Rules of Self Checkout

[KabeRinnaul]

Reposted from my LiveJournal.

Remember these simple things, and I won't have to murder you in a rage.

1. Never bring children to Self Checkout.
2. NEVER bring children to Self Checkout.
3. If, in some fit of madness, you bring your children to Self Checkout, don't let them ring things up.
4. Don't push the skip bagging button.
5. Just because it popped up, doesn't mean you have to push it. Don't push the skip bagging button.
6. The button is not for when you want to put the item with the bags but not in the bags. Don't push the skip bagging button.
7. The button is not for when you want to scan one thing multiple times. Don't push the skip bagging button.
8. The button is not for letting you put every single item you have back in the buggy through the entire order, setting off a Skip Limit alert every fourth time, then getting all your things mixed up and forgetting what you have and have not scanned because you put all the things you did scan back in with all the things you didn't scan and now you want me to void the whole thing so you can start over and even if you do YOU'LL JUST KEEP DOING THE SAME THING AND SKIP BAGGING AGAIN AND HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS YOU IDIOT DON'T PUSH THE SKIP BAGGING BUTTON.
9. Forgetting to scan your discount card does not merit restarting your entire order.
10. You can't trick the scale by moving your bags around. Quit trying.
11. You can't scan your own coupons. Quit trying.
12. If you use the wrong pin number three times, your card will be locked. This is for your protection. I have nothing to do with it, and it's entirely your own fault. So you get to call your bank to fix it.
13. Don't just shout at me to ask what every produce number is. There's a lookup menu.
14. In the event you're too dumb for a lookup menu, there are pictures. All you have to do is pound on them with your little monkey-fists and your bananas will ring up.
15. Pounding on the machine with your monkey-fists and shouting "WHY?!" will not make the error message go away. Be patient, and try to calm yourself before you have a stroke or find yourself flinging feces and screeching at the evil word-box that demands your money.

I AM BABYSITTING MONKEYS. One day, I'll either stab one of them, or invest in tranquilizer darts so they can be returned to the zoo properly.

[HYHYBT]

You mean I have to put the 20-lb bag of cat food and my frozen lasagna, both of which won't even fit in the bags, in bags rather than back in the cart?

[Alteran Ancient]

Being able to master the Self-Checkout requires some experience and skill. My parents don't get it, but I do. No matter where you go, it's the same experience everywhere, except that some will take cash and some will only take card.

Sainsbury's, Tesco, ASDA (The UK equiv. of Wal-Mart) and Marks and Spencer all use the same SC system, with the same woman screaming "Unexpected item in bagging area, remove this item" at all the noobs who don't understand this technology. I will confess, it has its flaws, but if you follow the instructions like text-book, then you shouldn't have any issues. The only time I do mash on "The Button (TM)" is when I click "Using own bag.", and I get my shopping out of the way flawlessly.

If it's too hard for other people, then it's a job best left to the real checkout staff, who unfortunately, unlike a self-checkout machine, has feelings and will react if screamed at by a customer.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I never use self checkout. Why, you ask? Cuz I get fed up of waiting behind a subhuman who is incapable of understanding the simplist instructions and will just bitch at me if I try to tell them that they're doing it wrong

[Kheldarson]

You mean I have to put the 20-lb bag of cat food and my frozen lasagna, both of which won't even fit in the bags, in bags rather than back in the cart?

That's different. He's saying he gets people who'll put cans of food, fruit, or other items which can and should go into a bag back in the cart rather than in a bag and hit the skip bagging button. Which means they lose track of what they have or have not scanned and things just get messy.

[Mr Hero]

I'm one of those people who don't like using sco if I have items with no bar code such as produce or donuts. Mmmm...donuts

[KellyHabersham]

Not really a "rule", but I think it would be great to have self-checkout machines which were designed to where people could NOT use them to buy produce, alcohol, or cigarettes.

[Flying Grype]

I love self-checkout, but only at some stores. There are a few stores I can think of where there's always, always a problem even if I do everything right. There are other stores where the machine doesn't mind a couple of extra seconds while you search for the barcode or try to find the right angle to scan it.

[ArcticChicken]

16. No, you can't put all your items on the belt and then start scanning, it will send them back and make you try again.

17. You can't throw them into the bagging area either, it will freeze and make me compare EVERYTHING against your receipt. I will do it, even if I have to unpack your bags. No, I won't repack them, it's your own damn fault, you deal with it.

