’s a long f**king number!~ You guys should have shorter numbers! Its not like you're booking for tons of people across the country-"
Me: "Well, actually…"
He was of course trying to memorize the confirmation number, hotel address, etc since he lacked a writing instrument. Despite the fact the recording that plays before they even get to me says "Have a pen ready to take down information".
Oh Noez, Embezzlement!
While I appreciate your generousity, donating for meals for exactly 19 people is not an option. Your options are 10 or 20. I award you bonus points for thinking this was a scam when informed you could donate for 20 but not 19.
Yes, we're trying to swindle you out of, by your own admittance, about $1.50. After I skim that off the top as my cut I'll be halfway towards my dream vacation to Surrey via the Skytrain.
The caller did assure me that he would call in the morning to donate for exactly 19 people when it was "secure" to do so. I wish him luck.
That was my week, how was yours?
I AM the evil bastard!
) and Philip.
Comment