The Art Of Seduction

[MoonCat]

I popped a bag of popcorn before sitting down to read this. Hey, it beats everything on TV!

Me: “Good evening, <my actual company>, how may I help you?”
SC: “Is this a telephone company?”
Me: “.....Yes?”
SC: “You’re not a massage parlour too?”
Me: “…..No”

Maybe in her mind, "call center" = 900 sex chat line/escort service? Wait, maybe you should hook her up with this one:

Me: “Good evening, <company>, how may I help you?”
C: “Hi!”
Me: “Hi.”
C: “Would you like to have sex with me?”
Me: “Not particularly, no.”
C: “Not particularly?! <To background> I ask em and he goes NO?!”
Me: “………”
C: “What about now?”
Me: “No.”
C: “Well, what about now?”
Me: “No.”

Nothing like letting half a second go by to see if the object of your affection has changed his mind.

I am sure there are any number of inanimate objects around on the street that lack the ability to refuse your advances. Benches, lamp posts, waste bins, bus stops, possibly a Starbucks. Just try to avoid cars as you’d likely set off an alarm.

Really, you don't sound too picky at this point so just close your eyes, pick something and wrap your legs around it.

I'll never look at Starbucks in the same way again. Or at least I won't touch the door handle without rubber gloves.

[Ironclad Alibi]

C: “Would you like to have sex with me?”
Me: “Not particularly, no.”

I am also not being “rude” by asking you to actually explain the problem you’re having instead of blindly sending the maintenance guy to your suite.

Well, since you didn't want to, she thought she would have better luck with the maintenance man, but wanted to make the offer in person this time.

[superhotelworker]

Grave, as one of your nice fangirls (well, those of us on here are nice), I give you this:

I'm sorry that your sorority girl was odd.
and Yes, SC time is off. I swear, some of them are travelling with the man in a blue phone box.

[Mikkel]

Kheldarson pointed out to me that it's hardly surprising that GK was propositioned on the phone. What is surprising is that he was propositioned as a man, considering the number of times callers have mistaken him for female.

Probably he has a voice so seductive that anyone will think that he is the gender of their dreams .

[Jester]

There are not words, some days.

Every day has words. Whether or not we can find them in our brains is another matter entirely!

Hopefully, the morning staff can one day find it in their hearts to forgive me.

So unlike you, the morning staff still has functional cardiac muscles? Are the overnight callers that much worse than the daytime callers?

I knew I should have bought more than a 6 pack of Coke Zero on my way in tonight.

Yeah, like maybe a bottle of rum to go with that Coke Zero. Just a suggestion....

Also, he went to Canada on a one way ticket on a brand new passport...

If you show up in Canada on a one way ticket with an invalid passport...

Okay, I'm confused. Did he have a brand new passport or not? And if so, why was it invalid? Either I am missing something here--very possible, as I'm really not all that bright--or you left some relevant details out. Please elaborate, good sir.

You have lessened all that you have touched.

Sounds disturbingly like an ex-girlfriend of mine.....

Whenever and if ever you remember why you touched the phone, I’ll be here.

And yet you claim to not be a phone sex line.....?

You really might want to reconsider your phraseology here, GK. Just a thought, considering some of your more colorful callers.

C: “What about now?”
Me: “No.”
C: “Well, what about now?”
Me: “No.”

We have all had customers like this.

"Can I get a free beer?" No. "What about now?" Still no. "Now?" Again, no.

Apparently some people think that we are so far down on the evolutionary ladder that our brains cannot store short-term memories. From 2 seconds ago. And thus, if they keep asking, eventually they will get a different answer.

Actually, this last part is at least partially true. Because eventually I will change my answer from "No" to "It's time for you to leave the bar."

"If your standards are truly so low that you’re aiming for “Anyone that will pick up a phone” as potential mate material you may find you’ll have better luck just randomly running up to some guy off the street and trying to get his genitals into your mouth before he can react."

Please please PLEASE tell me you actually said this to her. PLEASE!

Though I fear I already know the answer, considering the combined facts that not only is it probably against the protocol of your job, but she called back to try again.

*sigh* Why must you disappoint us so, GK? I ask you, why?

