Gilbert & Sullivan & A Strap-on ( Brace yourself, kids )

[BusBus]

I think it's time for me to stop drinking the tap water in this town....

[Caffienated_Caramel]

Queen of England with a strap on......Someone give me brain bleach. NOW!!

momentary off topic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hr0JUP6ZisQ&

;p

OMG reboot fan!

Back on topic.

Do you ever place bets with coworkers on who will have the most idiots by the end of the shift?

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Me: “And the address please?”
SC: “It’s on Fred's Road”
Me: “Fred's Road?”
SC: “Yeah, right up from Daphne's Road, Scooby's Road and whatever the rest are.”

Now while fact that the SC referred to his address as being on "Fred's Road" in a fashion that is at best unhelpful and at worst is about as sensible as as listening to a drunk and stoned chipmunk trying to recite from Hamlet...

I did live in an area where the streets were named after cartoon characters. Sadly I lived on Scrappy Doo Circle as a child. I was so glad my father got new orders and we moved to a more dignified street than one named after (what is my best guesstimate to be) Scooby and Velma's Love Child.

[Talon]

GK I laughed....LOUDLY at your opening part of the post....and the sad part is...I could hear that song perfectly in my head.

Seconded. And I immediately thought of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbQ-y589mx8

Ok so it's not a different version, but wait for the end. Perfect match for GK's callers

[Bobsentme]

First off:
You are brilliant. A genius.

That being said, I'm sorry to do this, but since nobody has yet to say it...


GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!
(I'll be hiding now)

[El Pollo Guerrera]

A Minor Set Back

SC: “I’m trying to install one of your things and I’ve had some…difficulties, and I need to order some replacement parts.”

Parts……as in plural? Yes, “difficulties” is a fair assessment of what events must have transpired. How did you lose and/or break multiple parts installing it anyhow?


SC: “The top piece of the frame that goes over the aluminum casing got damaged.”

Do tell.


SC: “It actually went airborne and hit the wall.”

Just went airborne did it? All by itself? Rather odd. I’ve read the product descriptions and the instruction manuals and no where do I recall reading “Warning: May Contain Magic”. I’m wagering that every component of our products is decidedly mundane until one utters the magic words: “MOTHER*(&@$ PIECE OF )&@%!”. At which point they may indeed gain the gift of flight.

Was it Deen from "Canada's Worst Handyman 5"? That's a question I can imagine him asking...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hr0JUP6ZisQ&

;p

Awesome. Also, I did not know that Long John Baldry was on "Reboot".

[Aisling]

I never realized strap-ons were acceptable pagan paraphernalia. I guess I need to go shopping...

[AccountingSlave]

lol.....that's too funny

[dalesys]

I never realized strap-ons were acceptable pagan paraphernalia. I guess I need to go shopping...

Forgotten the Harry Potter vibrating Quidditch Broom?

[Nixl]

Hawt Tips

SC: “Hey do you think the Queen rides around on a broom like all the other witches?”

……. what?


SC: “You know, since she doesn’t like the strap on dildo.”

….dude, no. Just…..no. Oh God. That doesn't even....I mean....do you mean she doesn't like wearing it, or doesn't like getting it? What, is it hard on her hips? What dots did you connect to come to that conclusion anyway? Wait, no, don’t tell me. The less I know of the methodology behind that statement the better. That’s already a mental image that’s going to keep me awake at night.

Hi! I'm new and joined for the sole purpose of explaining this, it may make it funnier and will most definitely make you never think of witches and brromsticks the same way again. Anywho, one needs to understand where the whole idea of "witches on broomsticks" comes from...

WAY back in good old tyrannically puritan New England no one was allowed to have any fun, ever. Seriously, it was literately viewed as giving into one's most base desires and denying God by simply being too happy. This however didn't stop teenagers from having normal teenage urges with regards to their maturing bodies.

