The Projectile Vomit Sniper

[Noelegy]

They also didn't pay me enough to perform any jobs requiring me to wear rubber gloves. I made that abundantly clear early on.

I remember thinking there was something seriously amiss when they gave us REQUIRED hazmat training at the book/music/video store.

[XCashier]

One day during my hospital job, I had just brought an elderly woman back to her room and gotten her settled back in her bed. She was trying to say something, but it was nearly inaudible. I leaned in to hear her better, and she said, "I'm going to be sick," and immediately projectile-vomited. I turned my head in time to avoid a face-full of puke, but it was all over my hair. I had to go to my coworker's house to shampoo it out, as there were no hair-cleaning products available for my use there. From that day on, I kept a small bottle of shampoo in my locker.

(Though I do wonder why the hospital, of all places, didn't have any sort of emergency clean-up kit; surely I'm not the only one who's ever had someone chunder into her hair?)

[Rahmota]

One of the joys about being a detailer at the car lot was getting those cars that had been puked in, crapped in, or birthed in (yes we ad a car that had had a person give birth in it) or otherwise biohazarded.

Hit some of that stuff with the normal carpet shampooer and all it did was freashen up the smell. No matter if it had been vacuumed up or what before. Fortunately most of the cars where not too bad. Mainly the momyvans with the diapers and kiddies.

Then there was the Durango of Doom. I swear someone used it for a dog kennel as there was dog doo and hair and pee and fleas and goo all over the interior of the vehicle. It is not a good sign when a 250# biker mechanic goes to get into a vehcile and pukes. It came on the lot and I put that off for about 3 weeks before they finally said get it done somehow they didnt care how.

Ever want to see what a 4000psi pressure washer can do to a car interior? its fun. The amount of soap and bleach I used turned the orginal blue interior into gray and it took about 4 days to dry out with everythign open but it was cleaned out. And amazingly enough it still ran. You know that was the last time the manager told me to get somethign done and he didnt care how it got done

[Der Cute]

Dude, thats funny..

A big hairy biker guy sticking his head into a van then turning and ralphing.

Most of the time tho...bikers are big teddy bears.

Cutenoob

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I had a boss back at public TV who's wife's car got stolen. It was gone all summer.

They found it in Lousianna with a sucide in it. He'd been in it pretty much all summer. He was pretty much permanently part of the car, at that point.

The insurance people actually tried to get my boss to have it cleaned and take it back.

He told them there was NO FKING WAY ON GOD'S SWEET EARTH.

I'm pretty sure those were his exact words.

Ick.

[DesignFox]

Kinkoid- I cannot even believe they would expect the car to be taken back! That is just horrible!

[HalloranElder]

Mythbusters did a show about this one time.

The put a pig carcass in a car and sealed it up (since pig flesh and human flesh is very similar) and afterwards tried to clean the car.

Impossible. From what they could work out, the smell actually permeated into the plastic in the car, making it permanent. The only way they could have "cleaned" the car would have been to remove every piece of plastic, carpet, vinyl, etc, and replace it.

Easier (and cheaper) to replace the car.

[Buglady]

I've been guilty of an in-store upchuck... I had a tummy bug, my husband was out of town, and I *thought* I was feeling well enough to go grab some ginger ale at Safeway. Bad call.

In my defense, I knew exactly where the store washroom was and made a beeline for it - but some horrid woman was in there taking forever (I heard the flush as I got to the door, and SIX MINUTES LATER she came out - I'd knocked and said "I'm really sorry but I'm about to be ill, can you rush please?" and she said NO!!). Too late by then unfortunately. I apologised profusely to the staff!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, you know how insurance companies are. If they can get out of paying, they will. But I'm pretty sure my boss got his money.

It's just not reasonable to expect someone to drive a car that had that happen to it, regardless of if they could clean it or not.

I mean, really. My parents had a cooler full of boiled crabs leak a little on the carpet in their van once. That smell NEVER came out.


Here's a funny story about why my husband has a weird obsession with always locking the bathroom door, even when he's home, and even when nobody is going to walk in on him.

High School. Small, one room bathroom. He walks into the bathroom, drops his drawers, and sits on the can. Door flies open, idiot coach walks in and starts washing his hands.

Idiot Coach:"Oh, hi there, J, ready for the game tomorrow?
J: Uuuh....

Door flies open again. Every school has a perpetually sick kid. The School Sick Kid comes running in and looks around. Sees J sitting on throne with pants around ankles.

SSK: Ah, shit. (proceeds to projectile vomit all over the room.)

J and Idiot Coach:

I can kind of see where that might trigger some neurosis.

[XCashier]

One of the joys about being a detailer at the car lot was getting those cars that had been puked in, crapped in, or birthed in (yes we ad a car that had had a person give birth in it) or otherwise biohazarded.

Those companies that do cleanup after a murder/crime scene, wonder if they can tell you what stuff to use and/or get you a drum of it? Or maybe you could get a contract with them to clean the pukey/crappy/bloody cars?

[Tria]

Which just goes to show you... do it enough, and it becomes a science (I don't dare call this an art form ).

Yanno, balogna and cheese sandwiches, cherry kool-aid and cheese curls projectiled almost makes a painted sunset. Disurbingly pretty.

This has been your disgusting random trivia for the day.

[Rahmota]

Cutenoob: You know something I think that Teddy Bear was his actual nickname,just only if you where a friend. Cause he was about 6' and chubby and looked like the lost 4th member of zztop. Growled a lot but was cool as long as you didnt push too far.

And yeah it was funny but we knew we had a problem when the guy who has seen and done a lot has that reaction.

Kinkoid: I am not surprised at the insurance company. Glad they where able to fight it. Like Mythbusters showed and the elder said once a body rots in a car there is no way to get that smell out. You'd have to strip the whole thing ac, conduit, heater core, interior all down to bare metal and start over rebuilding the car.

Xcashier: Actually we used the same stuff as most of it is off the shelf. Chlorine bleach, lye, and meat tenderizer where the most used though we had this stuff that was supposed to be active enzymes that didnt do crud. And I'd use a spray bottle of isopropyl 70% to mist the interior of some cars as well as lysol. I was so glad we had a dollar tree right down the street from us. As for a contract why would the dealership wanna pay out for that kind of stuff when they could get us sappy in house guys to do the same thing.