Things I don't like hearing

[chickengirl]

Couple of tidbits from today.

Writing these down for later gives me something to do!

1. Okay, but only if you let me ANSWER IT!

After setting up a payment arrangement:

SC: Can I ask you a question? How come every time you guys call us we get two calls back to back? My other line is ringing right now!
Me: Do you guys--
SC: It's so annoying!
Me: Do--
SC: Well, the check's in the mail. Bye. (click)

I was trying to ask if they have more than one wireless account. If they do, and they're both past due, then yep, we're gonna call both of them, and the dialer will probably get to them both at the same time. There is a very simple way to avoid this occurrence, but it involves paying your bills on time, so most SC's wouldn't be able to handle it.

2. Hello, police?

Customer: I'll have to take a message because our AP person is out on a bridal shoot. We're photographers. I know that sounds like we're murdering a bride or something...

You know, it actually didn't... until you said that...

Things I don't like hearing

*"You never sent me a bill!"

Yes, we did, unless the billing address is wrong (most likely your fault) or the billing parameters are fuxed up (our fault) or the postal service screwed up (Uncle Sam's fault) but for fuck's sake, why would we deliberately not send you a bill? And then you get the people who seem to think that if their bill got lost in the mail, that means that month's service is free... nice try, but that's not really how it works...

*"How can I be past due already? I just paid you guys TWO MONTHS AGO!"

I get this several times a week. In all seriousness. America's small business owners, everyone.

*"How can I be past due? I just paid you guys LAST WEEK!"

Yeah, but you only paid $50 on a $1000 balance...

*"You guys are charging me wrong!" or "This phone doesn't work!" or "I was supposed to get credits for that amount!" or myriad other issues that my department doesn't handle

Customers generally are not sucky in having these complaints. What sucks is that the only thing I can do about it is refer them to their account rep or customer service, who they may or may not have ALREADY contacted about this problem, and who may or may not ACTUALLY DO THEIR FREAKING JOBS.

Finally.

*FAX MACHINE NOISE.

It's not clever. It's not nice. It won't stop me from calling you. SO KNOCK IT OFF!

[Willis]

Finally.

*FAX MACHINE NOISE.

It's not clever. It's not nice. It won't stop me from calling you. SO KNOCK IT OFF!

Oh man Even though it isn't nice this one is classic, especially when the person making the sound sucks at it.

[EricKei]

You're serious. There are people out there who fake FAX machine noises.







*knocks his SAN and Faith-In-Humanity meters down a notch apiece*

[chickengirl]

I haven't heard anyone try to fake it yet. I'm talking about actual fax machines.

[Willis]

I've heard people fake the sound. The whole static noise while saying "You're breaking up", "I can't hear you" -click- I have friends from college who've done that to dodge reps from student loan companies.

[EricKei]

I suspected that one of you might be talking about the one and the other, about the other...^_^

Either way, it's foul.

[kdruboen]

Fax

I'm sorry this offends you. However, if you happen to call my number ( no matter how many times) you will always hear the dreaded fax noise. This is because that particular line is my fax line.

[Jack]

Is this an end-user mobile phone company? I've never heard of one that calls people about overdue bills, they just cut off the service.

[Automan Empire]

Before DSL, I was proficient at whistling modem-sounds to hold the line until the slow BBS system picked up. But I've never mouthed a fax tone, especially to a human.

[chickengirl]

I'm sorry this offends you. However, if you happen to call my number ( no matter how many times) you will always hear the dreaded fax noise. This is because that particular line is my fax line.

Then don't give people that number as the contact number for your business.

Is this an end-user mobile phone company? I've never heard of one that calls people about overdue bills, they just cut off the service.

I work for one of the big cell service carriers. Some of our accounts are businesses (both large and small). I deal with small businesses.

Our consumer customers get automated calls, the businesses get humans. We could just shut them off as soon as they go past due, but we would rather not. A vanishingly small amount of the customers we talk to actually get this. (it doesn't help that we -- i admit -- hound them about it for days on end.)

[Andara Bledin]

And then you get the people who seem to think that if their bill got lost in the mail, that means that month's service is free... nice try, but that's not really how it works...

Gah! I hate those people!

We have a customer that used to have discount terms if they paid early. Well, they're lazy and stupid and would ignore the fact that they owed anything at all if they didn't get an invoice, and then pay based on the date they received the invoice when they know the pay date is due based on the date of the invoice itself. And then they'd take the discount, even if they paid late! So, we took it away from them. They whined about it and we said, "tough, you should have followed the rules like everyone else."

I've heard people fake the sound. The whole static noise while saying "You're breaking up", "I can't hear you" -click- I have friends from college who've done that to dodge reps from student loan companies.

The best way to "fake it" is just to talk like normal and in the middle of speaking, quietly press the button with your hand.

I've only done that a couple of times, and in both cases, the actual business portion of the call was done, but the other person wouldn't shut the hell up and let me get on with my work.

Our consumer customers get automated calls, the businesses get humans. We could just shut them off as soon as they go past due, but we would rather not.

Well, you obviously don't work for the AT&T division that handle's my workplace's business account. They have this really annoying habit of shutting our lines down with no warning and for no reason anyone on their end can even come up with.

Then again, this is the company that had a credit of $25,000 on their books for us that mysteriously turned into a $5,000 credit, and again, nobody on their end had any fxcking clue what the hell was going on.

Word of warning: If you get an AT&T account, do it directly and don't go through a rep. Because AT&T will do everything in their power (including just ignoring it entirely) to fail to do anything they don't like on the contract you signed up for. It's now 2.5 years and counting that AT&T has failed to do anything to abide by the contract we have with them, and they blame it all on a rep that they empowered to act on their behalf.

The only good part to the whole story is that because of this whole massive screwup, we actually discovered that we'd been billed for lines that didn't physically exist (even though we were told they did, and they should have been there) as well as lines that were going to a company on another part of our street (who were also paying for them) for the last who knows how many years. Every person we've managed to deal with has been completely incompetent and they've tried to blame all of the technical problems on anyone other than them before quietly fixing them later on.

^-.-^