Best. Heist. Ever.

[Zoe Hates You]

Not my story, but my friend works at the convenience store next door.

My friend was manning the counter when three guys came in last week. Two went to the coolers in back and the third went to the front counter to ask for directions. We are in a suburb within walking distance from another suburb, and the suburb next to us is a pretty big college town that everyone knows and is hard to miss.

Guy: How do you get to [suburb next to ours]?

My friend: Um, drive about a mile. [points] That way.

Guy: I need more specific directions than that.

Then, at the appointed signal, the two dudes grab things from the cooler and bolt out the door along with their directions-asking friend.

What, do you ask, was taken, between all three guys?

Two four-packs (about 10-oz each bottles) of strawberry wine cooler and a Mike's Hard Lemonade.

[Exaspera]

Weenies. For their GFs maybe?

[Jester]

Why does this sound extraordinarily like my hometown, which rhymes with Hem Key?

[EvilEmpryss]

Man, are those guys going to be embarrassed when they get caught and their write-up in the paper lists what they stole. They'll never live it down.

[Zoe Hates You]

Why does this sound extraordinarily like my hometown, which rhymes with Hem Key?

Methinks we are neighbors... I live in Snot's Jail.

[Jester]

Not quite neighbors. That's my home town, and I hope to move back there some time soon, but at the moment I am "stranded" in Key West, Florida. I know, I know....it's rough, but somehow I'm managing.

[Shalom]

Man, are those guys going to be embarrassed when they get caught and their write-up in the paper lists what they stole. They'll never live it down.

My dad used to work for a place that made schlock jewelry, you know Cubic Zirconias and micron-thick gold plating, that kind of stuff. One real genius of a burglar breaks into the place, cutting through bars on the window, and stole a lot of what looked like real expensive stuff. Then he got caught. My father's boss had to go down to the station to identify his goods...

Cop: "So is this your stuff?"
Boss: "Yeah, those are our necklaces, bracelets, etc."
Cop: "How much you figure it's worth?"
Boss: "Well the necklaces wholesale for about $24 a dozen..."
Thief:

[XCashier]

When I worked at the Novelty Store, a shoplifter ran out with an inflatable doll. I wish I could've nabbed him, it would've been great to call him out in front of everyone in the mall!