Buzz off, dumbass!

[FArchivist]

We sometimes get calls from skeevy copier scammers on our phone, but they're easily taken care of. We're allowed to have fun with them; it's very hard to sell us our own toner when we manufacture it.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

When Mr. Kinkoid was self employed and working from a home office I would get them occasionally, and some of them had the extremely poor judgement to get snippy with me as if I were an annoying receptionist who would not let them talk to "the boss."

Well, I was the the person who was boinking Mr. Kinkoid, so that made ME "the boss."

I told a couple of them straight up "We won't be doing business with your company, as I'm going to tell Mr. Kinkoid that you just insulted and disrespected his wife. Call here again and I will have your balls."

[KellyHabersham]

Fortunately we don't receive these types of calls as much in the church office......I think the worst one I did get was a guy whom I had to hang up on because he didn't seem to understand what "We already have a copy machine" means. And a few minutes later, he called right back and tried his sales pitch again, although this time our Trustees Committee leader answered, and she was able to get rid of him.

[chainedbarista]

Well, I was the the person who was boinking Mr. Kinkoid, so that made ME "the boss."

LOL!

yes, she who controls the sex controls the boss.

every once in awhile i'll get a persistent one; i simply hold the line on them and continue with 'no thanks, not able to afford/interested/need/etc.' eventually, they give up and tell me to call, should i 'change my mind.'

[Andara Bledin]

I always liked getting the copy machine douchebags.

We buy all of our equipment at auction, usually for pennies on the dollar. If something goes bad, we might have it serviced by the people we have a contract with, but as often as not, we'll just toss it and replace.

Our current copier was bought on eBay for a song.

I just let them know what we paid for our machine, and they hem and haw a bit and then go away because they have no way they can match the prices we pay.

^-.-^

[MadMike]

The manager I replaced apparently has some outstanding debt, as his collectors call the store NON-STOP. I don't know what else I can tell them; I've tried every possible version of, "He's no longer employed here," that I can think of without blowing up. Honestly, calling a place of business five times or more a day on personal business is ridiculous to begin with, but when you've been told that you absolutely cannot reach them there, maybe its time to stop calling.

Is it the same company calling all the time? If so, they probably think you're lying, which I'm sure a lot of people do. My wife's old upstairs neighbor inherited some deadbeat's phone number, and they absolutely refused to believe he wasn't the one they were calling for. Worse yet, he was a third-shift truck driver, so when these people called during the day, they were interrupting his sleep.

Apparently I was a lot luckier than he was. After my ex moved out, I kept getting calls from companies she owed money to, but they took my word for it when I told them she didn't live there anymore.

I just let them know what we paid for our machine, and they hem and haw a bit and then go away because they have no way they can match the prices we pay.

I got that from a telemarketer who was offering internet service for the "low price" of $x/hour. Unfortunately for him, I had recently signed on with a rare-at-the-time provider that charged a flat rate per month. He stammered for a few seconds, and then quickly ended the call once he realized he had nothing to offer me.

[BlaqueKatt]

I will gladly dump you into a random voicemail to be rid of you.

for some reason I get the mental imaoe of a tiny little person being dropped into a tiny little dark cube........hello? it's dark in here-I think I heard a grue.....

[mharbourgirl]

I was the gatekeeper at many workplaces before my current one. Thankfully, I only have to answer the phones when our receptionist goes to lunch now, because I have heard all the scams and I can smell a telemarketer from the number on the call display alone.

I ALWAYS start off polite, and I've found that there are three basic types.

1 - There's the poor schmuck who isn't selling any kind of scam, they're just going off a long list of phone numbers and they have no idea who they're calling. Those ones I kindly inform that we are a multi-national, publicly traded company, and decisions about things like advertising, insurance, etc., are made far up the food chain from the local unit. They're usually easy to get rid of and I don't have to pull out the big guns.

