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Twitch is one of the company’s night workers and the go-to repo guy. Not a bad guy. He’s kinda scary-looking, has a bit of a temper, but he’s not a bad guy. But, he does have the most rotten luck in the world.
The only time anyone’s ever actually jumped through the window of one of our tow trucks and attacked the driver? It was Twitch. (Guy wasn’t even being towed, was just a random drunk on the sidewalk who’s friends dared him to do it, Twitch knocked him out cold.)
The time someone reached into a truck and ripped the gearshift lever off disabling the whole truck in “Park”? It was Twitch’s truck. (This guy was also drunk)
The time someone tried to steal one of our trucks? It was Twitch’s
The last three fatal accidents we had to clean up? Twitch ended up with all of them.
The car that the guy committed suicide via shotgun inside of? Twitch ended up with it
The guy who got chased across a parking lot by a maniac wielding a ball peen hammer? Well, actually, that was Skippy, a different employee, hmm, guess Twitch doesn’t get ALL the bad luck but he definitely gets the lion’s share.
Anyway, he had it happen to him again the other night when he pulled into a lot to tow out an illegally parked SUV that was backed into a space, I guess in a half-assed attempt to hide the fact he had no permit since the lot rules are that the permit/stickers go on the back glass of all cars. Anyway, he gets the truck lifted, strapped down, and has the dollies on it, and is about 3 seconds from leaving when the owner tears out of the building.
“YOU AREN’T TOWING ME YOU F******!” he yells.
Twitch informs him that yes, in fact, he is, unless a drop fee is paid
“NO WAY!” says the guy as he promptly hops into his vehicle and tries to drive off of the tow truck, but seeing as how his front wheels are firmly attached to the tow truck, and his drive wheels are sitting in between a pair of aluminum dolly axles, their smooth polished surfaces and relative 100% grade prove to be an obstacle the boys at GM never had in mind when designing the GMC Yukon, thus he accomplishes nothing except evaporating about 200 miles of tread life off his tires in the heroic attempt. Exactly where he was going to go was a mystery as well, as there were cars on either side of him, and a brick wall 1 foot behind him. Anyway, Twich is less than amused at this point and tells the guy his options.
“You need to either pay $60 for the drop, or get out of the vehicle”
“F*** YOU!"
“We will call the cops if you refuse to comply”
“YOU CAN’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!”
Well, the fact we just DID kind of proves you wrong doesn’t it? Anyway, Twitch didn’t say that, but he did call the cops, and me to be a witness in case it gets complicated.
10 minutes later I get on scene, a cruiser pulls into the lot shortly thereafter. Cop gets out and walks over to the truck, but gets the silent treatment. The guy won’t even acknowledge the officer’s presence. Note to the public, do you know of ANY problem in the world that ignorance solved? Be it an unsolved algebra equation or a dead body, or in your case, someone who’s been provided at no charge by the public with no fewer than 5 ways to physically incapacitate you? That really seemed like a good idea? Really?
Cop gets on his radio, and 4 minutes later , two more cruisers enter the lot, from which emerge a total of 3 extra cops, one of whom is wearing Sergeant’s stripes. Must be the proverbial backup. After a brief discussion, the Sarge goes over to the truck with a gait and stance that somehow reminds me of the phrase. “Well, here comes the Skipper and it looks like Johnson is gettin’ the hook” Upon reaching the truck, he tells “Silent Cal” thusly,
“Look, you can either pay for the tow, or you can get out of the vehicle, you have 10 seconds to make up your mind, and at that point, if you have not, we will forcibly remove you from the vehicle.”
Guy does nothing
Sarge walks over to the cruiser in line and pops the trunk, and out comes the riot gun.
Oops, guess I was wrong, make that six ways to incapacitate you.
“This is gettin’ good” observes Twitch, “they’re gonna beanbag him”
Guy suddenly has a change of heart and coughs up sixty bucks.
“Too bad” I observe, I was all ready to start giving a play-by-play over the radio for everyone else”
“Oh those bean bag rounds ain’t fun” says Twitch, “I should know, I got shot with one once”
Really? He never told me that he… well I wasn’t surprised, it was Twitch, after all…..
