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Over the hill (long)
Setting the scene... The year was 1999, The place is in a seedier town about 20 miles east of Pittsburgh, PA. I working 3rd shift (10 pm to 6 am) for a AAA towing service. I was dispatched to a ‘car over the hill” call at about 2 AM.
I arrive 20 minutes after dispatch to find that the guy had come home drunk, pulled down his driveway beside his house to his basement garage door in the rear and forgot to put his car in gear or set the brake. Car is most definitely over the hill. 100 feet over the hill. Luckily there was no damage other than the rear bumper that barely tapped a tree at the end of it’s journey. Member smells like a brewery and his speech is slurred to an almost unrecognizable mishmash of garbled words.
I ask to see the member's AAA card and ID which he hands me without a problem. He has a regular membership (not the Plus which have tons of added benefits and would have covered this event) and I inform him that AAA will not cover the recovery of his car because the event was ‘human error’ and he only had the basic membership. What follows is as best I can recall considering this happened 7 years ago.
SDC = Sucky drunk customer (I decided against relating the slurred speech to make this understandable)
ME = Large but humble tow truck peon (my thoughts are italicized)
SP = State Police Officer
SDC.....Why won’t AAA pay for it? I pay them all this money and I can’t get service? I haven’t used my membership ever in 4 years! That oughta count for something!
ME.....I’m sorry sir, but had you bought the plus membership this would have been covered. There is nothing I can do to change policy. Especially at 2 AM.
(Repeat this exchange at least 5 times)
SDC.....Can’t you call someone? I’m not paying for this! No way in hell am I giving you one f**king dime when I’ve paid my dues for 4 years and never used it!
ME.....Let me call my dispatcher and see if he will do anything. Give me a second.
I call dispatch and relay what SDC told me. Dispatcher relays that SDC has indeed used his membership and the call I am working right now is his 4th and final call he can receive on his current membership and they weren’t going to cover it at all considering the nature of the call. Dispatcher gives me his number to give to SDC in case he wants verification. I ask dispatch to have the State Police meet me as per regulations because of the beligerence and intoxication of the member.
ME....Sorry sir but the dispatcher told me that you have used your membership 3 other times this cycle and this is your last allowed call. (This fact will become semi-important later in this diatribe) AAA is not covering this call. Here is their number in case you want to hear it for yours....
SDC.....Gimme that f**kin thing. (As he snatches the paper from my hand and disappears inside the house.
At this point, knowing what he was going to hear from the dispatcher. (they are really good about not caving to whining or bitching) I decide to calculate what it was going to cost him to get his car back onto the driveway. $50.00 per hour labor at about 1 to 1½ hours (prorated in case I was off on the time estimation) and $2.00 per foot of cable pulled from the truck. $10.00 for any disconnects to reposition the truck. Probably 3 disconnects required. Estimate is $305. I write the info on a form for his insurance company so he can get reimbursed. (If he has full coverage insurance) I get out the damage waiver (which he must sign before I will even put on my gloves) and wait for him to return.
10 minutes later he returns and I can see in his face that he is nowhere near satisfied.
ME.....Did the dispatcher clear this up for you sir?
SDC.....How much is this bullshit gonna cost me?
I handed him the estimate.
ME....If you have full coverage insurance you will....
SDC.....300 F**KING DOLLARS!!!
ME.....Yes sir, it’s 50....
SDC.....I ain’t paying no f**king 300 dollars for this! It was an accident! It’s not like I drove it down there intentionally!
ME.....Your insurance company will reimbur....
Lather, rinse, repeat (3 times).
SDC.....Why can’t you just bill my insurance company? Why do I have to pay for this?
ME...I’m sorry sir. I have no way of verifying if you even HAVE insurance. This is the only way that it’s getting from there to here. I’m sorry.
SDC.....F**k that! I’ll call XYZ Towing. They’ll get it up here.
ME.....It’s your choice sir. I’ll leave if you don’t want me to pull it up. But you will still be charged with a call and I guarantee you’re not going to get a cheaper rate. The quote I gave you is discounted because you’re a AAA member. It would normally cost about 150 more for non-members and I know XYZ. They’ll charge you double that estimate.