18. When it say's "Enter....kiwi quantity" it means look at the numbers on the screen and ENTER THE NUMBER OF KIWI YOU HAVE!! dumbass.

19. Your cash does not go in the coupon box.

20. Your cash does not go in the catalina machine.

21. You cannot pay until you've hit the button that says "Finish and Pay"

22. Your coupons HAVE to go in the coupon box.

23. No, you are not entitled to scan your coupon twice when you have two items but only one coupon. I don't care if the coupon came on the item, if you wanted to use two you should have found another one with the coupon on it.

24. Impatience will only make it take longer.

25. Don't yell at me when the magic card slidy thing say's "waiting for cashier", YOU are the cashier, I am the attendant.

26. Don't yell at me because it hasn't printed your receipt. You forgot to sign for your credit card.

27. I appreciate that at your age you are still willing to learn new things. Don't do it at our busiest time of day.

[Geek King]

I AM BABYSITTING MONKEYS. One day, I'll either stab one of them, or invest in tranquilizer darts so they can be returned to the zoo properly.

And now you know what its like working in IT.

Except monkeys can be trained using Skinner's methods.

[bsaana]

And now you know what its like working in IT.

Except monkeys can be trained using Skinner's methods.

I even think at times monkeys could operate the machines I support better than the people who do use them - even after we have trained them...

[Sableonblonde]

I won't touch the self-checkouts. Not with a ten-foot pole. Being able to ring up items efficiently (or at all, in my case) is a skill, and a skill I do not possess. I also wouldn't want to take the risk of getting behind other individuals who do not possess this skill.

I don't really understand the lure of self-checkouts. I prefer to have a professional, someone who knows that they're doing and is well-trained, to ring up my order. It'd be like going to the doctor and trying to diagnose myself.

[Peppergirl]

I don't really understand the lure of self-checkouts.

I like them because I shop at odd hours, and like my stuff bagged a certain way. By using the SCO, I don't feel like such a pain in the ass to the cashier. Everybody wins.

Granted, the store I go to has two seperate SCOs for large orders vs small orders. It really bugs when people try to take an entire cart full of crap through one of the SCOs designed for smallish orders. I'd love to hear an SCO attendant's take on THAT!

[LadyAndreca]

28. Walking up to self-checkout with a blithe "Oh, the attendant will scan our stuff" will make me hate you. And make me find the politest way possible to send you to the back of the line at the regular register. I've got four stations to watch, I don't have time to scan fifty items for you.

29. In a similar vein, WHY are you taking a dozen sheets of drywall and thirty-odd pieces of various types of lumber and plywood through self-checkout? You know full well that you can't lift that onto the scanner, and we both know there's someone at the lumber register, which has enough space for a cashier to walk around a cart that big.

30. Checks. If you're paying with a check, PLEASE go through a regular line. Deliberately involving the attendant defeats the point of self-checkout. That goes for you jerks who trot up to me with "you'll have to key my card manually, it never swipes" too.

(*sigh* Of course, during certain times of the day, ONLY the self-checkouts are open at the main registers, and the lumber register waaaaay down at the end of the store, because they've only got minimum cashiers scheduled. Which is why they think they can pull these stunts during peak hours too.)

[Alpha Strike]

I won't touch the self-checkouts. Not with a ten-foot pole. Being able to ring up items efficiently (or at all, in my case) is a skill, and a skill I do not possess. I also wouldn't want to take the risk of getting behind other individuals who do not possess this skill.

I don't really understand the lure of self-checkouts. I prefer to have a professional, someone who knows that they're doing and is well-trained, to ring up my order. It'd be like going to the doctor and trying to diagnose myself.

I've done retail and I've been a cashier with the scan gun, so when I say this I do it from experience: scanning a standard order is NOT a high-level skill and self-checkout isn't in the same hemisphere as going to a doctor and trying to self-diagnose.

Now one could argue that bagging items takes some degree of aptitude and I certainly don't begrudge you the fact that you prefer someone else to take care of your order.

Personally though I'll pick self-checkout almost every time if it's an option. I prefer it because of the speed in which I can get checked out, the ability to bag things the way I like (I often stuff my bag since I'm going a short-distance) and, most importantly, it gives me the opportunity to avoid the wide array of douchebags that populate the full service lines.