The only time anyone’s ever actually jumped through the window of one of our tow trucks and attacked the driver? It was Twitch. (Guy wasn’t even being towed, was just a random drunk on the sidewalk who’s friends dared him to do it, Twitch knocked him out cold.)
The time someone reached into a truck and ripped the gearshift lever off disabling the whole truck in “Park”? It was Twitch’s truck. (This guy was also drunk)
The time someone tried to steal one of our trucks? It was Twitch’s
The last three fatal accidents we had to clean up? Twitch ended up with all of them.
The car that the guy committed suicide via shotgun inside of? Twitch ended up with it
The guy who got chased across a parking lot by a maniac wielding a ball peen hammer? Well, actually, that was Skippy, a different employee, hmm, guess Twitch doesn’t get ALL the bad luck but he definitely gets the lion’s share.
Anyway, he had it happen to him again the other night when he pulled into a lot to tow out an illegally parked SUV that was backed into a space, I guess in a half-assed attempt to hide the fact he had no permit since the lot rules are that the permit/stickers go on the back glass of all cars. Anyway, he gets the truck lifted, strapped down, and has the dollies on it, and is about 3 seconds from leaving when the owner tears out of the building.
“YOU AREN’T TOWING ME YOU F******!” he yells.
Twitch informs him that yes, in fact, he is, unless a drop fee is paid
“NO WAY!” says the guy as he promptly hops into his vehicle and tries to drive off of the tow truck, but seeing as how his front wheels are firmly attached to the tow truck, and his drive wheels are sitting in between a pair of aluminum dolly axles, their smooth polished surfaces and relative 100% grade prove to be an obstacle the boys at GM never had in mind when designing the GMC Yukon, thus he accomplishes nothing except evaporating about 200 miles of tread life off his tires in the heroic attempt. Exactly where he was going to go was a mystery as well, as there were cars on either side of him, and a brick wall 1 foot behind him. Anyway, Twich is less than amused at this point and tells the guy his options.
“You need to either pay $60 for the drop, or get out of the vehicle”
“F*** YOU!"
“We will call the cops if you refuse to comply”
“YOU CAN’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!”
Well, the fact we just DID kind of proves you wrong doesn’t it? Anyway, Twitch didn’t say that, but he did call the cops, and me to be a witness in case it gets complicated.
10 minutes later I get on scene, a cruiser pulls into the lot shortly thereafter. Cop gets out and walks over to the truck, but gets the silent treatment. The guy won’t even acknowledge the officer’s presence. Note to the public, do you know of ANY problem in the world that ignorance solved? Be it an unsolved algebra equation or a dead body, or in your case, someone who’s been provided at no charge by the public with no fewer than 5 ways to physically incapacitate you? That really seemed like a good idea? Really?
Cop gets on his radio, and 4 minutes later , two more cruisers enter the lot, from which emerge a total of 3 extra cops, one of whom is wearing Sergeant’s stripes. Must be the proverbial backup. After a brief discussion, the Sarge goes over to the truck with a gait and stance that somehow reminds me of the phrase. “Well, here comes the Skipper and it looks like Johnson is gettin’ the hook” Upon reaching the truck, he tells “Silent Cal” thusly,
“Look, you can either pay for the tow, or you can get out of the vehicle, you have 10 seconds to make up your mind, and at that point, if you have not, we will forcibly remove you from the vehicle.”
Guy does nothing
Sarge walks over to the cruiser in line and pops the trunk, and out comes the riot gun.
Oops, guess I was wrong, make that six ways to incapacitate you.
“This is gettin’ good” observes Twitch, “they’re gonna beanbag him”
Guy suddenly has a change of heart and coughs up sixty bucks.
“Too bad” I observe, I was all ready to start giving a play-by-play over the radio for everyone else”
“Oh those bean bag rounds ain’t fun” says Twitch, “I should know, I got shot with one once”
Really? He never told me that he… well I wasn’t surprised, it was Twitch, after all…..
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