SDC.....Well I’ll just call another AAA tow truck, smart ass.
ME.....That is your right sir, but they will charge you $25 for the service call because you do not have any calls left on your membership. (This was his last call, remember?) Then they’ll charge you the exact same rate I have on that paper.
SDC.....You f**kers are all in collusion with each other. You all set in those big-ass trucks and talk on your walkie-talkies and eat f**king donuts just waiting for someone to have an accident so you can swoop in to be the first truck there! You’re all a bunch of f**king vultures!
AAA tow trucks are forbidden to chase wrecks. All garages who operate under the AAA logo sign contracts that state unequivocally that they will void the contract, and lose any money due them if they chase accidents. We can, however,be dispatched to accident scenes as requested by members.
ME.....(patience gone) We can’t help it you’re so trashed you didn’t put the damn car in gear and it rolled halfway to Pittsburgh! (SDC looks at me as if he was going to charge me. The only thing preventing him was most likely the 8 inch height and 100+ pound weight advantage I had on him.)
About this time the State Police pull into the driveway. I work the same area all the time and I know most of the cops in my area. This time was no different.
SP.....(within earshot of SDC) Hey Jim. What’s the problem?
SDC.....(to me) You son of a bitch! What is he doing here? Did you call the f**king cops on me? ( SDC now has SP’s undivided attention as I explain the past half hour including the part about SDC being drunk, belligerent and stupid)
SP walks to SDC and asks him the standard questions. SDC fails miserably in attempting to hide his inebriation.
SP.....Have you been drinking tonight sir?
SDC.....I had about ¾ of a beer a long time ago.
SP.....And was that the gallon or keg sized glass?
SDC.....It was a normal one.
SP.....So what’s the problem this morning?
SDC.....This f**cker wants me to pay $300 to pull my car back up here. It was an accident!
SP.....Sounds reasonable to me. That’s a hell of a lot cheaper than the DUI is going to cost.
SDC.....I’M NOT F**KING DRUNK!!! That fat son of a bitch is lying!
(I prefer fluffy to fat, tyvm)
At this point I could hold it no longer and I busted out laughing. SDC looks at me as if I spray painted his dog.
SP.....Tell you what. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll get my Breathalizer© and if you are not drunk, I’ll pay to have your car pulled up. If you are over the legal limit you’ll pay for it. Either way, as long as you agree, I’ll forget I was even here. Sound good?
SDC.....You got a deal.
SP retrieves his Breathalizer© and SDC proceeds to blow a .21 which is twice the limit. (Legal limit then was .10)
SDC.....Oh hell, just get the damn car up here. Can I write you a check?
ME.....Yes sir. Make it out to the name on the truck door. (And smiling the biggest shit-eating grin I could muster)
I grab a damage waiver which SDC signs without reading a word.
SDC.....(After handing it back to me) What's that for?
ME.....It's a damage waiver. It says you can't sue me or my company for doing any more damage to your car unless you can prove me negligent.
SDC.....You mean you can f**k up my car as much as you want and I can't do anything about it?
Me.....(Shaking my head) No sir. I mean that as long as I don't do something negligent that causes damage, like place the hooks in the wrong place, throw a lit cigarette into the back seat or piss in the gas tank, you can't sue me. The car is 100 feet over a hill. The hill is about at a 30° slope. Sometimes you just can't help doing something to a car in these conditions.
SDC.....Well be careful with it or I'll sue your ass!
The yank takes a total of an hour and 5 minutes with 2 disconnects. Total $270.00. SDC thinks I gave him a discount and signs a check over to me and finally I’m done and away from SDC and his (now in gear with the brake set) car.
I joked with SP for a couple minutes as SDC was under the car looking for any damage. I have SDC sign the invoice after I mark PAID and the check number, hand him a copy for his insurance company, head to the garage to deposit the check and paperwork in the safe and head home to await the next SDC and thanking the heavens for being done and away from this guy.
