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I don't need no stinking manual.

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  • I don't need no stinking manual.

    My managers think that my case of Mute Button Tourettes is an anomoly.

    "Only Deceptitech gets this affliction, and our new people will not get it."

    Having been a veteran of the tech support line, they place me at the bottom of the queue so I can assist the new people when they need help, and will take calls last on the list. Phone call was reconstructed from a newbie, they filled me in on the details I didn't hear.

    N: new person(odds are she'll be joining this forum soon)
    SC: more money than Brains(considering how much this phone cost, that's not saying much)
    *MBT*: What I heard her say
    D: Sympathetic ear.

    N: Thank you for calling retardshack.com, my name is new person, may I have your name please?
    SC: Yeah, I'm having a problem with your phone. I can't receive any calls from it.
    N: Ok Sir, can you see if the call is coming in?
    SC: Yeah, it lights up, but I can't hear the ringing.
    N: Ok, have you turned the volume up on the ringer?
    SC: How do I do that?
    N: just look in your manual--
    SC: I don't want to look in my manual.
    *MBY*: You what?
    D: is there a problem here?
    N(muted): Yeah, this guy can't get the ringer to go up, and when I told him to look in the manual he said he don't want to read it.(mute off) Sir, if you look in your owners manual you can find out how to turn the volume up.
    SC: The manual can't talk to me. I want to talk to a live person to get this working. I bought it from you, now fix it.
    *MBT*: You dumb ass, You can read the manual. (to me) I told him that it is in the manual, but he wants me to talk him through it.
    D: get the model number of the phone.
    N: Can I have the model number of your phone?
    SC: It's the white one with big buttons. How do I get that?
    N: It's on the back of the manua--
    SC: I SAId I AM NOT GOING TO OPEN THE MANUAL!
    *MBT*: You stupid shit, I said on the back you asshole, not inside. Deceptitech, what can I do?
    D: Ask him where he got it.
    SC: (ranting while She is asking me this) I bought this at one of YOUR stores, and I told them I will NOT open that damned manual. They said to call you there, and that YOU would fix the phone from there. Now You will fix my phone, or I'm gonna throw this through the window of your store.
    *MBT*: You lazy ass, I said to open the manual and you'll find out. Can't you F**KING READ YOU MORON???
    N: Where did you get this phone at?
    SC: I bought it at your 39th street store.
    *MBT*: He got it at a local store.
    D: tell him you need the model number to help him.
    N: Sir, what model phone do you have? I can look up the manual--
    SC: I told you I am not reading the manual. Can't you get that through your thick head?
    *MBT*: You stupid bas**rd, I can't help you if you won't look at the back of the manual to get the model number.
    D: Welcome to tech support hell.
    Nto me) Drop dead. He's ranting about how he won't look at the manual.
    D: Been there, done that. Tell him to call customer care.
    N: Sir, can I suggest you call customer care tomorrow, here's how to get them. Dial 1-800-DUMB ASS, and hit option 2 and option 2 again.
    SC: Why can't you fix it? You're no good to me.--click--
    N: He hung up on me. That stupid moron hung up on me.
    D: Could be worse, he could still be screaming about how he refuses to look in the manual.

    After researching it in my down time, I found the one he had, and told her that if he was nice for 10 seconds, he could have gotten it working right. She didn't care anymore, he really ruined her day. I said the closer we get to christmas, the worse it's gonna get.

    Nafter a while) You were right, the mute button is my best friend. These people are just plain stupid.
    D: Welcome veteran, you are no longer a rookie.
    I did not sell my soul to Satan. He does have a long term lease with the option to buy.

  • #2
    heh heh heh...Very good, my young padawan (flash big Ewan grin)

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    • #3
      Probably couldn't read. However, you'd think if he had no choice but to rely on others to help him because he was illiterate, he's also have learned a long time ago to be a little more patient.

      What a knob.

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      • #4
        By the time he's done ranting, he's wasted 10 times as much effort as it would have taken to read the manual, or get the manual and take it to someone who will read it for them.
        - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

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        • #5
          "Sir, it is NOT my job to instruct oyu on how to use your equipment. My job is to provide tech support in case there is a porblem with the phone. We pay our tech writers good money to write the manuals, which you PAID to get. As there is no problem with the phone, I will not terminate this call, Have a nice day." *click*
          "We guard the souls in heaven; we don't horse-trade them!" Samandrial in Supernatural

          RIP Plaidman.

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