"Really, you don't sound too picky at this point so just close your eyes, pick something and wrap your legs around it. "

And I am going to go out on a limb and guess you didn't actually say THIS to her either, huh? Damn you, man! Because this is just as classic as the above line.

Why don’t you go over onto their property and start screwing around with their house then explain to the police that you’re just “a nice person”.

Or better yet, why don't they just go talk to their neighbor about the drainage problem, since they are so buddy-buddy and all.

Oh, right. Duh.

[Gravekeeper]

So unlike you, the morning staff still has functional cardiac muscles? Are the overnight callers that much worse than the daytime callers?

Yes. I have a particular knack for attracting the worst and/or craziest that even the morning manager admires. The other graveyard person has no such troubles. It is only I who am a beacon for this sort of tomfoolery apparently. ><

Okay, I'm confused. Did he have a brand new passport or not? And if so, why was it invalid?

Was rambling some what. He had a new passport that he literally received a few days before this wild quest for internet love. But something was amiss with it. I do not know what exactly, as I did not ask. Because the legal response to being denied entry to Canada is essentially "Well, have a safe trip home."

*sigh* Why must you disappoint us so, GK? I ask you, why?

I cannot say such things due to protocol, obviously. I am allowed some leeway with prank callers and crazies, but that's about it. Though it depends on the client account. The floor manager has vowed that should I ever put in my 2 weeks notice to quit this job, she will immediately remove me from the schedule. In order to prevent any catastrophic blaze of glory. >.>

[Dentarthurdent]

The floor manager has vowed that should I ever put in my 2 weeks notice to quit this job, she will immediately remove me from the schedule. In order to prevent any catastrophic blaze of glory. >.>

The obvious solution is simply to go on a job-ending two-week catastrophic blaze of glory, then vanish cackling into the sweet beyond...

[dalesys]

The floor manager has vowed that should I ever put in my 2 weeks notice to quit this job, she will immediately remove me from the schedule. In order to prevent any catastrophic blaze of glory. >.>

What's that fireball? Did somebody nuke Vancouver?



... GK has achieved apotheosis.

... a certain village in Nunavut is now relocated in Our Father Below's lowerarchy.

[Magpie]

Maybe the woman accidentally hit redial, and for some reason, thought she looked less stupid if she pretended that she thought the office would already be open?

And GK, admit it: you just don't like the pants in that catalogue. Someone buys one pair, you mock them for buying one pair with $40 shipping. Someone buys $500 worth you mock them. And I don't need you to prove me right by posting pictures of these trousers. Your descriptions are scary enough.

[Gravekeeper]

And GK, admit it: you just don't like the pants in that catalogue. Someone buys one pair, you mock them for buying one pair with $40 shipping. Someone buys $500 worth you mock them. And I don't need you to prove me right by posting pictures of these trousers. Your descriptions are scary enough.

The success ratio of COD, or lack there of, seems to have finally taken its toll. As the shipping is up to $52 now and they no longer offer express to the far reaches.

And yes, I will mock them regardless. There are some truly nice ( and practical ) clothes in the catalog, but they never buy them. Instead going for atrocious "gangsta" labels that cost 200% more but will fall apart inside of 6 months.

[superhotelworker]

GK: I always wonder how the hell you keep from saying what you're thinking.

[Gravekeeper]

GK: I always wonder how the hell you keep from saying what you're thinking.

Technically I don't, I just have a mute toggle for my headset.

[Becks]

Really, you don't sound too picky at this point so just close your eyes, pick something and wrap your legs around it.

I have known females who would do that. o.O

[Whiskey]

i dont know why, but i want to know what your AHT is

[vikingchyk]

SC: “You’re not a massage parlour too?”
Me: “…..No”

You’re going to have to bump up my pay grade several notches for those particular services. Also note the operative use of the word “too”. Meaning she was expecting a combo deal of telecommunications and full body massage.

Am I the only one thinking "GK and a Happy Ending?"

Me: “Good evening, <company>, how may I help you?”
C: “Hi!”
Me: “Hi.”
C: “Would you like to have sex with me?”

Guess not.