I'm Sending You to Voice Mail, Not the Ninth Circle of Hell

[Dips]

This just happened. Eugene is on one line, I'm on the other, Mark isn't in. So any calls which come in will be shunted to voice mail. It's not a problem. We are very good about calling people back ASAP.

So while both of us are on the phone we got a Button-Monkey who kept hitting re-dial and hanging up when they got voice mail. It's annoying because we are trying to help customers and the phones keep ringing repeatedly. It's the telephone equivalent of a guy who tries to butt in when you are trying to help a customer who was there first.

Anyway, as my luck would have it, I got done helping my customer before Eugene did, so I was the lucky one who got to pick up after the Button-Monkey's fifth attempt.

Me: [Company Name]. This is Di...

BM: Eugene!

Me: Dips. How...

BM: I need to speak with Eugene!

Me: He's currently on the phone with another customer. Would you like his voice mail?

BM: No! I'll hold.

Me: I'm sorry. We don't have a hold queue. Would you like his voice mail? [That last bit was said with exactly the same tone and inflection as the previous time. I was going for "mindless robot." I find it saves time.]

BM: Oh, my God! I guess so!

Me: One moment, please.

BM: [muttering to herself in the background] Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[MystyGlyttyr]

We get the complete opposite problem here.

Human: "Can I talk to So-and-so?"
Me: "They're not in at the moment."
Human: "Could I have his voice mail?"
Me: "We don't have voice mail."
Human: "YOU DON'T HAVE VOICE MAIL?!"
Me: "No, but I have these neat little dead trees and this thing that makes magical marks when I scratch it on them. Want me to do something with that?"

Okay, I don't...but I REALLY want to.

[Gurndigarn]

Me: "No, but I have these neat little dead trees and this thing that makes magical marks when I scratch it on them. Want me to do something with that?"

Okay, I don't...but I REALLY want to.

Why not? It's not like you're being insulting this way.

[Buglady]

I get this every day. It's SO MUCH FUN </sarcasm>

I particularly like the ones who want me to "tell so-and-so I called." Um, there are over 100 people working here, spread out over 2 floors. There are some I don't see for weeks at a time. But hey, it's your call.

Oh, and also fun are the "somebody called me from this number! Tell me who!". Uh, see above re: 100 people int he building... and no, I'm not calling every extension to ask if they called you! Check your own dang voicemail!

Sheeesh. What is it with people and phones? I swear I need a device that sends a shock down the line. Then again, I'd probably just start answering the phone with it within the week

[SCSlave]

Oh I loved the 'Who called me''s when I worked in a call center for the cable company. The 'call center' was actually a 'virtual call center'...meaning, when you called in, you could get someone in one of 4 different states. So they'd call in "WHO called me?" "UM...looks like from the notes, it was W19" "Who is that??" "I Have no idea...." "HOW do you not KNOW??" "Umm...because whoever that is, they're not even in my state...and neither are YOU, for that matter."