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Humanity in Heat
The title suits the situation, though I'm sure several gutter rats around here would guffaw otherwise. 
I am the wageslave of Funland Parks*, which is like any other vaguely-named Park. Long lines, Summer heat, and short tempers. I, much like a flight attendant, must remind and help people stay safe during their ride. Naturally, that's not very easy when people are stupid, no?
Now, it gets even better. With all this heat, I work in Wet Ride*. A standard water ride where you get splashed in the end with a large water pool. There are no seat belts with a mild ride like this. And apparently no common sense with the people.
But I can't listen!
Usually, we have at least a couple other water rides open. This day they were closed, so we got everyone with so much as a sweatdrop coming in for a ride. It got so busy that we had to stop for a second to bring out some boats. Apparently some idjit thought that we were closing the ride indefinitely.
Me: Everyone! I have good news and bad news. The GOOD news is that we're getting more boats so everyone can get on faster! Unfortunately, you will have to wait a couple of minutes so that we can get the boats out for you.
SC: What?! WetterRide is closed, and now you want to close this one?! It's so hottt...
Me: Sir, we're only stopping for a second to get more boats! We're not closing the ride down.
SC: *glares but willingly shuts up*
Why try getting on a ride that's fun if you're in a terrible mood? I don't get it.
Hey! Listen! Hey!
We have a small box where you can put anything you don't want to bring with you on the ride, to the right of where we load people. We tell people this all the time, but sometimes they listen TOO well.
#1 Selective Blindness
SC: Where would I put this stuff? *holds large amounts of goodies*
Me: To your right, sir. There's a small box where you can put them for later.
SC:
*apparently doesn't see the narrow walkway to the box, and jumps across the freaking water to the other side!*
Me: Sir! Not across the water! It's down the path!
SC: Ohhh....*laughs as though it was no big deal and jumps across before I can get him a plank to cross with*
CW on radio: Why the heck did he cross?
Me: He didn't see the walkway and decided the box was ACROSS THE WATER. Not the brightest move.
Have some common sense! Why would we make it so that you have to go through a gauntlet of death to put away your things? We're not THAT exciting. I've had this happen at least twice on my shifts. They're all guys too, so I'm betting they're just trying to impress their girls.
#2 Wherin they all do it at the same time
Usually, when I remind people where to put their things before getting on, only a couple of people do it ahead of time. This time, EVERYONE decided to. The pathway is very close to the water. I mean, like, one little pile-up and they'd be falling into the water/empty boats. A woman also wants to go through and put away her things, but a darling group of teenagers are blocking it, just standing there until they get on the ride next. The problem? SHE was the one going on the ride now, so if they don't move their behinds, they won't ever get on. It's a vicious cycle of fail. So I try getting their attention.
Me: EXCUSE ME! PLEASE MOVE FROM THE WALKWAY. I KNOW EVERYONE WANTS TO PUT AWAY THEIR STUFF, BUT I NEED YOU TO MOVE BACK INTO THE LINE SO I CAN GET THIS RIDE GOING.
Everyone: *stands there, talking or blankly staring, wondering why the ride isn't going*
Me: GUYS! MOVE AWAY FROM THE WALKWAY!
Everyone: *still talking and staring*
CW: Jeeze. I'm using the speakers. 'EVERYBODY, PLEASE GET BACK IN LINE--'
Everyone: *still not moving~~~*
Eventually we got them moving, but only after I physically walked over to them and repeated it multiple times.
I'm so cool by breaking the rules!
We have employees watching every main part of the ride. Most people new to the ride don't know this, so as soon as they're out of our sight, they'll do everything they can to make the experience more 'extreme'. Here's what I've caught so far, illustrated as dance moves:
1. Free as a bird now; raising both hands and flipping the bird on each with a raucous shriek. Across the bend, I compliment them on how pretty their birds are. They are silent.
2. Ants in your pants; jumping up and down in your boat. Across the (not) abandoned bend? All I see is a blushing head buried in the seat.
3. I like to move it; purposely tilting the boat and not realizing that it will tip over if you do it enough. All I can really do is ask if they're being safe in a sweet, unknowing tone.
4. Flashy steps; take off your shirt and leave only your bathing suit top on, and have a friend hold the halter part of it. Just because you're going up a ramp doesn't mean I ignore it! I already see enough skin on this ride, and I'm sure the lady on the NEXT ramp will be happy to stop the ride to make sure you readjust your shirt.
I'm sure I'll get more dance grooves next time! Naturally, this isn't a good thing, but once they're on the ride, if they do something stupid that we said not to do, it's not our fault anymore.
Impulsive-Man!
We all know that you shouldn't jump into a moving boat. At all. Because the last thing anyone would want is to miscalculate, and end up being on the hood of the next one. Too bad someone did it anyway. These people really like trying to hurt themselves.
And the last bonus segment:
I'm not sure if this sucky on the parent's part, but their little girl really wanted to get on the boat, and I hadn't caught it yet on the brake. I gave a verbal warning, but before I could do it, her father had held her back some. When I got it braked a second later, he gave her a light shove and she panicked a little and let out a cry of surprise. He told her, "Do you want to get on NOW?". I'd be scared crapless if I was that kid, but I think it was good that he was teaching her some patience.
*Not the real name of the park or rides. This park has its people everywhere, so I'm going to be as vague as possible. If I said anything more, I'd really give it away.
