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All the odds & ends calls I haven't posted yet this week. That storm here in Vancouver was a headache and a half. Had around 20 calls in queue by 4am, but only 2 operators. >< Ended up doing a bit of OT because 2 ops didn't come in too.
Ah well, on to the tomfoolery
Property Management
( During the night of the storm )
SC: "The power is out."
Me: "Yes, there's a power outage in the area."
SC: "Can you do anything about it?"
Me: "No, you'll have to call BC Hydro."
SC: "Can you call them for me? …and then call me back and let me know what they said?"
Me: "…no, you'll have to call them yourself."
A brave new world of personal responsibility awaits you! I know, its scary at first. Hold my hand if you need to.
This Is Your Brain on Drugs
Strike #1:
Fantastically stoned guy calls in looking for a product info. I offer him a brochure. He accepts, I presume because it would make wonderful rolling paper. I ask him his postal code….
SC: "T46"
Me: "T-4-6?"
SC: "Yeah, T46 MJ9"
Me: "T46? That can't be right…"
SC: "Uh…..um…..<insert the sounds of what heavy drug use does to your brain>…uh…<click>"
Strike #2
Stoner calls again. This time he gets Operator #2 and asks "Is your bathroom running?". I believe the correct lead in is "Is your refrigerator running?".
Its pretty bad when you're so stoned you can't even pull off a prank call you saw on a rerun of the Simpsons.
Strike #3
Apparently Operator #2 is now a sucker of male genitalia.
Comebacks
Me: "and where are you calling from?"
SC: "Me? Uh...home."
Me: "I mean what city."
SC: "Oh!"
You know, that would have been a snappy come back if you hadn't had said it in a moment of complete confusion. Perhaps you're some sort of idiot savant of sarcasm?
Timezones
SC: "What time is it there?"
Me: "6am"
SC: "So its 6:55 there?"
Me: "No, its 5:55"
I was unaware everything I say is subject to a +/- 55 margin of error.
Dante's Inferno
Caller described living in her building as "Like living in Hell.". The reason you ask? Because her downstairs neighbour, according to her, spends his entire day spraying things into the heating vents. The entire day. He apparently doesn't sleep, all he does is spray things into the vents. At all hours! Oh noez.
Hell is not a lake of fire and brimstone. Hell is a can of Lysol room deodorizer being wielded by a middle aged insomniac. "Spring Breeze" is the 4th layer of the underworld.
I Can Play Too
"Sayonara, baby!"
Ja mata, koneko-chan. Chuu~
Air Travel
Me: "What airline were you on?"
SC: "9:45am"
Me: "…no, what airline?"
SC: "Flight 95"
Me: "…what AIRLINE were you on?"
SC: "America West?"
Don't stop on my account. Please, continue on with every other irrelevant piece of information about your flight that I don't want, need nor did I ask for. What kind of plane was it? How many seats did it have? What movie did they play? Did you get any cashews in your mixed nuts? Chicken or beef? Window or aisle seat? Did the guy sitting next to you fall asleep on your shoulder? Did the seat make your butt itch? Inquiring minds want to know, speak woman!
Uh Oh
Me: "What software do you have?"
SC: "The popular one."
Gah, the Riddler. Quick, the BAT SIGNAL.
You What Now?
SC: "I inserted 10 dolls into the machine"
….you did? Barbie or Ken? Or was it Barbie's Friend Midge™? Because nobody liked Midge and if that’s the case I approve of your dollicide.
It Hurts
Me: "Good Morning <such and such> Roofing"
SC: "Are you involved in airline tickets?"
You know, I attempted to mentally connect "Roofing" and "Air Travel" in my mind like you did, but my head started to hurt and I had to lay down and take a nap.
Well, at least my job is entertaining in a sort of post-apocolyptic way.
Ah well, on to the tomfoolery
Property Management
( During the night of the storm )
SC: "The power is out."
Me: "Yes, there's a power outage in the area."
SC: "Can you do anything about it?"
Me: "No, you'll have to call BC Hydro."
SC: "Can you call them for me? …and then call me back and let me know what they said?"
Me: "…no, you'll have to call them yourself."
A brave new world of personal responsibility awaits you! I know, its scary at first. Hold my hand if you need to.
This Is Your Brain on Drugs
Strike #1:
Fantastically stoned guy calls in looking for a product info. I offer him a brochure. He accepts, I presume because it would make wonderful rolling paper. I ask him his postal code….
SC: "T46"
Me: "T-4-6?"
SC: "Yeah, T46 MJ9"
Me: "T46? That can't be right…"
SC: "Uh…..um…..<insert the sounds of what heavy drug use does to your brain>…uh…<click>"
Strike #2
Stoner calls again. This time he gets Operator #2 and asks "Is your bathroom running?". I believe the correct lead in is "Is your refrigerator running?".
Its pretty bad when you're so stoned you can't even pull off a prank call you saw on a rerun of the Simpsons.
Strike #3
Apparently Operator #2 is now a sucker of male genitalia.
Comebacks
Me: "and where are you calling from?"
SC: "Me? Uh...home."
Me: "I mean what city."
SC: "Oh!"
You know, that would have been a snappy come back if you hadn't had said it in a moment of complete confusion. Perhaps you're some sort of idiot savant of sarcasm?
Timezones
SC: "What time is it there?"
Me: "6am"
SC: "So its 6:55 there?"
Me: "No, its 5:55"
I was unaware everything I say is subject to a +/- 55 margin of error.
Dante's Inferno
Caller described living in her building as "Like living in Hell.". The reason you ask? Because her downstairs neighbour, according to her, spends his entire day spraying things into the heating vents. The entire day. He apparently doesn't sleep, all he does is spray things into the vents. At all hours! Oh noez.
Hell is not a lake of fire and brimstone. Hell is a can of Lysol room deodorizer being wielded by a middle aged insomniac. "Spring Breeze" is the 4th layer of the underworld.
I Can Play Too
"Sayonara, baby!"
Ja mata, koneko-chan. Chuu~
Air Travel
Me: "What airline were you on?"
SC: "9:45am"
Me: "…no, what airline?"
SC: "Flight 95"
Me: "…what AIRLINE were you on?"
SC: "America West?"
Don't stop on my account. Please, continue on with every other irrelevant piece of information about your flight that I don't want, need nor did I ask for. What kind of plane was it? How many seats did it have? What movie did they play? Did you get any cashews in your mixed nuts? Chicken or beef? Window or aisle seat? Did the guy sitting next to you fall asleep on your shoulder? Did the seat make your butt itch? Inquiring minds want to know, speak woman!
Uh Oh
Me: "What software do you have?"
SC: "The popular one."
Gah, the Riddler. Quick, the BAT SIGNAL.
You What Now?
SC: "I inserted 10 dolls into the machine"
….you did? Barbie or Ken? Or was it Barbie's Friend Midge™? Because nobody liked Midge and if that’s the case I approve of your dollicide.
It Hurts
Me: "Good Morning <such and such> Roofing"
SC: "Are you involved in airline tickets?"
You know, I attempted to mentally connect "Roofing" and "Air Travel" in my mind like you did, but my head started to hurt and I had to lay down and take a nap.
Well, at least my job is entertaining in a sort of post-apocolyptic way.
Ma'am, this is a military installation.
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