As it turns out, my company wasn’t done with him. His check bounced. Now he was going to have to repay his bank, my company’s return check fee, and a fine from the state for writing a check on a closed account. Total? About $700.00
I arrive 20 minutes after dispatch to find that the guy had come home drunk, pulled down his driveway beside his house to his basement garage door in the rear and forgot to put his car in gear or set the brake. Car is most definitely over the hill. 100 feet over the hill. Luckily there was no damage other than the rear bumper that barely tapped a tree at the end of it’s journey. Member smells like a brewery and his speech is slurred to an almost unrecognizable mishmash of garbled words.
I ask to see the member's AAA card and ID which he hands me without a problem. He has a regular membership (not the Plus which have tons of added benefits and would have covered this event) and I inform him that AAA will not cover the recovery of his car because the event was ‘human error’ and he only had the basic membership. What follows is as best I can recall considering this happened 7 years ago.
SDC = Sucky drunk customer (I decided against relating the slurred speech to make this understandable)
ME = Large but humble tow truck peon (my thoughts are italicized)
SP = State Police Officer
SDC.....Why won’t AAA pay for it? I pay them all this money and I can’t get service? I haven’t used my membership ever in 4 years! That oughta count for something!
ME.....I’m sorry sir, but had you bought the plus membership this would have been covered. There is nothing I can do to change policy. Especially at 2 AM.
(Repeat this exchange at least 5 times)
SDC.....Can’t you call someone? I’m not paying for this! No way in hell am I giving you one f**king dime when I’ve paid my dues for 4 years and never used it!
ME.....Let me call my dispatcher and see if he will do anything. Give me a second.
I call dispatch and relay what SDC told me. Dispatcher relays that SDC has indeed used his membership and the call I am working right now is his 4th and final call he can receive on his current membership and they weren’t going to cover it at all considering the nature of the call. Dispatcher gives me his number to give to SDC in case he wants verification. I ask dispatch to have the State Police meet me as per regulations because of the beligerence and intoxication of the member.
ME....Sorry sir but the dispatcher told me that you have used your membership 3 other times this cycle and this is your last allowed call. (This fact will become semi-important later in this diatribe) AAA is not covering this call. Here is their number in case you want to hear it for yours....
SDC.....Gimme that f**kin thing. (As he snatches the paper from my hand and disappears inside the house.
At this point, knowing what he was going to hear from the dispatcher. (they are really good about not caving to whining or bitching) I decide to calculate what it was going to cost him to get his car back onto the driveway. $50.00 per hour labor at about 1 to 1½ hours (prorated in case I was off on the time estimation) and $2.00 per foot of cable pulled from the truck. $10.00 for any disconnects to reposition the truck. Probably 3 disconnects required. Estimate is $305. I write the info on a form for his insurance company so he can get reimbursed. (If he has full coverage insurance) I get out the damage waiver (which he must sign before I will even put on my gloves) and wait for him to return.
10 minutes later he returns and I can see in his face that he is nowhere near satisfied.
ME.....Did the dispatcher clear this up for you sir?
SDC.....How much is this bullshit gonna cost me?
I handed him the estimate.
ME....If you have full coverage insurance you will....
SDC.....300 F**KING DOLLARS!!!
ME.....Yes sir, it’s 50....
SDC.....I ain’t paying no f**king 300 dollars for this! It was an accident! It’s not like I drove it down there intentionally!
ME.....Your insurance company will reimbur....
Lather, rinse, repeat (3 times).
SDC.....Why can’t you just bill my insurance company? Why do I have to pay for this?
ME...I’m sorry sir. I have no way of verifying if you even HAVE insurance. This is the only way that it’s getting from there to here. I’m sorry.
SDC.....F**k that! I’ll call XYZ Towing. They’ll get it up here.
ME.....It’s your choice sir. I’ll leave if you don’t want me to pull it up. But you will still be charged with a call and I guarantee you’re not going to get a cheaper rate. The quote I gave you is discounted because you’re a AAA member. It would normally cost about 150 more for non-members and I know XYZ. They’ll charge you double that estimate.
SDC.....Well I’ll just call another AAA tow truck, smart ass.
ME.....That is your right sir, but they will charge you $25 for the service call because you do not have any calls left on your membership. (This was his last call, remember?) Then they’ll charge you the exact same rate I have on that paper.
