Sir, I am GLAD you are never coming back, we can't afford you.

[Bagga]

this is from 5 years ago, but catching up on all the threads reminded me of it.

At the time I was working in a UK video rental store with the same name as a 70s glam-rock hit.

The acting manager came out of the back room and quietly said "Bagga, come and have a look at this" So I went with him, and he rewound the security tape, and showed me this young guy and his girl bending down and looking at the bagged chocolates on the lower shelf of the display. He pointed, she picked up a big bag of M&Ms, and put them under her coat. They were both wearing jeans, but you cant hide a 400g bag of sweets in a jeans pocket. He waved his arm angrily, pointed again, and she put the M&Ms back, took a big bag of Revels, and put them under her coat. (A silly thing to do, M&Ms are much nicer)

*** Fanfare for a confrontation ***

We both march out front.

"Sir, would you mind returning those please"

"What?"

"The sweets you just stole"

"I haven't got any sweets!"

* cycle those 4 sentences 2 more times, with him removing his jacket, emptying his pockets, etc, you know the drill *

"Sir, we know you haven't got them, she has. Miss, please open your coat."

"She can't do that!"

"We want her to return the chocolates you two have stolen. They are in her coat."

"SHE CAN'T DO THAT" (At this point, she is looking very scared and embarassed)

"Why not? We just want her to prove that she hasn't got any chocolates hidden in there"

"Erm. Well, were in bed, (she went even redder) and we decided we wanted to watch a video (redder still) so we jumped out of bed, threw on some clothes and came here to get a video. She's only wearing a coat." (Me and AM get that 'hurr hurr' grin on our faces, and she goes so red that I am sure she was radiating infra red rays)

At this point AM realises that the Revels will have melted by now, it's been 5 minutes of arguing, with chocolates hugged to her chest, clothed or otherwise.

"Oh get out or I will call the cops"

On their way out we hear...

Him "Huh, I'm never coming back here again!" (GOOD!)

Her "You bastard, why did you have to say that?" (True or not, sem-naked or not, they didn't get a video, be it Disney or porn, and I hope she ate all the chocolates and made him sleep on the floor)

[karma_gypsy]

All that over some chocolates . . . what if they would have confessed? What would you have down with them then? Banned them from the store?

[SuperB]

That reminds me of my funniest shoplifting moment.

I was ringing up her boyfriend as this teenage girl was attempting to stuff large bottles of beer (24 oz size) into her coat. She kept dropping them and I could see exactly what she was doing. I couldn't help but laugh as I ring him up, practically doubling the cost of quite a few items just for having the nerve to try and rip me off. She finally gives up, walks by the candy rack, grabs something without even looking at it, slams it on the counter, says, "I want that" and walks out.
Based on how I was laughing I'm pretty sure he knew as well.

I had just stocked that section and knew exactly how many there were on the shelf. I went to see and sure enough, she hadn't even managed to get away with one (as I'm picking them up from under the shelves they rolled under). I had charged him enough that I wouldn't have lost anything even had she did get away with a few.

[Bagga]

If we had got the chocolates back we would have let them go. And probably eaten the chocolates ourselves.

This was about 21:30 on a January Evening in a small market town, and the main cop-shop was 25 miles away, so they would only have got a caution anyway, we knew that from previous experience.

Furthermore, if she really had been nude from the waist up, we would have considered that as recompense enough - although we were convinced that she had a t-shirt on under her coat.

Another shoplifting occurrence I saw was last year, in a local freezer store, where I was a customer - a young man was furtively sliding a bottle of red wine under his belt and into the leg of his trousers. And as it slid down, it made a muffled clinking noise. I hope the other bottle was also a red, as white wine should be chilled, and he looked like he needed a drink RIGHT NOW.

I didn't alert any staff, as there were none nearby ( furthermore, I am a coward...) but it was amusing to watch him walk out of the entrance of the store, after waiting 2 minutes for an incoming customer, because as he walked the 2 bottles made a gentle clothy clanky noise with each stride.