2 - The pushy, rude sort who may be selling a legitimate product, but their schtick is aggressive and condescending, as if the 'secretary' has no business even asking their name, never mind their business. Notable for the fact that they also have done no research on the company they're calling, and 1 minute on the web would have given them the knowledge that noone in my office is going to be able to give them any business. Depending on how rude they are I generally point them towards one of three offices: one on the west coast of North America that handles all the A/P - A/R for the entire continent, one in Ontario that is technically head office for all Canadian units, or the one in Europe where the corporate headquarters are. Anyone who asks for the owner is going to get hung up on because I am NOT going to explain for the millionth time that we don't HAVE an owner.

3 - Scammers. Seriously, I haven't heard a new one in years. Funky lightbulbs, copiers/toner/paper, 'business directories', questionable charities, service contracts for machinery we don't have, yeah, I know them all, or at least I can tell what's going on within a few words. I am abrupt, blunt and very unreceptive, and I usually tell them to take their 'offer' and shove it up their bums, because they're not talking to anyone but me no matter what they say. I could just hang up, of course, but I take my glimmers of fun where I can get 'em these days.

Our receptionist is just as good as I am at getting rid of these pests, but she's NICE about it. Really nice. Nice enough to put you in a diabetic coma. She scares the hell out of me, I couldn't manage that level of saccharine sweetness with a hundred years of practice. These calls rarely come in at the time I cover the desk anymore, so I'm pretty sure that a thousand databases out there have a note beside our number: Don't call between 12-1pm ADT if you like your balls.

[protege]

1 - There's the poor schmuck who isn't selling any kind of scam, they're just going off a long list of phone numbers and they have no idea who they're calling. Those ones I kindly inform that we are a multi-national, publicly traded company, and decisions about things like advertising, insurance, etc., are made far up the food chain from the local unit. They're usually easy to get rid of and I don't have to pull out the big guns.

I have no problem with these guys (and gals). Usually a polite "We're not interested" is enough to get rid of them. Thank them for their time, and they can scratch us off the list. Most times, if they know we're a business, they'll hang up.

2 - The pushy, rude sort who may be selling a legitimate product, but their schtick is aggressive and condescending, as if the 'secretary' has no business even asking their name, never mind their business. Notable for the fact that they also have done no research on the company they're calling, and 1 minute on the web would have given them the knowledge that noone in my office is going to be able to give them any business.

I just hung up on one of these today. She called in, asking for the "owner," or "the person knowledgeable about your phone service." When I tried to direct her to our main office...the office that handles all that crap--she got snippy. All bills go directly to that office. We don't get the phone bill, the gas bill, or any of those. You want that info, call them. No, I won't look up the number for you. It's online, go find it Also, if you don't tell me why you're calling, or at least your name and company, don't get pissy when I hang up on you. My boss doesn't talk to people who won't provide that info, and I'm not going to waste his time trying to get it. I have work to do--get lost.

3 - Scammers. Seriously, I haven't heard a new one in years. Funky lightbulbs, copiers/toner/paper, 'business directories', questionable charities, service contracts for machinery we don't have, yeah, I know them all, or at least I can tell what's going on within a few words.

These people (and I'm being nice) are the ones that truly deserve my ire. As such, I go out of my way to mess with them. I already know they're trying to scam me when the first thing I hear is "can I have your copier model number please?" when I answer the phone. I know what's up, and you're just lucky I'm giving you a part number for a 1970 MGB rear axle. I could be telling you to go fuck yourself as well, but I'm being nice

[sirwired]

I'm lucky enough that I work for such a huge company, most of the scammers know not to bother. My favorite telemarketing call?

I got somebody that wants to know if I wanted to change my company's long distance service. I thought that was pretty damn funny. We are big enough in this area (we are the largest employer) that we own three entire exchanges in the local area code (that's 30,000 numbers for those of you outside North America); you'd think somebody trying to sell telephone service (or copier supplies, Yellow Pages entires, etc.) would know to avoid our numbers.

I also get a debt collector a month calling looking for the last guy that owned the number that rings my desk. The kicker? I took over this phone number twelve years ago. *sigh*

SirWired

[Orgaloth]

I got one like Sirwired. Somone called to try and get us to change our phone company.

The thing is I work at a phone company...the largest one in The Land Down Under. The kicker, this guy wouldn't take no for an answer. I told him at least five times the company he had called and he insisted that he could give us a better deal. In the end I hung up on him telling him not to call back.