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Some things I'm better off not discovering

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  • Some things I'm better off not discovering

    A package of hemorrhoid suppositories.

    Opened.

    Just sitting right on the shelf.

    With two suppositories missing.

    I guess somebody had a heinous pain-us in their anus. I just hope they had the decency not to insert the suppositories right there in the aisle.
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

  • #2
    Maybe they used it to get rid of the puffiness under their eyes. :-)
    "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

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    • #3
      Dear gawd, Sheldon....

      Besides, it's a raw steak, or frozen pack of veggies for swollen eyes. I'm not going to ask where you use other toiletry items. I really don't want to know.
      Make a list of important things to do today.
      At the top of your list, put 'eat chocolate'
      Now, you'll get at least one thing done today

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      • #4
        Dear Preparation-H:

        I ate this whole danged tube and I STILL got these hemrrhoids! I can whistle real good now though!

        (Stolen from Bill Engvall)
        Originally Posted by edible_hat
        (also, wouldn't lube work better in a f***ing machine?)

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        • #5
          I've often wondered how many sucktomers would shrink up and disappear if I forcefed them a tube of Preparation-H.
          The Borg wouldn't know fun if they assimilated an amusement park. -- B'Elanna Torres, Star Trek: Voyager

          Math! Math, my dear boy, is but the lesbian sister of Biology. -- Peter Griffin, Family Guy

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          • #6
            Quoth aurelemsrealm View Post
            I've often wondered how many sucktomers would shrink up and disappear if I forcefed them a tube of Preparation-H.
            Well, we know that none of said sucktomers *need* Preparation-H...

            They're all Perfect A******s!
            I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
            Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
            Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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            • #7
              Hahahahaha!!


              Heard on the intercom when I was working in a different store (same chain):

              Porter with a mop to the family planning aisle, porter with a mop.

              It was K-Y.

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              • #8
                Quoth r2cagle View Post
                Dear gawd, Sheldon....

                Besides, it's a raw steak, or frozen pack of veggies for swollen eyes. I'm not going to ask where you use other toiletry items. I really don't want to know.
                It's actually an old trick. They even used it in the movie "Miss Congeniality".
                And yes, it actually DOES work. After all, swelling is swelling, no matter where. lol!!
                "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

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                • #9
                  Cream, yes. I don't think the pills would do much...
                  "I am quite confident that I do exist."
                  "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Nametag View Post
                    Hahahahaha!!


                    Heard on the intercom when I was working in a different store (same chain):

                    Porter with a mop to the family planning aisle, porter with a mop.

                    It was K-Y.
                    EWWWWW!!!!!!

                    And yet, appropriate.
                    I AM the evil bastard!
                    A+ Certified IT Technician

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                    • #11
                      Were these the foil wrapped suppositories?


                      Wait never mind. I can't believe I'm dwelling on this.... somebody, hand me brain-bleach quick!
                      Make a list of important things to do today.
                      At the top of your list, put 'eat chocolate'
                      Now, you'll get at least one thing done today

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        How in the heck does the pill work around your eyes? How the heck are you supposed to...oh nevermind. :P
                        My Guide to Oblivion

                        "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

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                        • #13
                          Makes a change though - usually the customers just tell US to stick it..............
                          Engaged to the sweet Mytical He is my Black Dragon (and yes, a good one) strong, protective, the guardian. I am his Silver Dragon, always by his side, shining for him, cherishing him.

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                          • #14
                            Hmm, yep, it DOES make you wonder.

                            Also, a moist black tea bag under your eyes helps reduce puffiness. Makes your skin feel really nice too!
                            "If anyone wants this old box containing the broken bits of my former faith in humanity, I'll take your best offer now. You may be able to salvage a few of em' for parts..... " - Quote by Argabarga

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Tama View Post
                              How in the heck does the pill work around your eyes? How the heck are you supposed to...oh nevermind. :P
                              I'm guessing they're gel-caps, at which point you take a sharp knife (or a razor blade), slide a hole into the plastic and squeeze the goo out.

                              The powder pills (ANY powder pills...) don't work as well (And straight ginkgo in its powdered form is disgusting, by the way. Just so ya know).
                              Now a member of that alien race called Management.

                              Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.

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