The Rude, Bemused and Pointless

[TelephoneAngel]

Oh the fun today!

Nobody could log into a computer at all.

We answered every phone call with this message -

"I am sorry that we cannot answer account queries at the moment as there is a computer error and we cannot access any information.We do not know when this will be fixed but have been given an estimate of four hours if you could call back.If you have a general query we will be glad to help"

This led to the following replies by customers

1)What do you mean?
2) *pointedly* You mean you refuse to help.I will be letting the CEO of your company know of your attitude.
3)Why are you answering the phone then?
4)Don't be ridiculous!Of course you can access your computer system!
5)Don't you have paper files you can look at? *yes if you have two weeks to wait while I trawl through the warehouse having traveleld halfway across the country*
6)Why will it take so long to fix?
7) Oh what shall I do then?
8) My account number is xyz and my problem is.........
9) i was told the same thing when i phoned two hours ago

[MoonCat]

Par for the course, I'm afraid. And stupid. Especially the part about 'refusing to help.' Yeah, sure, call center people sit around all day telling customers we refuse to help them. Sure we do. And #4: yeah, you're right, I can access it...if by "access" you mean puy my foot through it (I hate our computer system).

[TheRabbi]

6)Why will it take so long to fix?

Seriously! It's just a computer glitch! Get some magic smoke and put it back in the box! Then it'll start working.

I mean, it's a computer. How hard could it be to fix?

*sigh*

[technical.angel]

I mean, it's a computer. How hard could it be to fix?

:: twitch twitch dies ::

Long, long day.

[Sonoma]

Oh the fun today!

Nobody could log into a computer at all.
4)Don't be ridiculous!Of course you can access your computer system!l:

Hey, if you can do my job better than I can, please come take my seat & do what you need to do.

[Green_Fairy]

wait! you mean you guys aren't magical little gnomes that are only alive to serve the needs of the customers? you mean you don't have all the data stored in magic crystals that never break? you mean you can't access said data with magic scrying bowl?
I HAVE BEEN LIED TOO!!!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

We had a similar thing happen at channel 25. We got knocked off the air by a transformer blowing. Nothing on that entire street worked. It was so dark in Master Control I had to hold the phone on my lap so I wouldn't have to grope around in the dark for it when when my boss (who was also the Chief Engineer) called.

Little Old Lady calls me. Hilarity ensues:

LOL: Ya'll know you're off the air?
Me: Yes, ma'am. Sorry about that, the power is out up here.
LOL: Why don't ya'll air an announcment telling folks what's going on?

What a great idea. Make that lady the new CEO.

[RedRoseSpiral]

I'm going to be dealing with something similar this weekend. The gnome travel website will be down ALL WEEKEND and they are our business partner. Patriotic bank also thought it would be an amazingly great idea to also power down our systems during this time. We'll be giving a similar spiel for the next two days. Kill me know...or at least send lots of booze my way >.>

[TelephoneAngel]

I'm going to be dealing with something similar this weekend. The gnome travel website will be down ALL WEEKEND and they are our business partner. Patriotic bank also thought it would be an amazingly great idea to also power down our systems during this time. We'll be giving a similar spiel for the next two days. Kill me know...or at least send lots of booze my way >.>

Good luck

Other replies I had yesterday -

"well can you give me the telephone number of someone who can help me then?"
*indignantly* "But this was the number I was given by your sales people!"
"I haven't got time to phone back and I only wanted to ask ................*asks query about her account*
"And you think this is customer service do you?"

[Sarcastro]

Some of our systems go down for updating after a certain time during the week. When that happens there's an automated message that tells you that the only calls we're taking are emergency outage calls. Before you get to a representative it repeats this at least twice depending on the options you select. Yet, somehow 20% of the calls that we get at this time are not emergency calls. Um, billing is closed. The automated system told you that twice. I'm telling you a third time. And now you're arguing with me because you think I can bring up your billing info. For some reason I'm spending 15 minutes arguing with you that I can't bring up your balances instead of spending the 2 minutes it would take to bring up your billing information and just provide it to you. So, what you're saying is that I'm working harder just so I can be lazy? Customer logic would be funny if it weren't so infuriating to deal with.

