Condom Man

[Sheldonrs]

... Just one word, and that's all I'm going to say.

Maggots.

I rest my case.

Is that a derogatory term for gay caterpillers?

[Seraph]

Is that a derogatory term for gay caterpillers?

Of chrysalis?




<hides> That was a bad one. I fully accept responsibilities and any rotten veggies thrown my way.

[Stryker One]

Are you sure about that?

Is it bad that I read the thread title in the tone of the commercial opening? Trojan Maaaaan!

You're nicer than me, OP, when I'd get dirty phone calls, I'd either start talking about my period cramps and even grosser details of being female.

I do not care who you are, when it comes down to it, a female can out-perv and out-gross any man.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you..._colostomy_bag

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you..._colostomy_bag

Some people will have sex with anything.

[dalesys]

Is that a derogatory term for gay caterpillers?

Those are cater-mites.

[Mr Hero]

Is that a derogatory term for gay caterpillers?

Kinda makes you wonder if there's gay porn based off the Human Centapede.

[zzapp the witch]

I grew up volunteering in a VA hospital. I have been pissed, shit AND puked on, all by different people, whom I did not know, all at the same time. I don't smoke, drink, have casual sex, or do drugs because I sat in on a lot of autopsies. I know what you look like on the inside. Also, I have a hard time eating Jello. I have seen bums come in so dirty that we have to literally take a SPATULA and scrape off INCHES of body grease, dirt, bugs, dead bugs, what might have been a dead mouse in his hair, etc. etc. etc. It clogged up the drain. The smell of putrefying skin is amazing. I have helped remove maggots eating a man's legs and arms, I have helped dig out toenails roughly 1/4 inch thick that had curled down into the bottom's of a bum's feet. One guy had an open hole in his side that the doc thought would "be a good experience for me." I got to see living organs through that seeping hole.

I have smelled death. I have smelled putrefaction. I know what a human body smells like that's been in the heat so long it popped. I have smelled and have seen what fire does to some idgit that can't quit smoking while he's on fucking oxygen.

And I never once puked.

My dad once suggested that I become a paramedic, but adrenaline makes me jittery. Have been thinking about going into physical therapy (and I daydream about making cybernetic parts for ppl, muahahahaha!)

Maggots are nuthin.

Edited to add: And the body that popped? Guess who had to sweep up and chase down all those damned maggots! Took all day.

[ExRetailDrone]

When I saw the thread title, all I could think of was a silly song I heard years ago on some radio show, "Condom Man" sung to the Spiderman theme song. Wish I could remember the lyrics!

I found this. Anything similar, or the one you're thinking of?

My husband said they did a really good job at getting very close to the 60s Spiderman theme

[PepperElf]

my mom had classic responses...

Obscene phone call: I don't know how old the caller was but... he didn't actually know how to pronounce some (most?) of the sexual phrases he was trying to suggest. Mom told him to get a dictionary. He hung up quickly.


Streakers: Neighbor's daughter had guys over who started streaking the area. Mom went out to talk to them about it. They thought she was offended (so it made them proud) until Mom explained two things...

1) She didn't want my sister exposed to it. (I was either not born yet or too young to notice)

2) She'd been to a skiing party with Dad and one of his buddies decided to streak. On the slopes. In winter. Natural redhead. So... it'll take a bit more than summer-streaking to shock her.


i think that was the last time they streaked the street.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Sicko"How much are your Magnums"?
Me " 4.95 for 3"
Sicko(Breathing heavily) " Will they fit me, I'm 12 inches hard".
Me( Yawns loudly)" I'm sorry sir I just started the graveyard shift and can't stop yawning, what did you ask"?
Sicko "Will they fit me I'm 12 inches hard"
Me " Yes sir they will more then fit your 2 inches".

Excellent pwnage. I was expecting to read something like this:

Sicko(Breathing heavily) "Will they fit me, I'm 12 inches hard".
Me( Yawns loudly) "Yes, we have the medium size in stock."

[Taboo]

Kinda makes you wonder if there's gay porn based off the Human Centapede.

There's a porno called "The Human Sexipede" in production, but it has two women and one guy. So... close? I would look further, but I stumbled across some porn of certain male anatomy with centipede legs swarming women, so I need to go bleach my face now.

Anyway, excellent pwnage indeed!

[RetailWorkhorse]

Sicko "Will they fit me I'm 12 inches hard"

RW: Kinda short, ain'cha?

Maggots.

Pop when fried in grease.

And I never once puked.

*Claps*