So you would have these adolescent girls at home cleaning and what not while mom was out doing other chores or errands (assuming she lived through childbirth, considering the medicine of that time) and dad was out working or foraging or whatever. Every now and then one of these repressed, bored girls (remember no tv, no nothing and ONLY the bible to read, assuming you COULD read) would realize this:

If I take broomstick handle "B" and insert it into my slot "V" I will get the big "O"

What these girls didn't realize was that the tree sap used as resin to preserve their brooms was a powerful hallucinogenic that was readily absorbed through the vaginal walls. This caused severe hysteria, causing them to run around wildly midway their "fun" often times resulting in their prancing through the woods in various degrees of undress with the broom (they were WAY shorter back in the day) still inside.

Thus was born the modern myth of witches flying on broomsticks.

[Shalom]

I May Finally Have Snapped

Bravo, sir!

Hawt Tips

SC: “Hey do you think the Queen rides around on a broom like all the other witches?”
SC: “You know, since she doesn’t like the strap on dildo.”

….dude, no. Just…..no. Oh God.

This guy must be a Usenet text porn old-timer.

(Highlight for enlightenment: He's talking about a scene in "Dorothy Does Oz" part 9, a classic work of erotica written sometime around 1996 by one Shelby Bush and posted to alt.sex.stories. Unfortunately DejaNews didn't save alt.* from that period, so Google Groups doesn't have it, but there's a copy at ASSTR.)

I wonder what it sys about me that I know that...

[Exaspera]

I swear you need to publish a book or a story, or something! This is wonderful reading.

[Aisling]

Forgotten the Harry Potter vibrating Quidditch Broom?

Fortunately for me, there's a world of difference between being a pagan and anything to do with Harry Potter.

[Jester]

I May Finally Have Snapped

THIS. This....is.....AWESOME!

You have not stared into the eyes of the soulless drudges that call at all hours.

Technically speaking, neither have you, my friend. Not unless your call center is now employing video phones, and you have somehow failed to mentioned this to us.

I did not, however, expect the thought “Did a biker with a nail gun just walk past me?” to cross my mind. Also, the answer to the question was yes. I do not know why he had a nailgun at 11pm on the Skytrain, and I do not wish to know why for asking the question would likely get said nailgun applied to me.

Crazy thought--might he just be doing some work on his house? A nail gun would seem appropriate for that, don't you think? Even bikers occasionally feel the need to spruce up their living quarters, you know.

At least, that would be MY assumption. And as long as said nail gun-toting biker wasn't seeking ME out, I would be very happy with that assumption.

SC: “Are they drawn electronically, or are they all put in a barrel? Cus if it’s a barrel you get more chances if you have more tickets. But if its electronic you don’t.”

The odds will remain a constant unless one of three things occur: The total amount of tickets changes, the total number of prizes changes or the total amount of tickets sold does not end up meeting the total amount of tickets available.

I'm afraid that both of you are incorrect.

First the SC: the method of drawing does not in any way affect the odds, whether it be hand-in-a-barrel, ping pong ball-in-in-a-tumbler, or electronic.

But you also are wrong, my friend. There is one way that someone can immediately affect the odds, and in their favor. It's very simple: buy more tickets.

Sure, the odds are still infinitesimal. But mathematically speaking, the more tickets you buy, the better your odds. For example, if you have one ticket, and there are a million tickets purchased, you have a 1 in 1,000,000 chance of winning. If, however, you have ten tickets and there are a million tickets purchased, you have a 10 in 1,000,000--or, simplified, 1 in 100,000--chance of winning.

The one thing that doesn't change, though, is the idiocy of your callers. There is a 1 in 1 chance that they are going to continue to be braindead troglodytes. And good luck with that!

Please, sir. As I said, I do not speak “Asshole”. English only if you would be so kind.

I, on the other hand, DO speak Asshole. I am quite fluent in it, actually. Not only from being an Asshole from time to time, but from my dealings with the drunken masses as a bartender. So if you ever need help translating, just let me know.