SDC.....You f**kers are all in collusion with each other. You all set in those big-ass trucks and talk on your walkie-talkies and eat f**king donuts just waiting for someone to have an accident so you can swoop in to be the first truck there! You’re all a bunch of f**king vultures!
AAA tow trucks are forbidden to chase wrecks. All garages who operate under the AAA logo sign contracts that state unequivocally that they will void the contract, and lose any money due them if they chase accidents. We can, however,be dispatched to accident scenes as requested by members.
ME.....(patience gone) We can’t help it you’re so trashed you didn’t put the damn car in gear and it rolled halfway to Pittsburgh! (SDC looks at me as if he was going to charge me. The only thing preventing him was most likely the 8 inch height and 100+ pound weight advantage I had on him.)
About this time the State Police pull into the driveway. I work the same area all the time and I know most of the cops in my area. This time was no different.
SP.....(within earshot of SDC) Hey Jim. What’s the problem?
SDC.....(to me) You son of a bitch! What is he doing here? Did you call the f**king cops on me? ( SDC now has SP’s undivided attention as I explain the past half hour including the part about SDC being drunk, belligerent and stupid)
SP walks to SDC and asks him the standard questions. SDC fails miserably in attempting to hide his inebriation.
SP.....Have you been drinking tonight sir?
SDC.....I had about ¾ of a beer a long time ago.
SP.....And was that the gallon or keg sized glass?
SDC.....It was a normal one.
SP.....So what’s the problem this morning?
SDC.....This f**cker wants me to pay $300 to pull my car back up here. It was an accident!
SP.....Sounds reasonable to me. That’s a hell of a lot cheaper than the DUI is going to cost.
SDC.....I’M NOT F**KING DRUNK!!! That fat son of a bitch is lying!
(I prefer fluffy to fat, tyvm)At this point I could hold it no longer and I busted out laughing. SDC looks at me as if I spray painted his dog.
SP.....Tell you what. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll get my Breathalizer© and if you are not drunk, I’ll pay to have your car pulled up. If you are over the legal limit you’ll pay for it. Either way, as long as you agree, I’ll forget I was even here. Sound good?
SDC.....You got a deal.
SP retrieves his Breathalizer© and SDC proceeds to blow a .21 which is twice the limit. (Legal limit then was .10)
SDC.....Oh hell, just get the damn car up here. Can I write you a check?
ME.....Yes sir. Make it out to the name on the truck door. (And smiling the biggest shit-eating grin I could muster)
I grab a damage waiver which SDC signs without reading a word.
SDC.....(After handing it back to me) What's that for?
ME.....It's a damage waiver. It says you can't sue me or my company for doing any more damage to your car unless you can prove me negligent.
SDC.....You mean you can f**k up my car as much as you want and I can't do anything about it?
Me.....(Shaking my head) No sir. I mean that as long as I don't do something negligent that causes damage, like place the hooks in the wrong place, throw a lit cigarette into the back seat or piss in the gas tank, you can't sue me. The car is 100 feet over a hill. The hill is about at a 30° slope. Sometimes you just can't help doing something to a car in these conditions.
SDC.....Well be careful with it or I'll sue your ass!
The yank takes a total of an hour and 5 minutes with 2 disconnects. Total $270.00. SDC thinks I gave him a discount and signs a check over to me and finally I’m done and away from SDC and his (now in gear with the brake set) car.
I joked with SP for a couple minutes as SDC was under the car looking for any damage. I have SDC sign the invoice after I mark PAID and the check number, hand him a copy for his insurance company, head to the garage to deposit the check and paperwork in the safe and head home to await the next SDC and thanking the heavens for being done and away from this guy.
As it turns out, my company wasn’t done with him. His check bounced. Now he was going to have to repay his bank, my company’s return check fee, and a fine from the state for writing a check on a closed account. Total? About $700.00
That's HILARIOUS!!!!!! I'm gonna have to use that one!!!! 
Turned out the battery was shot. Called up AAA, and they were there quickly. Seriously, as in I was the "first call of the morning."
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