[RxBoy]

Ah yes, the fun when our pharmacy software crashes and we can't get into the computers to see anything. It happens from time to time, thankfully it is uncommon. The last time it happened was about one hour before closing time. We cannot fill prescriptions, bill insurance, or access any patient info when they are down. Basically, if it's been filled and it is in the bin we can sell it to you. Otherwise you are out of luck, we can't process refills, new prescriptions, or rebill insurance while our servers are down. We had to tell people who came in after the crash that their prescriptions could not be filled that night.

You wouldn't believe it...

"Why didn't you call me and let me know?" <<As I said, I cannot access any information in our computer. How am I supposed to know who had items scheduled for pickup tonight, much less get their phone numbers?>>

"But I need this tonight and I don't want to go to another pharmacy!"
<<And I need to pay my mortgage every month and I don't want to work five days a week. Decide which is more important to you.>>

"I need my refill right now! My plane is leaving in an hour!"
<<Unless you just found out that you are going on vacation five minutes ago I'm not going to feel sorry for you.>>

And my favorite...

"But I'm totally out of my medicine that I need to stay alive!" <<I never understand those people. I mean, what if we were out of stock on the medicine or something? People who will die or suffer serious harm if they don't take a medication yet they wait until they've taken their last dose to come in for a refill. Of course, their lack of planning ahead is our fault.>>

[Sonoma]

People who will die or suffer serious harm if they don't take a medication yet they wait until they've taken their last dose to come in for a refill. Of course, their lack of planning ahead is our fault.>>

But, their lack of planning is cause for a total emergency on your part.

Just once, I want somebody to point out "The Button" on my computer that will fix their problem. So many times, I've had people tell me to just "push the button and do (whatever insane request they have)".

So far, the only magic button I have is the Release button on my phone....but I don't even get to use that. It's the only one I've found with the potential to make the problem go away.

[EricKei]

We had something similar at DaddyJim's after hours... "DaddyJim's MainStreet, I'm sorry, but we're closed"

"Yeah, I want 3 large Deluxe pizzas, no peppers..."

Maybe half of the callers actually listened, only a few of those actually said anything before hanging up (sometimes loudly)

============================================

My favorite was when the road was so flooded that we couldn't leave the store. We'd say that delivery is closed, for obvious reason. Best. Call. Ever. was from someone who lived 2 blocks off of our main drag, in an area which would have been flooded, as well. They doubted our story about the flooding. The phone gurrrrl asked them to "go open their front door and look outside", which they did. When they returned: "Never mind o_O"

[alowlypotato]

But computers are magic! They do not break, except by evil sorcery! Ergo, you are either lying or are an evil sorceress! OBVIOUSLY!

*rage*

*fear*

*panic*

[Racket_Man]

We had something similar at DaddyJim's after hours... "DaddyJim's MainStreet, I'm sorry, but we're closed"

"Yeah, I want 3 large Deluxe pizzas, no peppers..."

Maybe half of the callers actually listened, only a few of those actually said anything before hanging up (sometimes loudly)

my typical after close time conversation (esp on a weekend night)
me = <pizza place> sorry we are CLOSED!!
SC = I wannnaaaaaaa (there is a George Carlin comment in here somewhere OH YES the sin of WAAAANNNNAAAAAA 6 sins in one feel)
me = SORRY WE ARE CLOSED <hangup>

or
me = <pizza place> sorry we are CLOSED
SC = blargle blargel WHY IN THE FUCK ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKERING JERKOFFS STILL ANSWERING THE FUCKING PHONE????????
<actual conversation on a Friday night at 3am we closed at 2 am>