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Different scene, dif-- no they're still pretty close.

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  • Different scene, dif-- no they're still pretty close.

    I recently left my pizza place to be a stock jockey for the big blue and yellow "sun smile." It's overnight work, so it's fairly quiet when compared to the day, which means LESS CUSTOMERS, THANK YOU, DEITY!

    Before I left the pizza biz, there was very little to tell you. The customers were the normal snotty people, but nothing outstanding. The worst things at night are the drunks, who are more humorous than anything.

    You's beautiful...

    These two males, one female were wandering around laughing at stupid things and being silly college age kids. They wandered into my aisle, and passed me seven times.

    Him: Hey, I seen you somewhere before.
    Me: Umm... sorry, I don't know you.
    Him: Well, I thought I knew you! You're just! Ahh!!

    The female is slightly less shit-faced and apologised.

    Later, they stop at the opposite end of my aisle...
    Him: HEY!

    I turn and look at him.

    Him: Girl! Lady! Wo-MAN! You are so beautiful, I just had to... I HAD TO TELL YOU!

    He started crying and the other guy starts raving about slamming me on his hinkerdoodlen.

    Immonia


    This guy stops me and the smell of his alocohol actually causes my eyes to water and throat to tighten.

    He asks me about the powerful cleaner that cleans better than bleach, but it's a liquid, sometimes a spray o_0

    So I suggest Lysol, but no. It starts with an i. So we look, and I feel a little crazy, but humor him, not even a weird brand name has an i beginner.

    He finally sees the ammonia.

    Him: Ah! Baby girl, what's that on the bottom say!
    Me: Ammonia.
    He slaps his leg, and laughs: That's the stuff! My ee-mone-yuh! OH!

    I get it for him, and he starts patting me on the shoulder, proclaiming me the goddess of the night.

    ...you asshole.

    The past couple weeks of humorous drunks led me into a false sense of security. Night owls are entirely more polite around here, and the drunks left me with smiles and giggles. The weeks of happiness at work let my guard slip, when this guy starts walking about in the cake/sugar/spice aisle... looking back and forth between me and the cornmeal.

    I have a cart sitting there with a big of plastic garbage tied to it, and it is filled like crazy with broken down cardboard boxes.

    After asking him if he needed anything, he ignored me, so I did the same and continued stocking when I heard KSHHSHSHHHHHHSSKKKKKSSSHHHH.

    This asshole has one hand ripping apart my garbage bag, one hand throwing my boxes on the floor.

    When I look at him, he gives me an, "Oh.. you using this?"

    I said I was, but I would get him his own cart if he left mine alone.

    "Nah, I take your's," and stood there spilling the garbage and boxes everywhere.

  • #2
    For the last one... Well, let's say I'd end up fired. And possibly in legal trouble for ramming the cart into his inconsiderate ass. >.<

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    • #3
      ...And maybe land the cursetomer in trouble for a potential HAZMAT violation...
      "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
      "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
      "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
      "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
      "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
      "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
      Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
      "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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      • #4
        Quoth Draco View Post
        For the last one... Well, let's say I'd end up fired. And possibly in legal trouble for ramming the cart UP his inconsiderate ass. >.<
        Fixed that for you
        The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.

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        • #5
          Quoth Draco View Post
          For the last one... Well, let's say I'd end up fired.
          All of the ridiculous time I have spent getting spit on, cursed at, screamed at, yelled through, and threatened has somehow given me more patience than it has ruined it.

          I get angry the first hour after it happens, then it just kindof goes away =p

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          • #6
            sorry, pretty pet, that the stupid has followed you.

            too bad you couldn't have appropriately schooled the last idiot on why he should leave your cart and its contents alone.
            look! it's ghengis khan!
            Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

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            • #7
              Quoth unholypet View Post
              He slaps his leg, and laughs: That's the stuff! My ee-mone-yuh! OH!
              Maybe he was thinking about Lake Iamonia.
              "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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              • #8
                Quoth Ironclad Alibi View Post
                Maybe he was thinking about Lake Iamonia.
                I think it was Lake Jack Daniel's, but your's sounds super close =p

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