Shaking with Awesomeness. And some fear.

[ShadowTiger]

So the other day (Which is code for "Sometime within this lifetime.") I had a customer who wanted a Car Chip Key. (I still work at a Hardware store cutting keys.) Great. We go through the usual Schpiel, "It's $80, okay? Great. Wait here while I ask my Manager for the blanks, because they're kept in the office. Okay, great, here we are. Now go pay for these boxes while I encode the security code onto them here, then I'll meet you back at the key desk and you'll show me the receipt and I'll cut the keys."

But after that, he has the balls (Oh so many balls...) to ask "And you guarantee these will work?"

To which I reply "Aye sir, these are the right blanks, yes."

Him: "No, that was not the question I had asked. Do you guarantee me that these keys will work?"


So at this point, I'm like, ... ... come on, I'm a human being, for the most part. My machine doesn't do it automatically. I make mistakes just like everyone else, though statistically speaking, I make some pretty damn freaking epic keys. o.o! So I can't make any promises. I don't want to say "Yes, I -will- make them perfectly" and then they don't work, despite my belief that they will certainly work. (I'd looked at the key grooves, and everything checked out just fine.)

So I reply "Well sir, being the keycutter here with the statistically greatest track record, I believe I can assure you that you will like the results." Neutral enough.

Not for him! ^_^ Nope. Otherwise there wouldn't be a thread about it.

Him: "That's not good enough! I want you to promise me that these keys will work!!"





... ...




... oooookay. Right.



Me: "My good sir I do of course promise you that I will do my best and (Interrupted)

Him: "NO! You WILL PROMISE ME That these keys will work! I don't care if you're the best keymaker here! I paid a lot of money for these keys and they had better damn work! Now are you going to make me keys that work or not!?"

*snap*

Me: "Perhaps earlier, yes, but now I can no longer make you these keys. You have made me so nervous that my hands are shaking. When my hands shake, the quality of my keys suffer. Feel free to try asking anyone else, like this guy here *Motions toward the guy next to me who doesn't know how to make keys very well* I think he knows how to make this chip key." (Nobody else in the building had ever made a chip key before.)

And then I walk away and went on break. Pretty much had to. No idea what happened next, other than the other customers at the counter bursting into laughter, but after all this time, I'm still alive, so yay.

[Mr Hero]

Are you the Keymaster?

[ShadowTiger]

Are you the Keymaster?

I made half the keys in my store. I am the Boss Key. Because of me, we can bomb some Dodongos!

[r2cagle]

Mr Hero...we can't call them...

[EricKei]

Dodongos dislike smoke. It's a secret to everyone.

Etc. ^_^

[Sterlingbond]

I'm the gatekeeper...

[Racket_Man]

Are you the Keymaster?

Only if you are a HOT babe who can levitate and talk in a verty deep voice.

[Tama]

But you need a SPECIAL BAG to bomb Dodongos!

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

<shudder>

That brings up repressed memories.

While working at an Auto Parts Store, I had to make keys. Never had to make a copy of a chip-coded key nor one of those weird ass keys where the groves are carved in to the sides of the key, but normal keys made by me many times.

We had a customer like that. Wanted a guarantee that the $3.99 Dale "Little E" Earnhart JR Nascar key was cut correctly.

I informed him that the machine has a nearly 100% success rate (really, those cartridge systems are damn near idiot proof) and should a key fail to work that he could bring it back and we would cut him a new one at no additional charge.

Not good enough. He was screaming that unless I could guarantee that the key I was making for the car parked in front of our store (as in walk 10 feet from door to car) didn't work the first time, he was going to call the better business bureau.

I told him that such a guarantee was not possible and that if the "If we shag it up we'll make you as many as it takes to get it right" guarantee I offered wasn't enough, we couldn't make him his keys.

He didn't get his "Little E" key that day.

Often wonder if he called the BBB and what they told him and his unreasonable demands.

[Magpie]

...should a key fail to work that he could bring it back and we would cut him a new one at no additional charge.

That sounds like a guarantee to me... "you pay once and you will get a key that works".

[EricKei]

Only if you are a HOT babe who can levitate and talk in a very deep voice.

She sleeps above the covers...THREE FEET above the covers!

...Damn, she was hot in that...>_>

That sounds like a guarantee to me... "you pay once and you will get a key that works".

Yeah, same here ^_^

What the hell, let's mix a couple of tangents here...

So, what yer saying is, they guy wanted one of those keys from Zelda that will open any door, anywhere, on the first try? ^_^

[JustaCashier]

Like Mongo, I seem to have some repressed memory of something like that happening.

Only thing is, it's embedded so well, I don't remember if it was a key, (which I would not have made. I was a cashier) or something else at the hardware store, or......

The other option, would have been at the photo processing place. (We didn't process in house, we sent all rolls down to our lab). If it was there, the customer may have wanted a promise on processing quality, or turn around time.

Either way, I fucking hate that shit!

You try to be honest, and say you can't guarantee it, (and in either of my cases the actual process wasn't in my control, since I wasn't cutting the key, or processing the roll of film, or whatever).

So, either way you're screwed. You don't want to promise, on that one in a million chance the new key would not work, because there will be unholy hell to pay if that does happen, and if you state you can't guarantee it, the son of a bitch will keep hounding you until if and when you give in and promise.

Mike

[Darkforge]

well thats the thing, you can't make that guarantee, after all an earthquake might hit while you're making the key, cutting it wrong, or a lightning bolt might hit the car and melt part of the lock, or any number of other acts that cannot be guaranteed.

people need to learn that the only things you can guarantee to are accompanied by so many terms and conditions that its not really much of a guarantee in the first place.

next time try saying "well, barring acts of god or similar, yes i guarantee it", the "or similar" includes machine or human error.

[searssoulslave]

I get this sometimes when I'm about to do watch batteries. People want me to GUARANTEE that I will absolutely not scratch their watch. Most of the time I don't; I've been at this for three years so I'm fairly competent at what I do. But I can't act like I'm perfect. I wonder why people seem to think that just because I said I'll guarantee not to do it means they can hold me to that. Because you know I'm awesome and whatever I say will be forced into being.