When we think one thing but must say another...

[lwb]

LOL! Exactly!! I don't do extra credit either. "Why should I give myself more work because you chose not to come to class or study?"

I've tried that explanation. The only response I get back? "But I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed it!"
I say: "I'm sorry, but no extra credit as stated in the syllabus."
Thinking: "I don't like you, you made a 5 on a multiple choice test where you left 19 out of 20 questions completely blank and then asked me why you scored so low? Take this class next term. From someone else. Please!"

[draftermatt]

Them: "I always have problems getting deliveries from you"
Me: "You know that's not true" or "I'm sorry you feel that way"

thinking: *Then why do you come back to us?*

Them: "Why don't you do..."
Me: "It's not in our contract"

thinking: *because my sub to do that would charge a ridiculous amount of money, and your boss would have never signed us up if we included that*

Them: "It's only a 90% chance of rain, why can't you deliver?"
Me: "Would you work all day in the rain and risk falling off the building?"

Yup, said that one many times.

[chainedbarista]

C: "Every time I come to this pharmacy there's a problem!"

yes, it starts with a 'y' and ends with a 'u.'

customers, can't love them OR kill them.

[Kristev]

Oh, I wish we could do something about customers.

[Sparky]

Customer: Can you get this beer here on the bottom of my cart
Me: Sure (walks around the checkout to lift it out)
Customer: Oh, I didn't know you needed it up.
*Thinking* I've almost got the mind reading thing down, but not the levitation thanyouverymuch!

Translation: Oh, I was asking if you could use a hand-held scanner, like they do in most other stores, while leaving the heavy items in the cart. If I had known you didn't have that capability, I would have lifted it myself and not asked you to do it.

[cinema guy]

C: "Is Meet the Spartans good?"
Me: "It is a lot of fun."
Thinks: "I'd rather pluck my eyes out with a rusty fork than watch it."

[trailerparkmedic]

C: "I had a problem that went away but I'm still going to call and demand you fix it."
Me: "I'll be happy to look into that."
Thinking: "I'm going to ignore your problem since it fixed itself and let you think I'm doing something magical behind the scenes."

C: "<thing> isn't working!11!11eleventy!!!1"
Me: "I'm very sorry for the inconvenience. Let me adjust <thing> for you. It will be working within <short timeframe>."
Thinking: "I wish I could tell people that the system is having horrible problems with <thing> and not have to take the blame."

C: "I'm not sure how <program that requires multiple restarts of the computer and several screens of user input> got installed on this computer that you specifically told me not to install it on!"
Me: "Computers can be funny things. Don't worry, I'll have it fixed today."
Thinking: "Do you REALLY think I'm that dumb?"

C: "My lab moved from one extra secure area to a new one. Now anyone can get into my lab with a gazillion dollars worth of equipment! Why didn't you set up the same security precautions on our new area?"
Me: "I'm sorry if there was miscommunication but we were never notified of your move. We normally have a 48 hour turn around time for this sort of thing but if you can get me <list of info> within <timeframe>, I'll have it done within a<timeframe>."
Thinking: "If I was psychic, I would be sitting at home living off my lottery winnings, not figuring out who was moving where. A gazillion dollars is nothing around here; I have a room that could take down the banking system if someone very bad got into it. And you're lucky that I've got an afternoon full of conference calls so I want something mindless to do."

This last one has really been getting on my nerves lately, since it has happened EVERY Monday (moves are on weekends) for the past two months.

[Dips]

C: "Strangely enough when I did what you said it started to work."
Me: "I'm glad to hear it. Thank you for letting me know."
Thinking: "Strange? You think it's strange when things work after you follow instructions? It's surprising anything you touch ever works."

[JLG]

ME......Next in line.

SC....."Can you do returns?"

ME.....Yes.

Thinking.....Well you are at the service desk and you just watched me do 5 returns in front of you.

[tropicsgoddess]

SC: I want a technician out to my house RIGHT NOW! (and this usually happens to be whenever the techs are not working their normal hours 8a-5pm)

Me: Mr./Mrs.SC, I apologize but the technicians only come out during normal business hours and I have no way of getting out a tech to your home at this time.

*Thinking*: What, you think I can magically make one come out here?!! Dumbass.

[mattm04]

C: Can I place a order for <day> *10 hours away*
Me: I;m sorry but we require 36 hours notice.
C: So no?
Me: yes.

Thinking: Yes, just like the 1st time 36 hours is not 10 hours.