I am the wageslave of Funland Parks*, which is like any other vaguely-named Park. Long lines, Summer heat, and short tempers. I, much like a flight attendant, must remind and help people stay safe during their ride. Naturally, that's not very easy when people are stupid, no?Now, it gets even better. With all this heat, I work in Wet Ride*. A standard water ride where you get splashed in the end with a large water pool. There are no seat belts with a mild ride like this. And apparently no common sense with the people.
But I can't listen!
Usually, we have at least a couple other water rides open. This day they were closed, so we got everyone with so much as a sweatdrop coming in for a ride. It got so busy that we had to stop for a second to bring out some boats. Apparently some idjit thought that we were closing the ride indefinitely.
Me: Everyone! I have good news and bad news. The GOOD news is that we're getting more boats so everyone can get on faster! Unfortunately, you will have to wait a couple of minutes so that we can get the boats out for you.
SC: What?! WetterRide is closed, and now you want to close this one?! It's so hottt...
Me: Sir, we're only stopping for a second to get more boats! We're not closing the ride down.
SC: *glares but willingly shuts up*
Why try getting on a ride that's fun if you're in a terrible mood? I don't get it.
Hey! Listen! Hey!
We have a small box where you can put anything you don't want to bring with you on the ride, to the right of where we load people. We tell people this all the time, but sometimes they listen TOO well.
#1 Selective Blindness
SC: Where would I put this stuff? *holds large amounts of goodies*
Me: To your right, sir. There's a small box where you can put them for later.
SC:
*apparently doesn't see the narrow walkway to the box, and jumps across the freaking water to the other side!*Me: Sir! Not across the water! It's down the path!
SC: Ohhh....*laughs as though it was no big deal and jumps across before I can get him a plank to cross with*
CW on radio: Why the heck did he cross?
Me: He didn't see the walkway and decided the box was ACROSS THE WATER. Not the brightest move.
Have some common sense! Why would we make it so that you have to go through a gauntlet of death to put away your things? We're not THAT exciting. I've had this happen at least twice on my shifts. They're all guys too, so I'm betting they're just trying to impress their girls.
#2 Wherin they all do it at the same time
Usually, when I remind people where to put their things before getting on, only a couple of people do it ahead of time. This time, EVERYONE decided to. The pathway is very close to the water. I mean, like, one little pile-up and they'd be falling into the water/empty boats. A woman also wants to go through and put away her things, but a darling group of teenagers are blocking it, just standing there until they get on the ride next. The problem? SHE was the one going on the ride now, so if they don't move their behinds, they won't ever get on. It's a vicious cycle of fail. So I try getting their attention.
Me: EXCUSE ME! PLEASE MOVE FROM THE WALKWAY. I KNOW EVERYONE WANTS TO PUT AWAY THEIR STUFF, BUT I NEED YOU TO MOVE BACK INTO THE LINE SO I CAN GET THIS RIDE GOING.
Everyone: *stands there, talking or blankly staring, wondering why the ride isn't going*
Me: GUYS! MOVE AWAY FROM THE WALKWAY!
Everyone: *still talking and staring*
CW: Jeeze. I'm using the speakers. 'EVERYBODY, PLEASE GET BACK IN LINE--'
Everyone: *still not moving~~~*
Eventually we got them moving, but only after I physically walked over to them and repeated it multiple times.
I'm so cool by breaking the rules!
We have employees watching every main part of the ride. Most people new to the ride don't know this, so as soon as they're out of our sight, they'll do everything they can to make the experience more 'extreme'. Here's what I've caught so far, illustrated as dance moves:
1. Free as a bird now; raising both hands and flipping the bird on each with a raucous shriek. Across the bend, I compliment them on how pretty their birds are. They are silent.
2. Ants in your pants; jumping up and down in your boat. Across the (not) abandoned bend? All I see is a blushing head buried in the seat.
3. I like to move it; purposely tilting the boat and not realizing that it will tip over if you do it enough. All I can really do is ask if they're being safe in a sweet, unknowing tone.
4. Flashy steps; take off your shirt and leave only your bathing suit top on, and have a friend hold the halter part of it. Just because you're going up a ramp doesn't mean I ignore it! I already see enough skin on this ride, and I'm sure the lady on the NEXT ramp will be happy to stop the ride to make sure you readjust your shirt.
I'm sure I'll get more dance grooves next time! Naturally, this isn't a good thing, but once they're on the ride, if they do something stupid that we said not to do, it's not our fault anymore.
Impulsive-Man!
We all know that you shouldn't jump into a moving boat. At all. Because the last thing anyone would want is to miscalculate, and end up being on the hood of the next one. Too bad someone did it anyway. These people really like trying to hurt themselves.
And the last bonus segment:
I'm not sure if this sucky on the parent's part, but their little girl really wanted to get on the boat, and I hadn't caught it yet on the brake. I gave a verbal warning, but before I could do it, her father had held her back some. When I got it braked a second later, he gave her a light shove and she panicked a little and let out a cry of surprise. He told her, "Do you want to get on NOW?". I'd be scared crapless if I was that kid, but I think it was good that he was teaching her some patience.
*Not the real name of the park or rides. This park has its people everywhere, so I'm going to be as vague as possible. If I said anything more, I'd really give it away.
Sometimes I think the adults are the only ones that don't know what 'for your safety' means.
to 
I think we should have it renamed to Idjit Land.
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