Although, I’m a bit disturbed this happens so often the police actually have an average estimate for how long it takes to drag some moron off the tracks.

There are really two possibilities here. One, this thing does happen often enough where they know about how long it will take. Two, they are simply guessing, with no actual evidence, experience, or science to back them up. Sort of like when the restaurant hostess tells you it will be "about twenty minutes." News flash, folks: she's guessing. Hoping, too, but mostly guessing.

Another version of that:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bj0iJtgHOCI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hr0JUP6ZisQ&

;p

You two are shameless. And you got me thinking. One of those internet "rules." Yes, yes....there simply HAD to be something with Doctor Who and Gilbert and Sullivan all rolled into one, right?

Right. Took me all of 3 seconds to find this nonsense. Have fun, kids!

I did live in an area where the streets were named after cartoon characters. Sadly I lived on Scrappy Doo Circle as a child.

I have to say, the most embarrassing street name I ever lived on was my very first address after I moved out of my parents' place. And while I have lived in many places, on many streets, with many names, never before or since have I been so embarrassed to tell people the name of the street I lived on:

Clambake. Yes, Clambake.

Technically it is listed on Mapquest as "Clambake Bay Court," But I swear it was just "Clambake Court" when I lived there. And since the typical Phoenix convention is to leave off the designation when talking about a street*, such as saying "Central" instead of "Central Avenue," I was forced to tell people that I lived on "Clambake." Luckily I only lived there for a few months.

*(The only exception to this convention is when one must distinguish between two similarly named streets, such as "University Drive" and "University Lane.")

This caused severe hysteria, causing them to run around wildly midway their "fun" often times resulting in their prancing through the woods in various degrees of undress with the broom (they were WAY shorter back in the day) still inside.

Thus was born the modern myth of witches flying on broomsticks.

I have no idea how much truth there is to your story, but the mental image along is very entertaining!

[AccountingDrone]

Hi! I'm new and joined for the sole purpose of explaining this, it may make it funnier and will most definitely make you never think of witches and brromsticks the same way again. Anywho, one needs to understand where the whole idea of "witches on broomsticks" comes from...

WAY back in good old tyrannically puritan New England no one was allowed to have any fun, ever. Seriously, it was literately viewed as giving into one's most base desires and denying God by simply being too happy. This however didn't stop teenagers from having normal teenage urges with regards to their maturing bodies.

So you would have these adolescent girls at home cleaning and what not while mom was out doing other chores or errands (assuming she lived through childbirth, considering the medicine of that time) and dad was out working or foraging or whatever. Every now and then one of these repressed, bored girls (remember no tv, no nothing and ONLY the bible to read, assuming you COULD read) would realize this:

If I take broomstick handle "B" and insert it into my slot "V" I will get the big "O"

What these girls didn't realize was that the tree sap used as resin to preserve their brooms was a powerful hallucinogenic that was readily absorbed through the vaginal walls. This caused severe hysteria, causing them to run around wildly midway their "fun" often times resulting in their prancing through the woods in various degrees of undress with the broom (they were WAY shorter back in the day) still inside.

Thus was born the modern myth of witches flying on broomsticks.

No. Unless the US was settled in the 1300s ....

http://scienceblogs.com/terrasig/200...ches_and_b.php

Just how did the alleged witches apply said ointments? The earliest clue comes from a 1324 investigation of Lady Alice Kyteler:

"In rifleing the closet of the ladie, they found a pipe of oyntment, wherewith she greased a staffe, upon which she ambled and galloped through thick and thin." And from the fifteenth-century records of Jordanes de Bergamo: 'But the vulgar believe, and the witches confess, that on certain days or nights they anoint a staff and ride on it to the appointed place or anoint themselves under the arms and in other hairy places.' It also explains why so many of the pictures of the time depict partially clothed (or naked) witches astride their broomsticks."

and this is the research it comes from.

Witchcraft is much older than the new world. The whole Salem misheveh came about at pretty much the last gasp of the witchcraft troubles.